Words I Couldn't Say

After my shift, I noticed somebody had tacked a flyer on the bulletin board over by the door. Amelia was observing it. When she looked up and saw me she smiled, waving me over.

“Check this out Michelle,” she said, pointing at the contents.

Jonas Brothers performing at the Paramus Park Shopping Center. August 18, 2-4 p.m.

“I wish I could go but I’m stuck here. You have that day off don’t you? You should go.” She said, nudging me with her elbow. I sighed as I looked at the flyer. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see Kevin again… Nick and Joe too. It would bring back too many memories… too much pain. It doesn’t matter how much I missed them.

“I don’t know.” I said, shaking my head.

“That one’s kind of cute.” She said, pointing at him. A bout of jealously flared throughout my body and as quickly as it came… it disappeared.

“I guess.” Totally.

“You know… what is with you?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. “Two weeks ago you freak out when you heard their song on the radio and now you have a chance to see a free concert when you have your day off and you’re not sure if you’re going to go?”

“It’s just… complicated okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said, shoving my way past a party of ten coming in and going out into the summer Jersey air. Should I…or shouldn’t I go… that is the thought that haunted me as I drove home. When I got home the first thing I heard was Abby begging for something.

“But Mom! This is a free concert we’re talking about and I want to see them! I haven’t seen them in so long.” She whined. Uh-oh.

“I’m sorry honey but Dad and I both have to work so we can’t take you.” Mom said as I entered the kitchen. She looked up when she heard me and smiled and then suddenly she got that look. You know that look I’m talking about? The one Mom’s always seem to get when they have a good idea.

“No,” I mouthed to her, shaking my head.

“Maybe Michelle can take you. I think that’s her day off.” She said and I glared at her.

“Oh please Michelle?” Abby said, turning to me and clinging to my shirt. “Please take me! You know how much I miss them… they’re like my older brothers.”

“Correction. They were like your older brothers. We haven’t seen or heard from them in almost two years. I think all qualifications of older brothers flew out the window when they stopped responding.” I said angrily, crossing my arms over my chest.

“But you miss them too.” She whispered.

I turned to face her, “Of all the things in the world, I DO NOT miss them, Abigail. Now for the final time. My answer is no.”

With that, I marched straight up the stairs and to my bedroom. I slammed the door and laid down on the bed. My box was still sitting by my bed. On top was a picture of Kevin. I picked it up, running my fingers across his face. I did miss them. I could never hide that fact.

I stayed in my room for hours. Just deciding if I should brave it out and go see them. There were two ways this concert could go down. The first being that they wouldn’t remember us, Abby would be crushed and I’d probably expect it coming. The second, they’d recognize us, apologize and we’d probably end up getting hurt in the long run.

The worst thing ever though….would be that I would always have that nagging feeling. What would have happened if I had taken Abby to the concert? There was only one way to find out.

I sighed, knocking on her door. I’d regret this later, but at least I’d have the experience. “I thought about it and I guess I’ll take you.”

She jumped up off her bed, “YOU’RE SERIOUS?!”

Rolling my eyes, “Yes, whatever.”

“Thank you thank you thank you!” She yelled dancing around her room.

“No problem.” I said heartlessly before walking out.

***

“I am so excited!”

Abby was bouncing up and down in the car as I drove to the mall, a good hour away. We were nearly there and she’d been driving me crazy.

“Okay, before we go in,” I started, pulling into a parking spot. “They might not remember us. Don’t be surprised.”

She just gave me a look, “They’re going to remember us. If they don’t, why don’t you show Kevin your box?”

“How did…..”

“Please, I’m your sister.” She said, like there didn’t need to be an explanation.

I followed her through the doors where about 70 people were standing. Abby pushed our way to the front, which wasn’t really that hard.

As soon as they walked out on the stage, everyone erupted in cheers. Everyone, except me. I just stared in shock. I hadn’t seen them in two years, yet they didn’t seem to have changed a bit. Nick still seemed serious, Joe was still a goofball and Kevin was still...

“Oh. My. Gosh. Michelle?!” I heard a female voice behind me. I turned to see Mandy.