Stay With Me or Watch Me Bleed, I Need You Just to Breathe

I've never been like the other girls.
I've never wanted to be a princess, I've never liked the color pink, and I've never had a crush on a boy.
Yeah, I'm a lesbian.
I haven't told anyone.
There's no one I can trust.
I've never been in a relationship, I've never been kissed.
And I'm seventeen years old.
Pathetic?
Very.

For the past five and a half years I have been in love with my best friend, Jennifer.
She is I everything I wish I could be.
She is why I cry myself to sleep night after night.
She is why I put on a happy face.
She is why I slit my wrists.

Go ahead, call me "emo" and play your childish games.
But I can assure you, that I need this.
It's almost like a drug; so, so addicting.
It feels like the pain is exiting my body with my blood.
It feels like one step closer to death.
It feels like no one can touch me.
I like that feeling.

As miserable and pathetic I am, I can't take my own life; I don't have the guts.
It's funny, isn't it?
The one thing keeping me alive is also slowly killing me.

She doesn't see.
She only acknowledges the surface.
Never goes down deep.
Never.
Can anyone go down, throwing themselves into the depths of my body?
Does anyone want to?
Does anyone care that I'm losing oxygen after every tear escapes from my glazed eyes?

I silently writhe in pain, ignoring my own subconscious pleas to die, drown, be swallowed up.
Because of her.
Because I need her just to breathe.