False Pretense

"How was the dinner with your mom?" Mike asked, breaking the silence that has enticed us as we sat in the basement of an abandoned building on Berkeley University campus. It was our hang-out to sit just around all day and smoke pot.

"Good, I really missed her home-cooked meals." I passed him the joint then, realizing I'd had more than our usual rule of two puffs a pass.

"You tell her about John?" Anger arose in my veins and Mike could sense it was still a sore subject.

"Hell no, I don't need her thinking I'm a bigger piece of shit then I already am." My brain was starting to feel hazy and I knew soon that'd I'd be in the state of mind I preferred. Mike rolled his eyes and passed the joint back to me.

"You're not shit, Bill. You just think badly about yourself when you're stressed." I snorted, blowing the smoke out while closing my eyes.

"Try all the time." I took my second inhale and closed my eyes once again, feeling my insides relaxed and I couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Billie, c'mon, you know you have your moments where you're actually happy." He hit me playfully on the arm as he passed the joint back.

"Yeah, when I have my good friend Mary-Jane in my system." Mike laughed, slumping further down the wall.

"Amen to that, man." I laughed and stubbed out the dead joint on the floor, throwing it in the pile that was collecting in the nearest corner. Silence had fallen back over us, but it's not like we cared.

"So, how are you doing since Ashley left you?" Was Mike capable of talking about anything that didn't set a fire ablaze within me?

"Screw that bitch." I hissed, straightening my posture to roll another joint.

"Billie, you gotta move on, man." Mike sat up as well, turning himself so he was facing me.

"I have moved on. I vow to stay single the rest of my life. Fuck being screwed over, used and abused. Fuck the female gender." I knew instinctively that Mike was feeling sympathetic for me, and that just made me feel even more pathetic.

"Need a light?" Mike asked as I picked up the perfectly rolled joint. I stuck my hand out without word, lighting up and letting my mind wander free.

~ ~ ~

It should be deemed illegal for a mother to drag their daughter dorm shopping. The mother-daughter bonding day I could tell my mother was looking for was quickly spiraling into anything but.

"I don't know what to tell you, Ma. I'm not exactly a pink and flowery type of girl." My mother sighed as she threw the package back onto the shelf.

"How about you pick the bedspread, I'll be in furniture." I closed my eyes and took a slow, relaxing breath as my mother sulked down the aisle. I was willing to bet my soul she was wishing she were with my sister. Sweet, perfect Casey. I could almost vomit.

I ended up picking out a plaid pattern and found my mother admiring an oak television stand.

"I don't own a TV." I said quietly, hoping my mother was magically wanting it for herself.

"You don't own a TV? Since when?" My mother asked wryly.

"Casey took it with her when she left home." I explained laconically.

My mother looked at me and I noticed how tired and worn she looked. I wondered what she would do with herself when I left for Berkeley.

"Well, would you like a TV for your room? Or do you expect your roommate will have one?"

Oh, god. A roommate? Just what I needed: somebody to watch me sulk and be so lonely they'd wonder if I'd mistaken the dorm for an asylum.

"Why don't we wait and see? If they don't have one, I'm make sure it's the first thing I go out and purchase." My mother actually smiled at my sarcasm and I was taken aback.

"C'mon, we have a lot more shopping to do." She walked a head of me, leaving me stunned as I held the plaid bedspread in both my arms.

~ ~ ~

Walking into the kitchen the next morning in just my boxers, Mike's girlfriend, Traci, was standing in front of the toaster waiting for her food to pop up.

"Hey, Billie Ho." She greeted my cheerfully, which caused my head to throb in my pain. I gave her the finger as I grabbed the coffee pot and poured myself a cup.

"Hungover?" She asked, grabbing her waffles out of the toaster and setting them onto a plate. I sat down at my usual seat at the table and started looking at the newspaper, completely ignoring her.

"What do you think?" I said, eventually, obviously catching her by surprise. She was used to my ignoring her.

"That Ashley left you a woman-hating smug bastard." She said nonchalant.

"Bite me, Blondie." I hissed, flipping the newspaper to the cartoons.

"You know, blow job, I'm getting a roommate in a few weeks." She started slyly, sitting in the seat next to me.

"Yeah, so?" She knew I had no interest in what she had to say.

"Well, she's a girl. And I plan on befriending her, so there will be a new person to annoy the shit out of you for my pleasure." She ruffled my hair as she stood up and walked out of the kitchen.

Bitch.