False Pretense

"Whoa, what are you doing?" I pulled away from Billie faster than he could comprehend what he had just done.

"Saying thanks?" He asked, trying to convince himself more than anything.

"Saying thanks for what?" I was shocked about his action, to be honest. I figured he would have been beyond appalled to touch me.

"For sticking up for me."

"Oh. Well, she's a bitch and you're welcome." I noticed then that Traci was no longer in the room with us. What was she trying to do, kill me? He took a step closer to me and seemed reluctant to speak.

"You saw me crying." He stated, not asked.

"Yes."

"How?" He was staring so intently again I could've sworn he was trying to make implode with his thoughts.

"I saw through the magic of sight."

"You were spying on me?"

"No."

"Then what?" He growled, stepping even closer.

"Ashley came into the kitchen this morning and so I went upstairs to see....how you were." My voice was barely above a whisper by the time I finished my sentence that it looked like Billie was trying to decide what I had said.

"To see how I was?"

"That's what I said."

"You felt bad for me?" He took a slight step forward, causing me to take an instinctive step backwards.

"Well, yeah." My eyes met his and I could have slapped myself for making that mistake.

"You felt pity toward me? Is that it?"

"Well, yes! I feel bad every single time I lay eyes on you!" He was surprised by my honesty, but pissed off nonetheless.

"WHY?!" He took that final step, causing me to step back but hit the wall within mere centimeters of trying to break the closeness between us.

I pushed him away and felt tears stinking my eyes.

"Because! Because I know something is haunting you day in and day out and you try and act like there isn't anything there, but news flash honey: I can see it clearly." My voice had raised a few octaves and Billie stared at me in confusion. He saw the tears stinging my eyes and thought they were for him but they weren't.

"How can you be so fucking sure of that? Maybe I am just an angry, bitter person. You don't know me at all!"

"How? How can I be so sure? Because it's in me as well! I look at you, and I see pain," I took a step forward and shoved him again. "I won't believe for a motherfucking second that you're a bad guy. I saw you at the party last night. Alone. You're locked in this mental hell and maybe you were good at disguising it in the beginning, but now, Billie? Now, it's eating away at you and breaking down your facade." I was crying now and went to go shove Billie but he caught my arms and brought me to him. He held me close against him as I cried.

"Kat, shh. You're going to be okay. It's going to be okay, I'm here now." He stroked my hair as my body shook as I cried the tears that I'd been holding in since the accident. I had to be strong for my family, but they weren't here now. I could finally break.

"It's time to let go." I choked out between sobs, only to have Billie shush me.

"Kat, don't talk, just let it out. I'm here now, you'll be okay." He kissed the top of my head lightly and for the first time in almost a year, I felt some kind of comfort.

* * *

A light knocking woke me up the next morning. I looked out the window above Traci and I's bed and saw that it was still dark outside. I looked at my clock and saw it was only 5:00 AM. I threw my covers off of me and stretched as I walked to the door. This better be important.

After opening the door I rubbed my eyes once more to make sure I wasn't seeing things. No, it was still him.

"Billie." I said, my voice groggy.

"Hi, can I come in?" I moved out of the way and he walked into the room, turning to face me as I closed the door lightly.

"What are you doing here?"

"I...don't know. I felt the need to see you. I think you and I really need to have a talk."

After I stopped crying yesterday, Billie had taken me over to the couch in the living room where I fell asleep from being worn out. Mike carried me out to Traci's car when she was going back to the dorm that night and I hadn't talked to him since.

"Can't it wait?" One part of me wanted to know what he wanted to talk about, but the other, more aware part, knew I had my very first class in five hours.

"Well, no. I know you have class today so I came here as early as I thought appropriate." I looked over at Traci, who was still sound asleep.

"Well this isn't the most appropriate place." I pointed to Traci and Billie laughed lightly.

"I know, I was going to see if you wanted to get some breakfast." I was surprised by his offer, and I looked back at sleeping Traci and wondered what she'd think of this current situation.

"Yeah, okay. I'm just going to change and brush my teeth, meet you out front in a few minutes?" I walked over to the closet and grabbed my Ramones shirt and a pair of dark denim pants.

"All right. See you soon." He walked slowly towards the door and I walked into the bathroom, shutting the door lightly.

Before meeting Billie I wrote a small note to Traci to tell her where I was. As I walked down the hall I couldn't help but think of how weird this situation was. Just two days ago we didn't like each other and now he was arriving at my dorm room at five in the morning to talk.

~ ~ ~

I paced the front steps of the dorm as I waited for Kat to come down. I felt nervous. Was I actually going to open up to her just because she found me out?

She opened the door and wrapped her jacket tighter around her, it was a little chilly this morning but I was too busy thinking to notice the weather.

"All right, where are we going?" I asked, not caring what the answer was.

"Rod's Hickory Pit?" She smiled.

"Sure." I smiled and she began walking down the steps of the dorm.

Driving over to Rod's was pretty awkward, there was this tension between the two of us and neither of us knew what to do about it. It's funny how things can change within hours notice.

* * *

After receiving our pancakes and coffee, Kat seemed to lighten up a bit.

"So, you wanted to talk." She really wasn't one to put things off.

"Yeah. Uh, I just think it's time to share with somebody, and yesterday you said you were going through some kind of pain that you weren't ready to face yet...and so...I figured we could...kind of, you know, use each other." She stopped pouring syrup over her pancakes and looked up at me.

"You mean we confide in each other?"

"Yes, exactly."

She stared at me for a few moments, probably either trying to decide whether or not I was crazy or not.

"And...I should just..trust you with my secrets?"

"I may be a bit rough around the edges but I am a trustworthy guy." She laughed at my words and sipped her coffee before answering.

"A bit 'rough around the edges'? You made me cry after you left to go play at the party!" She yelled in a low voice, almost the same as physically slapping me in the face.

"You almost made me cry! Look, Kat, I'm not saying we have to become friends, I'm just saying I think it would be good if we both had somebody to confide in because, well, I'm about to crack and you can trust me. And since you already told me you were in pain, I think you should just let it out!"

She was quiet for a few moments, staring at her coffee mug.

"This is so weird, and risky, but fine. I'm in."