Welcome to a New Kind of Tension
Valentines Day - The Day For Lovers
Billie's Childhood
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "I Hate Valentines Day! It's so fucking corny!"
Billie's Teenhood
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "Way Hey, Valentines Day, I'm gonna get laid!"
Billie's Band Life
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "Love for the audience and I miss my girlfriend!"
Billie's marriage
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "Ah, blissful peace of married life!"
"Billieeeeeeee?" Adrienne yelled up the stairs.
"Whaaaaaat?" I yelled back.
"I'm going Vut for the day!"
"WHAT THE FUCK? It's valentines Day!" I thought.
He dragged myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom for a morning wee.
"Welcome to Paradise......it's Valentines Day.....And I'm gonna be in paradise!" I sang to myself.
"Hold on a sec....something's not right!" I leaned back while peeing and looked into the hall way.
"No noise! What the hell!"
Something was definitely wrong; he nearly peed over the toilet seat.
"Shit!" I spat and adjusted my aim.
After emptying my bladder, I walked down the stairs in my short and boxers, nothing new there.
Then I noticed something even stranger... the kids.... they were... quiet!
Hmmmm, that was strange, kids, especially mine, are never quiet. I walked over to them, they were watching TV, and they were watching...what the fuck? Fireman Sam?
"Um Joey, Jakob, why are you watching Fireman Sam, you hate Fireman Sam, you said he was a gay fruit!"
The boys turned their heads to look at me...at the same time...with a creepy slow speed.
"Good Morning Father!" they said....at the same time...and with the same freaky tone of voice.
"Okaaaay! I'm just...gonna be in the kicthen!"
I ran to the kicthen and grabbed the phone, "Adrienne, something weird is going on....the kids they're....they're...."
"Why Hello my darling Husband...isn't it a picturesque morning?" Adie replied to me.
"Holy cow!" I thought.
"Uh, I'll speak to you later, babe." I panicked; my family was going insane, it was like we were turning into a STEPFORD FAMILY!
I ran and got dresses and walked into the living again, the kids were still watching TV in that weird way. Usually they would be playing Need For Speed in X Box, but now they were watching BooBah.
"Boys, I'm going out for a while, I have to get your mother a Valentines Day card! Joey, watch your brother!"
I ran outside and to my car,
"Tre?" I called my best friend.
"Billie, dude, something really fucking fucked up is happening....."
"I know, our kids and wives are turning into the stepford people!"
"Uh, no... my shorts shrunk in the wash! It's weird man, I did everything right and it happened anyway, now the only person they fit is Frankito!"
"Uh okay, and how is Frankito, anything weird happening?"
"No...he's uh, watching BooBah!"
"And don't you think that's weird?" I asked him.
"He's my son, of course he's gonna be weird... what's up?"
"Listen Tre, find a babysitter and meet me at Mikes in an hour!"
"Sure thing, big daddy!!!!!" Tre clicked off.
I called Mike while I drove to Mikes, "Mike!"
"Holy shit Billie, dude, something really fucked up is happening...." Mike gulped, "Stella's watching BooBah! It's really weird, she was watching fireman Sam before and she never watches morning TV!"
"I know dude, it's the same at my place, and it's not just the kids, it's Adrienne as well; she's suddenly acting like she's royalty and not in the I like luxurious bubble bath way, but in the Queen Elizabeth way!"
"Crap......................" Mike dropped the phone.
"Mike? Mike?" Shit something was up with Mike. I pulled into his drive way and ran into the house.
"Billie....Stella's making pancakes....she's five years old! What the fuck!"
"Howdy ho partners," Tre said, coming in.
HALF AN HOUR LATER
"I used to hate Valentines Day, and now I hate it even more!" I told the guys.
DING DONG!
"Oh, there's the door, hold on!"
Mike ran to the door, it was Max the stoner from next door.
"DUDE, ALIENS ARE TAKING OVER FUCKING OAKLAND!"
What the fuck?
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "I Hate Valentines Day! It's so fucking corny!"
Billie's Teenhood
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "Way Hey, Valentines Day, I'm gonna get laid!"
Billie's Band Life
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "Love for the audience and I miss my girlfriend!"
Billie's marriage
Billie awoke on Valentines Day and sighed, "Ah, blissful peace of married life!"
"Billieeeeeeee?" Adrienne yelled up the stairs.
"Whaaaaaat?" I yelled back.
"I'm going Vut for the day!"
"WHAT THE FUCK? It's valentines Day!" I thought.
He dragged myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom for a morning wee.
"Welcome to Paradise......it's Valentines Day.....And I'm gonna be in paradise!" I sang to myself.
"Hold on a sec....something's not right!" I leaned back while peeing and looked into the hall way.
"No noise! What the hell!"
Something was definitely wrong; he nearly peed over the toilet seat.
"Shit!" I spat and adjusted my aim.
After emptying my bladder, I walked down the stairs in my short and boxers, nothing new there.
Then I noticed something even stranger... the kids.... they were... quiet!
Hmmmm, that was strange, kids, especially mine, are never quiet. I walked over to them, they were watching TV, and they were watching...what the fuck? Fireman Sam?
"Um Joey, Jakob, why are you watching Fireman Sam, you hate Fireman Sam, you said he was a gay fruit!"
The boys turned their heads to look at me...at the same time...with a creepy slow speed.
"Good Morning Father!" they said....at the same time...and with the same freaky tone of voice.
"Okaaaay! I'm just...gonna be in the kicthen!"
I ran to the kicthen and grabbed the phone, "Adrienne, something weird is going on....the kids they're....they're...."
"Why Hello my darling Husband...isn't it a picturesque morning?" Adie replied to me.
"Holy cow!" I thought.
"Uh, I'll speak to you later, babe." I panicked; my family was going insane, it was like we were turning into a STEPFORD FAMILY!
I ran and got dresses and walked into the living again, the kids were still watching TV in that weird way. Usually they would be playing Need For Speed in X Box, but now they were watching BooBah.
"Boys, I'm going out for a while, I have to get your mother a Valentines Day card! Joey, watch your brother!"
I ran outside and to my car,
"Tre?" I called my best friend.
"Billie, dude, something really fucking fucked up is happening....."
"I know, our kids and wives are turning into the stepford people!"
"Uh, no... my shorts shrunk in the wash! It's weird man, I did everything right and it happened anyway, now the only person they fit is Frankito!"
"Uh okay, and how is Frankito, anything weird happening?"
"No...he's uh, watching BooBah!"
"And don't you think that's weird?" I asked him.
"He's my son, of course he's gonna be weird... what's up?"
"Listen Tre, find a babysitter and meet me at Mikes in an hour!"
"Sure thing, big daddy!!!!!" Tre clicked off.
I called Mike while I drove to Mikes, "Mike!"
"Holy shit Billie, dude, something really fucked up is happening...." Mike gulped, "Stella's watching BooBah! It's really weird, she was watching fireman Sam before and she never watches morning TV!"
"I know dude, it's the same at my place, and it's not just the kids, it's Adrienne as well; she's suddenly acting like she's royalty and not in the I like luxurious bubble bath way, but in the Queen Elizabeth way!"
"Crap......................" Mike dropped the phone.
"Mike? Mike?" Shit something was up with Mike. I pulled into his drive way and ran into the house.
"Billie....Stella's making pancakes....she's five years old! What the fuck!"
"Howdy ho partners," Tre said, coming in.
HALF AN HOUR LATER
"I used to hate Valentines Day, and now I hate it even more!" I told the guys.
DING DONG!
"Oh, there's the door, hold on!"
Mike ran to the door, it was Max the stoner from next door.
"DUDE, ALIENS ARE TAKING OVER FUCKING OAKLAND!"
What the fuck?