Calm Envy

Of course there was no reason for him to be the way he was. There was no cause in the way he kept looking over at the singer as he played his guitar, absolutely hopeless in his desire for more than just a bit of teasing on the stage. His dark eyes burned, hungering for the man that always strutted past him, running his hand along his chin, giving a seductive smile, and then continuing.

There was no fairness in their game.

The rest of the band was not oblivious to the way they toyed with each other- their bassist allowed Ruki to firmly grip his backside, playfully slap his cheek, or even press their lips together. As a band that enjoyed fanservice, they all toyed with each other.

Uruha watched with envy as the games continued, and he licked his lips obscurely as the vocalist drew nearer and nearer to him, his pulse quickening in anticipation as he considered all the possibilities of what could be done with him. He played his part as he waited, and he glanced over at Aoi- who let his body grind against his guitar as they continued on into the solo- and smiled widely as his plaything came over to him, a coy smile on his lips, the microphone in one hand at his side.

And then Uruha’s mouth was captured in a needlessly playful kiss, and he groaned slightly as he realized that he wanted more, just as his vocalist pulled back, smiling and touching his face.

“Later, Takashima,” the vocalist murmured, and it gave the guitarist chills. “It will be worth it, you will see.” Again he smiled, and he licked his lips as his eyes examined the slim body before him. “Look at you blush like a schoolgirl. The things you make me think.” Again he let their lips connect, and then he slipped away, returning to the center of the stage, where he perched himself on an amp and continued with the performance, as though he had done nothing to his band mates, as though they never treated each other like things to play with.

For three more songs, Uruha waited, going along with the game as always, accepting the kisses or the bites on his neck or the playful slaps on his cheeks, watching as Ruki did the same with the other two men on the stage, leaving Kai to his drums, never going up to bother him. From the audience the fans watched, always silent, always still, as they took in the music, and Ruki sang to them, professing his love to them through the songs.

It was almost too much for the light-haired guitarist to bear.

When they finally finished, when the final chord had been struck, when the final set of pyrotechnics had faded away, and when the five of them had all left the stage, Ruki immediately headed for the bathroom, and Uruha waited in the dressing room, arms folded, eyes closed, and his head leaning back against the wall.

Only when a smooth hand slid to the side of his neck and a pair of familiar lips were pressed to his did he move from his stagnant position, his hands finding their way to rest on slim hips, his palms pressing against the soft material of Ruki’s shirt.

“The way you toy with me,” Uruha whispered as his mouth was released and the kisses moved to his neck and then to his collarbone. “The games that you play drive me mad.”

Ruki smiled against the pale, creamy skin. “No games, not this time. I’m serious, I swear.” Again his lips met Uruha’s neck, and he felt the guitarist’s grip on his waist tighten, which made him smile against the smooth skin he was kissing. “But we cannot do this here.” He paused to claim another kiss, one closer to the guitarist’s lips. “To the bus, ne?”

Uruha had by now tilted his head back and closed his eyes once more. “Hai,” he breathed. “To the bus. As long as the others do not find us.”

Ruki smiled, aware of the effects of his kiss. “Forget the others. It is you and I tonight.” Another flurry of kisses, and he had won. He had convinced Uruha enough. He felt one hand leave his waist before finding his hand, and he smiled, drawing back and licking his lips as he allowed Uruha to lead him away.

He watched as the others gave them a moment’s attention- raising their gaze to study the two of them, obviously heading off to be alone, their hands interlocked, the lust obvious in their eyes- and then return to what they had been doing. There was no surprise in any of their gazes- it was no news to them that Uruha had finally put his foot down and demanded having Ruki to himself. And it certainly wasn’t new that flirtatious Ruki had eagerly conceded, if only to have a night of pure ecstasy before returning to how it had been- fanservice on the stage.

Uruha groaned as he was pressed against the wall once they’d reached the outside. Greedily, he took all of the kisses he was given, and he pressed a few of his own to Ruki’s magnificently shaped lips. His hands clutched at the vocalist’s waist, but, too soon, the slim body in his arms had slipped away, a sweaty hand finding his once more and taking him the rest of the way.

His back met the door of the bus once it was closed, and he groaned impishly as he thought greedily of their destination, which was only a few yards away. “I need you,” he whispered, and his words were merely met with a low laugh, his face caressed by smooth hands, before they moved again.

This time, he could see the bed past Ruki’s shoulder. It was visible to him, and he so needed to reach that bed, but he was more than willing to accept what was being given to him. Hungrily, he pushed Ruki’s hat from on top of his head, and as their mouths crashed together, he heard a throaty growl escape pillow-like lips, and as their bodies pressed together, he could feel the heat flowing between the two of them.

“Matsumoto,” he murmured loftily, his eyes half-lidded in pleasure as his throat was attacked with kisses. “Matsumoto, please…”

“You say you need me, Takashima,” Ruki whispered in response, sliding his hands along the guitarist’s sides. “Prove it to me. Prove that you need me, and I’ll let you take until there is nothing left of me other than what is already yours.”

Uruha groaned, too far gone to use complete thoughts, and merely allowed the vocalist to pull him forward, almost sighing in content as they landed on the bed together, Ruki immediately shifting onto his back, allowing him complete dominance. He bit his lip as his eyes raked over the clothed body beneath him, and he knew that it was too much for him.

He collapsed onto his side, smiling lustily as Ruki turned over to face him, and held the singer’s face close to his as they became lost in another lust-fueled kiss, their bodies tangling together, the beginning of one and the end of another becoming unclear. “I am yours,” he murmured against the guitarist’s lips. “Have my everything, claim all that you want.”

Uruha moved his hands down to the small of Ruki’s back, pressing the singer’s body closer to his, urging him to be quiet. Then he turned onto his back, surrendering the position of dominance without question. “Iie,” he breathed. “It is you who must take.”

Ruki smiled, pressing kisses into the guitarist’s neck as his hands slid under his shirt, his fingertips gently caressing his lover’s chest, his thumbs passing over the erect nipples. He smiled as the man beneath him let out a soft groan, and he pushed the shirt up more, pulling his lips away to bring the shirt up over Uruha’s head and toss it to the side.

He felt his own shirt moving upward, the rough fingertips moving along his skin, the cool air of the bus colliding with his skin as he moved to a sitting position above the guitarist, their hips pressed tightly together. Licking his lips as he surveyed the bare chest before him, he resisted the urge to claim another kiss from those gentle lips as his fingers moved to the zipper of his lover’s pants, quickly pulling it down and unsnapping the button.

Uruha released another sound that was a mix between a groan of pleasure and a sigh of absolute content, and seeing that it pleased Ruki, he pushed his hips upward, allowing his pants to be removed, biting his lip and shifting for comfort on the bed, his back arching up from the comforter, his head pushing back onto the pillow as Ruki leaned forward, pressing their lips together once more.

Never had they gotten together like this. Never had they neared something like this, this thing that so resembled love, this deep passion that had been threatening to combust within them for the longest time. Never had the touch of Ruki’s body comforted Uruha as it did now. Never had so much been offered to him. Never had he been so reluctant to give it up.

He allowed his mouth to open against the singer’s, and he sucked at his lover’s bottom lip as he waited for some sort of response, his tongue poking forward, given the small hope of entrance into the awkward world of the mouth that had done so much.

Ruki let his lips part, unable to stand the tender sucking on his lip any longer, and let Uruha’s tongue push forward to meet his. Slowly, and as sensually as he could, he let their hips push together, grinding harshly into each other. He could feel the heat flooding through his body, flushing in his cheeks, pooling between his legs, and as his mouth worked against Uruha’s, he tried to ignore the growing heat in his body, though he could feel the effects of their interaction pressing against his pants.

Uruha let out a gasp in surprise and pushed harder with his hips, his hands fumbling for Ruki’s zipper, nearly groaning as his fingers were smacked away and the sound of a zipper being pulled down filled his ears. His tongue pushed and curled into Ruki’s, creating an intimate dance between their mouths, and he only pulled his lips away when he felt Ruki’s bare thighs pressed to his, the heat immediately flooding to his cheeks, a gasp leaving his lips and his hands gripping the comforter he laid upon.

Ruki smiled coyly, slithering along Uruha’s body, his mouth drifting along his torso, his fingers dipping into the boxers that blocked his way. He felt a few light hairs tickle his chin, and he smiled as he planted kisses along his lover’s pelvic line, pushing his boxers down as he went, eventually revealing the treasure that so many fans ached for, the thing that could give him the most pleasure of all.

Uruha gritted his teeth and clutched at the sheets, shutting his eyes and bending his legs to allow the singer access to his body, letting an aroused groan pass his lips, his jaw tense. “Ashiteru,” he breathed, the word quick, and he felt a smile against the inside of his thigh. His voice was almost nonexistent, and as he considered what he’d just said, the heat in his body intensified.

“Dare yori mo kimi wo ashiteru,” whispered the singer, and Uruha smiled, despite his tense jaw, and cried out in pure pleasure as he felt Ruki’s mouth wrap around his most intimate part. He licked his lips and writhed slightly beneath his lover, his grip on the blanket loosening and tensing with the feeling that throbbed between his pale legs.

For endless minutes, Ruki’s hands caressed the most intimate parts of Uruha’s body, pressing into his inner thighs, drifting to his chest, slipping along his waist, doing everything he could think of to arouse the man that writhed lightly with pleasure beneath his touch.

“Love me,” Uruha whispered, “Be mine, and don’t toy with me anymore.” The words were mindless, his thoughts were disconnected from his body, and there was no weight to the words that had been spoken. Ruki only worked harder in response, his mouth pulling more, taking more in, his tongue caressing the tender organ in his mouth, and he worked until the guitarist caved, releasing his burning load, relaxing into the bed, becoming limp between his lover’s lips.

He felt Ruki swallowing as much as he could, working against the awkward spasms that came along with climaxes, and then let go, licking his lips and them wiping them with his cleverly agile fingers.

There was a moment of heavy silence between them, their gazes locking, their bodies touching once more, and their hips pressing together as though it were nothing.

And then, after that moment of silence, their mouths were pressed together as Uruha’s hands pushed at the final article of clothing, leaving Ruki completely above him, and he felt the heated feeling returning to his entire body. His lips would be swollen after this, he was sure. His thighs would have bruises once they were finished, that was certain.

None of that mattered to him. He allowed himself another minute to savor the way Ruki’s lips moved on his, and then he broke the kiss, licking his lips, tasting himself, staring into his lover’s eyes, before the understanding took over them. Ruki moved from his position of dominance so that Uruha could turn onto his hands and knees, and then Ruki moved so that he was behind him, licking his lips before quickly caressing two fingers with his tongue, coating them with his saliva.

Uruha shuddered in anticipation, feeling his solid organ pulsing between his legs, pulling all electricity to one location. He shut his eyes, bit down hard on his lip, and held back a cry of pain as he felt Ruki’s fingers being thrust into him, stretching tight muscles that hadn’t experienced something like this in a long time.

He felt Ruki’s gentle kisses of apology on his back, almost between his shoulder blades, and he focused on these small touches of Ruki’s lips as a third finger was added into his body, pressing and stretching and moving about, relaxing his insides as much as possible. There was a new intensity to their interaction, and Uruha could feel the passion. He could feel the deliberation, he could feel the intense emotion, and he could feel the immense pain that refused to be muffled by the pleasure he knew should have replaced it by now.

For long moments, he felt the saliva-coated digits squirm around within his body, and he kept his jaw tense as he concentrated on controlling his outbursts, holding back the obvious cries of pain. Never had he had someone’s fingers moving within him for this long, being this careful, and pushing this hard against the muscles of his insides. Never had he been this intense, never had he wanted penetration so much.

Gasping as the fingers were suddenly withdrawn, he tensed his jaw and kept his eyes shut, his head hanging down, waiting for the moment of penetration, his breathing heavy.

He hissed loudly in pain when the moment finally came, and he heard Ruki’s groan, feeling a soft cheek pressing to his back. He cried out, clenching his fists around the comforter, and hissed once more as Ruki pushed into him once more. His muscles were immediately protesting this penetration, but his mind was screaming for his lover to continue. He wanted to feel Ruki buried deep within him. He didn’t care if it would hurt, because he knew the pain involved. He only wanted the ecstasy of the deepest possible penetration, and as the thrusts into his body continued, he forced himself to find a way to find the pleasure hidden in the pain.

Ruki laid soft kisses on his lover’s back as he continued his harsh thrusts into his body, and did his best to ignore the sharp hisses of pain that began to slowly fade away minutes later.

How Uruha could enjoy this feeling was beyond him. How he could enjoy causing his lover this much discomfort, he was not exactly sure, but he knew that the moist warmth that wrapped itself around him pleased him greatly, and he could have continued for so much longer if his body had been used to intercourse this rough.

But the thrill of being with Uruha in the most intimate way had his stamina strangled, and he caved- releasing intensely into his lover’s body, able to enjoy loud cries of pleasure instead of pain, his own voice uttering loud obscenities, mixed in with his lover’s name. This was an act of love beyond love, the most intimate interaction, and here they were, sharing it with each other as though it were nothing.

Loud groans filled the air, since the two men knew they were alone, and when Ruki was finished, he removed himself from Uruha’s body, falling onto his side. Uruha collapsed onto his stomach, his breath heaving, and lifted his head so that he could look over at Ruki, his face resting on the pillow once more as their gazes connected.

He gave a small, brilliant smile, and this earned him an intense kiss from the singer. He groaned softly, returning the sudden kiss, and made his shaking arm lift to rest his hand on his lover’s cheek, his thumb passing over smooth skin as his lips parted.

“Ashiteru,” he murmured tiredly, and he winced as he turned onto his side, lying his head on Ruki’s chest as the singer shifted onto his back, his arm curved beneath the guitarist, his hand at his shoulder, holding him close. “Ashiteru, Matsumoto.” His eyes were as tired as his body now, and they drifted closed. Lazily, he draped an arm over the singer’s torso, holding onto him this way, and allowed himself to sleep.

Ruki remained awake, holding the guitarist to his side, gently pressing his lips to the smooth forehead that came up to his chin. It was unreal what they had done here. It was unreal that their bodies had connected in such a way. It was unreal that Uruha had confessed his love time and time again. It was unreal that Ruki knew that come morning, the games would return and all things would be the same.

It was unreal that that was not what he wanted to happen.

In his sleep, Uruha felt the soreness that accompanied their act- it kept him still and at Ruki’s side, forming in his dreams in different ways, his body throbbing, angry that it had been overexerted in such a way. And he held tighter to the man beside him, his long fingers pressing against smooth skin, only remaining asleep because he could hear Ruki’s heartbeat with his head on his chest.

Eventually Ruki slept, too, but it wasn’t for long, only because he was very aware of Uruha lying beside him, groaning softly, the result from their night together still egging on discomfort.

And how the night passed, he wasn’t sure, but when he woke up, the guitarist was still sleeping, and he shifted so that he could touch the smooth, trusting face, kissing the warm lips that remained still beneath his except for the breaths that were drawn in and let out through them. How smooth these lips were, how soft was this skin that allowed him to touch it, how warm was the body that always pushed itself closer to his.

He lay there with the guitarist, wanting to get up and be dressed before the rest of the band but also not wanting to abandon the man he had done so much with, the man that had trusted him with everything he had. It made him feel weak and vulnerable, but he knew that he should stay just as he was. They had no performances today. They were to be traveling for the majority of the day.

He had no need to be dressed.

So he waited, ever the impatient soul pretending to be calm, and stroked the sleeping guitarist’s face, watching the way he shifted in his slumber, groaning and mumbling incoherently to whatever was in his dreams as the next two hours passed.

Ruki was content to stay where he was, and when Uruha’s eyes open, still glazed over from sleep, he smiled softly, greeting him with a kiss, helping him shift a bit as the soreness from their night together multiplied immediately. He smiled slightly as the smooth yet slightly swollen lips responded to him, and then he pulled back as Uruha shifted a bit more, trying different positions, attempting to find a comfortable one.

Uruha’s cheeks flushed with color as he gazed up at the singer that lay beside him, propped up by one elbow, and he offered a small smile as he shifted one last time, sighing in content as he found the position truly comfortable. Being on his back was not so bad.

He reached out, touching the singer’s face, and gazed into his eyes.

“You stayed,” he observed quietly, and this earned him a small smile. “I didn’t think you would.”

Ruki scoffed. “And why would I not? You’re not going to be able to move on your own.” He smiled, almost coyly, as his eyes raked over the naked form that had been slowly revealed by the ever-shifting blanket, then meeting the dark eyes that awaited the rest of his words. “I wasn’t exactly gentle with you.” He laughed softly, and Uruha did the same. “Would you like to put clothes on now?” he asked with a chuckle, watching with interest as Uruha lazily pushed the blanket from his body and sat up with a groan.

“Hai,” he murmured. “Though I cannot get them.”

Ruki nodded. “As I said. You’re not going to be able to move much on your own.” Then he rose from the bed, moving to the hallway, opening and closing drawers, snatching clothes for the two of them before retreating to the back of the bus once more, shutting the curtain before returning to the bed, dropping Uruha’s more comfortable clothes onto the bed beside him.

No one had seen him. They were still at the very front, watching television and practicing their instruments. He was thankful for that.

He dressed first- pulling on the plain boxers, the loose jeans, the white T-shirt, and turned to be sure that Uruha was doing well with the same. Chuckling a little, he discovered that he was not. “Let me help you, Takashima,” he murmured, and then he was on the other side of the bed, pressing his lips to the guitarist’s as he helped to pull the zipper into place and fasten the button on the pants that were for wearing on the bus.

Then he handed the guitarist his shirt, watching almost ruefully as the thin chest was covered up, along with the red marks that had resulted from the skin being bitten lightly. Then he held out his hand, and Uruha took it, using it as leverage to stand up, grunting as his lower half protested painfully.

Ruki waited as Uruha found a way to push the pain out of his mind, and then they walked toward the front of the bus together, Uruha resting against Ruki’s side, Ruki’s arm resting lazily around Uruha’s shoulders. The band watched them curiously, eyebrows raised, but did not question them.

Except for Aoi.

He smiled, drew his cigarette from his lips, and asked quietly, “You two are together?”

Ruki nodded, looking over at Uruha and holding him closer, a smile overtaking his features. “Hai. We are together now.” This earned him a gentle kiss, and he only forced his lips to separate slowly from Uruha’s when too many seconds had passed.

“The fanservice on the stage, Matsumoto, will that continue?”

Uruha smiled, and so did Ruki. “Possibly. Between him and I, absolutely, but between the rest of us…that depends on him.” He moved his arm from Uruha’s shoulder and gently took his hand, folding his fingers around the guitarist’s, biting his lip.

Uruha looked down at their hands, sighing and flushing slightly. When he spoke, his voice was quiet so that only Ruki could hear. “Onstage, play with who you wish, but offstage, you are mine.”

Ruki nodded. “Of course,” he said, kissing the guitarist’s temple. “Ashiteru.”

When he looked back up, the smile on Uruha’s lips was devilish. “As long as I still get to play with Shiroyama-san.” The smile he received from the other guitarist was fond, and he laughed softly. Then he muttered something about being sore, and he and Ruki shared a small moment before Ruki rose and went to the refrigerator to get two beers, handing one to his boyfriend and keeping one for himself.

“Well?” The band stared expectantly at him. “What are you all watching us for? We have biiru, we should have a party, ne?” He laughed as he opened his can, and he relaxed at Uruha’s side once more. “In celebration. Matsumoto Takanori finally settles down.”

“That is something worth celebrating.”

“Quiet, you,” said Ruki playfully, glancing casually over at his lover. “You haven’t gone to bed with me drunk just yet.” And with that, he took another drink from his beer, smiling past the kiss he was given. “And you have yet to see the toys.”