Love the One You're With

We were Fifteen
"Zach wake up! You fell asleep here. You've gotta go home. My mom is going to find you here."

Zach rolled over and smiled at me. "Why so uptight Pheebs?"

"Phoebe, breakfast is almost ready," we heard my mom call from the other room

"Come on Zach my mom's going to come in here."

"Your mom loves me."

"Yes, but she's not going to love you any more if she discovers you've been sneaking in my window at night."

"OK fine, I'll go," he said pouting.

Zach grabbed his sweatshirt and headed for the window. "Wait." I called to him.

I walked toward the window. "Aren't you going to kiss me good-bye?"

He pulled me close to him and put his lips to mine. That wasn't our first kiss, but it gave me butterflies like it was. When we pulled apart he looked down at me. "I liked sleeping with you last night."

We both giggled because we knew what that sounded like, but that's not what happened.

"Phoebe!" my mother called again.

"Maybe someday we'll be able to sleep together every night," he said as he climbed out the window. "Love you Phoebe."

"I Love you too Zach."

****

We got back to Sid's house. Our hands dropped as we walked in the door, and I immediately felt lonely. With out speaking I went to my room and took a long shower thinking about that kiss. When I finally finished my shower, I slipped on my robe, towel dried my hair. and sat on my bed. As I put my head in my hands there was a knock on my door. I didn't hesitate for a second, I jumped up and opened it to see the face that fills my mind so often.

"Can I come in?" Zach asked.

"I guess."

Zach walked in and walked around my room. He walked over to the photo of him and I on my desk. "You still have this huh?"

"Yeah."

"I still have it too," he said.

I sat on the bed and after looking at a couple of other photos Zach came and sat next to me. "Sorry about tonight Pheebs."

"I'm OK, don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry for a lot of things." I didn't say anything so he continued. "I'm sorry that I waited three years to find you."

"Well technically you didn't find me, you found Sidney, and I happened to be here," I said rather harshly.

"Your right, but we're here now. Tell me about you. I want to know everything about the last three years."

"I don't think you do Zach."

"No Phoebe, I do."

"Well I spent the first six months after we broke up a wreck. I'll spare you the gory details, but after about a year I finally graduated I got a job with a gallery here in Pittsburgh. I have the best job, I guess you could say it's the one thing in my life that I'm passionate about." I went on to explain how Sidney and I ended up living together.

"So the one thing you didn't mention is the guy in those pictures." He was asking about Joe.

"That's Joe, my boyfriend." I could see him cringe a little when I said that. I didn't want to talk anymore, because I didn't want to tell him I was engaged. "Zach, I'm really tired."

Zach looked me in the eyes. "Pheebs...Can I sleep in here with you." I looked at him doubtfully. "I promise to behave myself, I just want to be near you."

My heart wanted nothing more, but my mind controlled my mouth. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

"Come on, it'll be like old times we can just lay in bed talking until we fall asleep."

"I think that's the G version of what we did till we fell asleep." I teased.

"Well we could do that too," he teased back.

We both laughed. "You can stay, but no funny business."

Zach flashed me one of those smiles that make me melt, and we crawled into bed. His arms immediately went around me and laying in his arms felt like home to me.

"I was there you know." Zach said, but I didn't understand what he meant.

"Where?"I asked.

"Your graduation."

"No you weren't." I replied.

"Yeah actually, I was. I knew you were graduating, and I went. I was so proud of you."

"Why didn't you say anything to me?" I asked.

"Well I would of, I actually followed you and just when I thought I was going to catch you alone, you ran up to some old guy and started making out with him."

I sighed before beginning my explanation. "That was just one of many mistakes I made after our relationship ended. Look, for like the first two weeks after we split up I waited for you to call me. When you didn't I didn't know what to do. I stopped eating, going to class, studying. My roommate pulled me out of it by getting me to party. I drank my way through the next couple of months. I just wanted to be loved I guess, cuz I went home with more guys than I care to remember. After almost failing that semester, I actually showed up to my Economics class. Professor Grey, Michael, asked me to stay after class. He said he was worried about me. He knew something was wrong, cuz I had always done so well. He took me out to dinner to talk and the next thing I knew his hand was on my leg." Zach was listening intently. "We slept together and from then on instead of losing myself in liquor; I was losing myself in Michael. He totally took advantage of me, but I couldn't see it then. I just needed to forget you." Tears came to my eyes again.

Zach held me tighter. "I wish I would have known. I wish I would have said something to you at graduation. I just couldn't stand to see you with someone else."

"Forget it Zach, It's over, and my life in Pittsburgh has been great. Here it's my life, I'm not running away from our memories anymore."

"I'm sorry Phoebe."

"Enough about me, tell me about you."

Zach went on to tell me about his first training camp and his rookie year as a NJ Devil, he talked about his hockey accomplishments and his friends from the team.

"So hockey's going well, how about your love life." I held my breath, worried about what I was about to hear.

Zach laid back on the pillow. "I've dated, still dating, nothing major though. I guess it's tough when I compare everyone to you."

I snuggled into him. We talked most of the night I'm not sure when we actually fell asleep; I just know we did, and I had one more night of sleeping with Zach's arms around me.

****

"Phoebe, PHOEBE! Do you want to tell me what's going on here?" were the words I heard as I opened my eyes. I looked up and saw Joe standing over me. Sidney was standing in the doorway. Zach released me from his arms as we both sat up.

"Joe, it's not what it looks like."

"I'll wait for you downstairs," he said rather calmly and walked past Sidney out of the room.

Sid did his best to explain. "I'm so sorry Pheebs; I had no idea you two were ...well, whatever you were doing in here. I just opened the door, and he walked in. He said something about breakfast."

"I'll go explain it to him." Zach offered.

"No Zach, it's OK, I'll talk to him."

I got up, and grabbed my purse. I opened it and slid my hand in for my engagement ring. I could feel my keys, lipstick, cell phone, gum...but not the ring.

"Fuck me." I said dumping my purse out on the bed.

"What Pheebs?" Sidney asked.

"My ring, it's gone," I said totally panicked.

"What ring?" Zach asked.

"She didn't tell you?" Sid said.

"No Sidney, I didn't tell him." I paused and took a deep breath. "Zach, Joe's not just my boyfriend, he's my fiance. Maybe soon to be x-fiance."

Zach's eyes showed how much this piece of information hurt him. He didn't say anything, just turned away and walked out of my room.

"Sidney." I said as he wrapped his arms around me. "What am I going to do?"

"Go with your heart Phoebe."

"My heart leaves for New Jersey tomorrow Sidney. My heart didn't call me for three years, and wouldn't be here now, if he wasn't tricked into it."

"So go talk to Joe now, but you owe Zach a conversation about the whole fiance thing."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Come to the game tonight, I'll make sure you get a chance to talk to Zach after the game."

"I don't know."

"I'll leave you a ticket at the box office."

"Sidney?"

"Ya Pheebs?"

"Promise you'll win?"

"Of course Phoebe. I promise."