Raindrops on Roses and Girls in White Dresses

"I don't deserve you. You're just too much."

My eyebrows knitted together as I held the cellphone tightly in my hand. My back was against the wall of the bathrooms, and I was standing as far away from the crowded dining room as possible. The numerous voices seemed to fade away from my ears.
I blinked once in confusion.

"What the hell does that even mean?" I questioned. "How am I too much?"

I heard him sigh at the other end of the line. Was he fed up?

"Kat, you know I'm no good," He replied calmly.

I curled my lips back and switched hands to hold the cellphone. I looked up for a minute and from a distance, I could see Mila staring at me with great concern in her face, while she sat down a big tray of food on the round table filled with people.

'What's going on?' She mouthed at me.

I shook my head at her, signaling it was nothing and turned my back, pressing the phone tightly against my ear.

"Ben, why are you talking shit? What's gotten into you?" I breathed out, impatiently waiting for a straight, convincing answer.

"I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. You deserve a lot better, Katy. You deserve so much better."

"So, what, are you breaking up with me?" I snapped.

He sighed into the phone and I heard a static sound, which made me pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it confusingly.

"Yeah. I-I'm breaking it off," He stammered. "Katy, I'm sorry."

I clamped my teeth together, and shook my head in disbelief.

"K-Kat? Are you still there?" Ben asked, seeing as how I still hadn't said anything back. I bit the corner of my lip.

"Yeah, I'm still here," I said. "Wow, Ben, what a great way to dump a girl. Over the phone? You're so fucking classy."

I heard him sigh again. "Kat, I thought you'd understand."

I let out one scornful laugh. "How the hell am I supposed to understand this, Ben? You call me up while I'm at work and then you actually have the nerve to break up with me over the phone? E-mailing me would have been much nicer," I snapped in sarcasm.

"Okay, I knew you'd be pissed at me-"

"Nah, whatever gave you that idea, Benjamin?" I cut him off rudely. "I mean, couldn't you have at least waited for me to come home so we could talk about this face to face?"

"But, see, that's the thing," He said, pausing for a brief moment.

I narrowed my eyes. "What?"

"I'm moving out. Matt told me I could stay at his place for a while until I find one of my own."

I sneered. "Terrific. Matt to the rescue."

"I've already explained everything to him. He understands why I'm doing this."

My jaw dropped. "You told your brother you were going to break up with me before you even told me?!"

"He's my brother, Kat. I tell him everything."

I took a deep breath, mumbling the words, "I never liked him anyway."

"Katy, please."

"Oh, just shut the hell up, Ben. I've heard enough. And you know what else? You don't have to leave the apartment. Because I will," I hissed, balling my free hand into a fist.

"You don't have to, Ka-"

"Oh, but I want to. Stay there, Ben. Hell, ask Matt to move in with you. I suppose he's as decent as you are. Although I don't think he'd be stupid enough to break up with Jenna over the phone."

"Kat, try to understand. I'm doing this because I don't want to hurt you," He paused again. "You know all the twisted shit I've gotten myself into, right? You know how much I screw up. You know I'm not the most trusting person in the world. Let's face it, Kat. I'm not boyfriend material."

I looked down at my black pumps, which were violently cutting all the circulation in my feet. I felt like strangling somebody.

"No, I guess you're not," I agreed monotonously. "But wasn't my being with you helping at all?" I questioned, tightening my jaw.

Ben sniffed. "Of course it helped. You were my rock, Katy. But you also helped me realize how much of a jackass I really am. I'm hardly ever there for you. You need someone who treats you a lot better."

I shook my head, closing my eyes briefly and opening them again. "Fine, then. I hope your life goes well. I hope Matt can be your rock from now on, since obviously I failed at that job."

"Kat, I just need you to tell me that you're not mad at me. I just-"

"Ben, I'm busy. I'm at work, in case you forgot," I spoke bitterly. "Spare your last words. They're unnecessary."

"But Kat-" He pointlessly tried.

"Bye, Ben." I snapped the phone shut, and slumped up against the wall. Every thought in my head seemed jumbled and it would take a while for me to sort them all out. If only there were a device that could erase all thoughts completely. I shook my head a couple of times, hoping they'd fall out from my ears. I wouldn't mind lacking thoughts or even feelings, for that matter.

Two women on their way to the bathroom stared at me and one mumbled something inconherent to the other.

I stared up at the ceiling, desperately wishing for a cigarette.

And then I remembered. I didn't smoke.

"Katy?" The voice belonging to Mila met my ears abruptly, causing me to break eye contact with the ceiling. She was standing next to me, with the same concerned look from before.

I tried cracking her a smile, but it must've come out all weird, because Mila frowned at my attempt to show some sort of emotion.

"What happened?" She asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I could sense your anger from a mile away."

I sighed loudly, crossing my arms and staring down at my pumps again. "Ben broke up with me."

She narrowed her eyes. "Over the phone? Jesus, what an asshole."

I nodded agreeingly.

She bit her lip, shooting me a look of sympathy. "Screw him, Kat. He wasn't worth your time."

My top lip pulled up at one corner. "That's what he said."

She snorted. "See? Even he knows he ain't worth shit."

"Yeah. But it was just so out of the blue. I had no idea he was thinking about breaking it off..."

"They're all like that, Kat. They lure you in, and then they throw you out like garbage. Like you're a flavor that he took one part of and then spat you out."

I looked at her quizzically. "That's exactly right, Mil."

"I know, hon. And let's agree that Ben isn't the type of guy you bring home to mom."

I sighed. No, he definitely wasn't.

"Come on, we should get back," I said, quickly cutting the conversation short. It was hard enough to concentrate at work without messing up, but even harder knowing that my boyfriend had just dumped me over a stupid phone call. I really had to try hard not to think about him. At least til the end of the day.

Mila nodded, and placed an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. "You'll pull through this, babe. And if it's hard, I'll be here to help you."

I smiled at her genuinely. "Thanks, Mil."

"No problem, little cousin."