Welcome to a New Kind of Tension
Columbia's Special
Billie called upon his dudes from Columbia and explained what was happening, they pretty much assumed that he was stoned and the only way to heal his stupid ranting would be to send him more weed. Billie explained that the band wanted to buy a lot more than just ten pounds, so they obliged by sending ten thousand tonnes. Tre thought this was just dandy!
Max found an extra spliff down the sofa (yes, he actually looked), and felt that he needed a kick before attempting to win back Oakland from an army of aliens. Even though that was suicide.
Mr. Cliff Richard was taken over as well and started talking about how love was bad on TV, brainwashing git whatever happened to 'Amazing Grace'.
Vin Diesel arrived with the weed from Kwantamino Bay, a private shipping service was there you see.
Billie called a meeting for the gang, (Vin Diesel, the gay bastard, was helping as well).
"Alright men of war, warriors of love..." Billie began.
Tre leaned over and whispered to Mike, "Men of War? Warriors of Love? What... The... Fuck?" he wondered.
Billie continued..." The time has come and I have roles for you all. Tre and Max you two have most experience with weed so you will make the bonfire in the city centre! Vin Diesel, you're gay so you'll look like an alien anyway, you can go and broad cast for an alien meeting in the town centre. Then Mike will make a private broadcast on Geek Stink Breath for all the men in Oakland to meet up and prepare to grab our wives to pleasure them as much as possible, that way the aliens will jump out of the bodies and then we can dope them up! Parents... Your job is to hang your children to get them back. Now that's all our jobs, any questions?"
Max raised his hand, "I have one!"
"Yes?" Billie asked.
"Can I smoke the dope while getting it ready?" Max asked.
"Well it's gonna do th same thing so I cant see why not!"
Tre raised his hand, "Yes Tre?" Billie said.
"Can I help him?"
... Crickets... Still more crickets... Jimmeny cricket... lmao sorry... No more crickets
"Ah Tre, you're a father, no!"
"Damn!" Tre snapped.
Vin Diesel raised his hand, "Yes Vin?" Billie asked.
"What are you gonna do?" Vin wondered.
"I have bigger fish to fry, you see I've figured out who the mother ship has invaded..."
"Who?" They all asked.
"ADRIENNE... My wife! I have to go after her once I've got my children free. Mike can you watch Jake and Joey?"
"Of course Bill!" Mike agreed.
"You're gonna need a bigger boat!" Tre announced..." Look!"
They looked out the window and sat in awe.
Adrienne was the size of the... Uhhhh... Empire state building!
"Oh holy shit... I'm going to take a good lot of that dope with me!"
Max stood up..." Y... You are? But why? Why not leave it all? That's so selfish, I'm in need of it more than you!"
... Crickets... More crickets... No more crickets.
"So I'd better go..."
"I'm coming with you Bill... You're my best friend!" Mike said.
"Yeah me too Billy Boy!" Tre added.
"Oh bloody hell, now that means that I have to offer as well!" Max announced.
... Crickets!...
"No you don't have to!" Billie said.
"For fuck sake's Billie Joe, now I'm gonna be the weed dude that never offered, it will make me look bad. Well I'm not gonna sit by and watch that big... Thingy kill you..."
"It won't Max, I'll live!" Billie said.
"No you won't, listen, I'm a functioning weed addict, my friends call me weed man... Others call me Mr Weed Man..."
"Is this going anywhere? " Bill said.
"My point is, you're not gonna be able to do this about me... 1,000 ways to kill an alien with weed and I'm the author!"
"Okay fine, you can come!" Billie said finally.
"I'm gonna be rich and famous out of this!" Max said excitedly.
They all did their jobs and then they went after Adrienne.
Billie found her camped out in the white house, President Bush was dressed as a gimp with a chain around his neck and serving wine on a tray.
"Fuck Adi makes a good alien!" Tre said.
"Well I did train her well..." Billie said proudly.
"Do we save the Mr President dude?" Max asked.
... Crickets... Crickets... Crickets...
"Ah.. No!" The three banders said.
"Alright guys, here we go!" Billie said. And they all walked forward (In slow motion of course cus they're about to save the world! ).
Max found an extra spliff down the sofa (yes, he actually looked), and felt that he needed a kick before attempting to win back Oakland from an army of aliens. Even though that was suicide.
Mr. Cliff Richard was taken over as well and started talking about how love was bad on TV, brainwashing git whatever happened to 'Amazing Grace'.
Vin Diesel arrived with the weed from Kwantamino Bay, a private shipping service was there you see.
Billie called a meeting for the gang, (Vin Diesel, the gay bastard, was helping as well).
"Alright men of war, warriors of love..." Billie began.
Tre leaned over and whispered to Mike, "Men of War? Warriors of Love? What... The... Fuck?" he wondered.
Billie continued..." The time has come and I have roles for you all. Tre and Max you two have most experience with weed so you will make the bonfire in the city centre! Vin Diesel, you're gay so you'll look like an alien anyway, you can go and broad cast for an alien meeting in the town centre. Then Mike will make a private broadcast on Geek Stink Breath for all the men in Oakland to meet up and prepare to grab our wives to pleasure them as much as possible, that way the aliens will jump out of the bodies and then we can dope them up! Parents... Your job is to hang your children to get them back. Now that's all our jobs, any questions?"
Max raised his hand, "I have one!"
"Yes?" Billie asked.
"Can I smoke the dope while getting it ready?" Max asked.
"Well it's gonna do th same thing so I cant see why not!"
Tre raised his hand, "Yes Tre?" Billie said.
"Can I help him?"
... Crickets... Still more crickets... Jimmeny cricket... lmao sorry... No more crickets
"Ah Tre, you're a father, no!"
"Damn!" Tre snapped.
Vin Diesel raised his hand, "Yes Vin?" Billie asked.
"What are you gonna do?" Vin wondered.
"I have bigger fish to fry, you see I've figured out who the mother ship has invaded..."
"Who?" They all asked.
"ADRIENNE... My wife! I have to go after her once I've got my children free. Mike can you watch Jake and Joey?"
"Of course Bill!" Mike agreed.
"You're gonna need a bigger boat!" Tre announced..." Look!"
They looked out the window and sat in awe.
Adrienne was the size of the... Uhhhh... Empire state building!
"Oh holy shit... I'm going to take a good lot of that dope with me!"
Max stood up..." Y... You are? But why? Why not leave it all? That's so selfish, I'm in need of it more than you!"
... Crickets... More crickets... No more crickets.
"So I'd better go..."
"I'm coming with you Bill... You're my best friend!" Mike said.
"Yeah me too Billy Boy!" Tre added.
"Oh bloody hell, now that means that I have to offer as well!" Max announced.
... Crickets!...
"No you don't have to!" Billie said.
"For fuck sake's Billie Joe, now I'm gonna be the weed dude that never offered, it will make me look bad. Well I'm not gonna sit by and watch that big... Thingy kill you..."
"It won't Max, I'll live!" Billie said.
"No you won't, listen, I'm a functioning weed addict, my friends call me weed man... Others call me Mr Weed Man..."
"Is this going anywhere? " Bill said.
"My point is, you're not gonna be able to do this about me... 1,000 ways to kill an alien with weed and I'm the author!"
"Okay fine, you can come!" Billie said finally.
"I'm gonna be rich and famous out of this!" Max said excitedly.
They all did their jobs and then they went after Adrienne.
Billie found her camped out in the white house, President Bush was dressed as a gimp with a chain around his neck and serving wine on a tray.
"Fuck Adi makes a good alien!" Tre said.
"Well I did train her well..." Billie said proudly.
"Do we save the Mr President dude?" Max asked.
... Crickets... Crickets... Crickets...
"Ah.. No!" The three banders said.
"Alright guys, here we go!" Billie said. And they all walked forward (In slow motion of course cus they're about to save the world! ).