Words I Couldn't Say

"M-Mandy?” I stuttered, completely shell-shocked. My body remained motionless as she embraced me in a tight hug, my arms pinned to my sides.

“I can’t believe you’re here! I haven’t seen you in so long. Is that Abby?” she asked, pointing over my shoulder at Abby who was dancing to whatever song was playing.

“Yeah um… what are you doing here?” I asked, confusion still clearly etched upon my face.

“Oh, Joe told me about it.” She said, shrugging her shoulders.

“He… told you?” I asked. Something wasn’t making sense in my head.

“Yeah. Didn’t Kevin tell you about it?” she asked. The look on my face must have been her answer. “You two are still together… right?”

“Mandy… I haven’t talked to Kevin or any of the Jonas’ in a year and a half. They stopped responding to us.” I said, a lump forming in my throat.

“I’m sure they didn’t mean for that to happen.” She said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

“But they kept talking to you.” I spat, shrugging away from her.

“Actually… I kept pestering them until someone responded.”

“I don’t really care, Mandy. Kevin and I were dating. It was so much harder for me than it was for you… I’m sure.”

“Listen, Joe said they’d take pictures with people after. Why don’t you stick around and talk to them. I’m sure Abby wants to.”

“Yeah… okay. I’ll stick around.” And give them a piece of my mind.

****

“Mandy, how much longer?” Abby asked, tugging on Mandy’s sleeve.

“Almost there.” She said, craning her neck to look over the heads in front of us. Five minutes later we were next in line

“Hey Mandy,” Joe said. My God his voice has deepened.

“Look who I found!” she said, brightly, pushing Abby and I closer.

“Hi!” Abby said, running over to them.

“Abby?!” they exclaimed in unison, giving her a gigantic group hug. My mouth twitched into a slight smile as she clung to Nick. He was her favorite “big brother”… ever since she learned to talk. The three then straightened up and looked towards me. Joe smiled, Nick waved… Kevin’s face went white.

“Michelle,” he whispered.

“Hello boys.” I said, my arms crossed over my chest. I tried to keep my voice even and calm.

Kevin’s arms seemed to twitch as if he wanted to raise them to hug me. He took a slight step forward and then ran a hand through his curls. He’s nervous. Joe was the one to walk over and give me a huge hug. I didn’t hug back even though it was so familiar.

“Shell, what’s wrong?” Joe asked, putting his hands on my shoulders using the nickname he gave me when we were six. I turned to glare at him and scoffed.

“You’re seriously asking me what’s wrong?” I asked.

“Uh… yeah.” he said, glancing over his shoulder to his brothers.

“I can’t believe this!” I said, throwing my hands in the air. Kevin’s eyes looked sad and he was frowning. “It’s been almost two years since I spoke to any of you. I come here to find that you’re still talking to Mandy! What the hell?”

“We wanted to contact you… to talk to you. We missed you guys so much.” Nick said calmly.

“So why didn’t you? You had plenty of time to talk to her. You told her about this whole thing here today. I found out from a flyer tacked on the bulletin board at the restaurant I work at.”

“We’re sorry.” Kevin said quietly, stepping closer again.

“You should be.” I spat, my teeth clenched together.

“Listen… we can talk about this more but there are still people we need to meet.” Joe said. I looked over my shoulder at the wary looking girls waiting to meet the boys. “Mandy… can you bring her to where Mom and Frankie are?”

“Yeah… come on.” She said, taking Abby’s hand and shoving past me. I glared once more at the boys and followed Mandy and my little sister. I caught up to Mandy and sighed.

“Mandy I’m sorry for the way I talked about you there. I know it’s not your fault I didn’t mean it. I’m just…”

“You still love him. I know.” She said, keeping her eyes forward.

“What?” I asked, stopping in my tracks.

“You still love Kevin but neither of you ever said it when you were still together. He still loves you too.”

“H-how do you know that?” I asked, my face scrunching in confusion.

“Did you see the way he was acting?” she asked with a laugh. “He was nervous when he saw you and upset while you were talking. He never meant to hurt you.”

“Well sucks for him because he really hurt me.”

“I know. Come on, I know you really want to see Denise.” She said, walking through a door where some guard was standing. We walked down a white hallway and Mandy stopped outside an open doorway. Abby and I walked in and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the woman who treated Abby and I like her own daughters.

“Denise.” I sighed. She looked up and her eyes widened.

“Michelle? Abigail?” she asked standing up and walking over to us. She hugged Abby then came over to me. I could feel tears in my eyes as she hugged. She rubbed her arms up and down my back as I sobbed into her shoulder.

“I missed you so much.” I whispered, pulling away to wipe my eyes. She walked us over to the couch and sat next to me. Frankie came over and gave me a hug. “Hey Frankster.”

“I’ve missed you too sweetheart.” Denise said, smiling sympathetically at me. Mandy had taken Frankie and Abby over to the other side of the room so Denise and I could talk. “How are you?”

“I’m alright,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “Getting ready for senior year… I’ve been working at the same restaurant for the past year or so… and I’ve been completely miserable without all of you.”

“We’ve missed all of you as well. Kevin especially.” She said, referring to her eldest son. The one I was most angry with.

“I don’t know if I can believe that.” I whispered.

“I know why you may feel that way sweetheart but I promise you he was devastated when your connection split. He really did love you.”

“He never said it.” I said… “I never said it.”

“Never said what?” Joe asked, walking into the room flanked by Nick and Kevin. I sat up straight and fixed my hair, hastily wiping away my tears as they sat on the couch across from us. Kevin kept his eyes on me which made me uncomfortable and I fixed my gaze somewhere between Joe and Nick’s heads.

“Alright… we need to talk.” Denise said in her Mom voice, turning to her boys. “I think Michelle needs an explanation for what’s happened.”

“Shell you know we love you. Things just got so crazy after the first album kind of flopped. Between switching record companies, writing new songs, finding a place to live in California among many other things… we lost track of the more important things.” Joe said, finishing in a whisper. I smiled at him and nodded my head and a huge grin formed on his face. The smile then faded as I turned to Kevin.

“So what’s your excuse?” I asked coldly. He looked at his brothers and then back at me. “No. That explanation was fine for them but you were my boyfriend Kevin. I thought of all people that would want to make some sort of contact with me the most they could, you would be the first.”

“Michelle I-”

“Save it.” I said, standing up from the couch. “We have to go. Come on Abby.”

“But… I don’t want to leave.” She said, pouting.

“Abigail Lynn, it takes an hour to get home and it’s already five o’clock. Mom wants us home for dinner so unless you want to get the wrath of Mom I suggest you get your butt out this door and to the car.” I said, pointing out the door.

“Fine,” she said sighing and standing up. She hugged each of the boys and Denise and stood at the doorway for me.

“You still live in the same house?” Denise asked as she hugged me.

“Yes. You should give Mom a call tonight. She and Dad would love to see you and Kevin Sr. Say hi to him for us?”

“Of course. It was lovely seeing you again. You’ve grown into a beautiful young lady.”

“Thank you,” I said blushing. I turned to the boys and hugged Joe, Nick, and Frankie. Kevin had stayed in his seat; his head was in his hands. I waved to Mandy and then led Abby out the door, down the hallway and back out to my car.