False Pretense

The cold November wind caused dead leaves to swirl around like a tornado as I walked by the steaming gutter. The cold weather would be my punishment since I forgot to get the Thanksgiving dinner desert; the only thing my mother had asked me to do.

My mother was completely paranoid that tonight’s dinner was going to go wrong. My newly engaged sister was bringing her fiancé and his parents, so she was in extra craze mode. I was thankful to be out of the house, but then again, I think my mother sent me to the supermarket to avoid me ruining something.

I saw Rod’s Hickory Pit up ahead and decided why not? I’ll have my usually coffee before going home to my crazed family.

I pushed the door open and wasn’t surprised by how busy the joint was. People loved their barbecue ribs. I took a seat at the counter and waited patiently as the waitress behind the counter was busy with a trucker-looking old man two stools down from me.

“Hi dear, you want the usual?” She greeted me politely; she was always so nice to me when I came in. I nodded my head in confirmation.

“Hi, Ollie, excited about the holiday season?” I smiled as she set a white coffee cup in front of me. She turned and grabbed the steaming pot of coffee and poured me some.

“I am actually, my youngest son, Billie Joe, is coming into town from his bands tour just to be with me.” She had a twinkling in her eyes.

I envied her right then. If I had been away from home for a length of time, my mother would treat me the same. No missing me. My mother used to adore me but when my dad died, everything just changed. That’s why I was excited to start college in January.

“That’s very sweet of him.” I put my hands around the warm cup and felt content for a moment.

“What’s a girl your age doing in a joint like this on Thanksgiving?” She asked suddenly, making my content feeling disappear.

“My sister is engaged and she’s bringing her fiancé to our house for the first time and I’m just a little bummed."

She leaned up against the counter and put her hand over my own.

“Your sister is going to be getting all the attention, huh?”

“Yeah, and here I am, the black sheep of the family. I’m single, unemployed, and currently not in school.”

“You sound like my Billie. He dropped out of high school on his eighteenth birthday to focus on music and his step-dad gave him a hard time. He didn’t have a job for a while and his band hadn’t had their stardom yet. He always felt like the black sheep in the family.”

“Sounds like him and I could get along perfectly.” I joked, taking a sip of my coffee. She smiled and stood back up as the door of Rod’s opened.

“I’ve got to get back to work now, dear, but you have a good Thanksgiving. Keep your head up and look forward to life, don’t dwell on the now.” She smiled and walked down the counter, talking to the new people. I picked up the pen she left and wrote her a small thank-you note on my napkin before standing up from the stool.

I pushed the door open of Rod’s and the first thing I saw was a young, blond-haired boy kick the tires of a light blue Ford Fairlane. He was swearing and yelling into a phone like a madman.

“Tell him to get that fucking stick out of his goddamn ass! I can’t cancel now; I already promised I would stay here for her!” I felt bad for whoever was on the other line.

“What? What kind of junkie-starving musician wants to suddenly go to college like some kind of chump?” He yelled, not caring about the people around him.

“Somebody who has fucking brains.” I muttered as I cut across the parking lot. He looked up at me, and I was suddenly relieved he didn’t hear me. I felt his eyes on me, however, as I disappeared down the sidewalk.

~ ~ ~

As I put the pies away in the fridge, I couldn’t help but think of my father. He would be so excited for my sister; he was one of the most openly loving people I had ever met. It was hard, going through the loss of a parent, knowing you never got to see somebody ever again. It was a hole that was never completely filled; no matter whom else you got love from.

That was what lacked in this family. My sister had moved out to go to college in Connecticut and that’s where she met her fiancé, so it was just my mother and I left at home. I would be moving out soon to start college at Berkeley University and couldn’t be more thrilled. Maybe I’d meet my future husband there, and be happy again. Maybe I’d follow in my sisters footsteps after all, which is what my mother wanted. And all I ever wanted was for my mother to be happy.

“So this is where you snuck away to.” My sister’s voice came from behind me. Before closing the fridge I took a deep breath.

“Mom wanted me to put the pies away.” I turned around and my sister looked me up and down and pulled me into a hug.

“Can you believe it? I’m going to be getting married! Me!” I couldn’t help but think that was supposed to be my line. If I ever got married, that is.

“Yeah, I know. Congratulations again, Casey, I’m happy for you.” I pulled away from my sister and walked back out into the dining room, but nothing without hearing my sister sigh.

I noted throughout dinner how nobody seemed to speak to me. I was surprised by how this loneliness that was building up hadn’t killed me yet. It was only a matter of time that somebody could be so miserable they were due to explode, right?

“Katryne, where are you going to college?” My sister’s fiancé, Jeffery, asked me. He could probably hear the loud suffocating voice screaming inside my head.

“Berkeley University.” I stuffed a spoonful of mashed potatoes into my mouth.

“Nice school. Are you ready for all the rowdy parties?”

“I guess it’d be nice of a break after a long weeks study.” My mother rolled her eyes.

“Kat has never been much for social events. She’ll probably steer clear of those types of people, right Kat?” Her eyes were almost boring holes into my brain.

“Right.” Oh, how typical of me, doing or saying whatever made my mother happy.

Maybe I would become a college partyier. Maybe I’d marry a low-life deadbeat musician just to spite her. But, then…that's unfair to the musician…and I hate hurting people.

Oh, Katryne, you need help.

That I did.