Love the One You're With

"I'm sorry I did this to you Phoebe. I had no idea you'd take all this so hard."

"I knew"

"I know you tried to warn me." Sid said.

I turned around and snuggled into Sidney. I really needed him now. I was truly afraid I wouldn't be able to pull myself together. At least this time I had him. When Zach left me the first time I had no one except people who thought being drunk for months on end was a good thing.

"I think we need to get your mind off this." Sid said. "How about you come to lunch with me and the guys."

"I'm in no condition for that, and I haven't seen Joe in two days If I'm going out I should really go see him."

"How about you go to lunch with us then go find that fiance of yours?" Sid asked.

"Sidney?"

"Ya Pheebs."

"I'll go with you on one condition."

"Sure what?"

"You know my father died, and well I'd ask you to be my maid of honor, but I don't think you'd look good in a dress."

"Ya."

I knew I was dragging out the question. "Would you give me away at my wedding?"

Sidney paused, I knew he wanted to tell me I was crazy. I knew he wanted to say no. He didn't support me getting married, but Sidney was my best friend and he's the only person I had that could do this for me.

"Oh Phoebe," Sid said doubtfully. I closed my eyes fully expecting him to say no. "I'll tell you what. If you can convince me that he is really going to make you happy. I mean happy for the rest of your life. I'll do it."

I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll convince you. You'll see. Thank you Sidney."

"Now I have a couple guys out there that are starving. Go get ready for lunch,"

****

On A Plane To NJ - Zach's POV

I took my usual seat on the plane, but instead of Travis who usually sat next to me, Marty took the seat beside me.

"You're not looking so good kid." Marty said.

I hated it when he called me kid. "I'm fine Marty."

"That little girl, Phoebe, she's got your mind racing huh?"

"It's not my mind that's giving me trouble at the moment." Zach replied.

"I know long distance relationships are hard, but you can make it work with her Parise."

"I wish it was that easy. Hell, I'd wrap her up and move her to NJ in a second. No Phoebe is engaged."

"What?" Marty said. "I got the impression she was still hung up on you."

"Oh, I think she still loves me. She just doesn't want to. She wants something safe so she doesn't get hurt again."

"Damn kid, what did you do to her?"

"I left her. That's all, but if you knew us before you'd know how bad that really was. I'm not sure I knew how bad that was until I saw her again."

"So she's marrying some guy she doesn't love?"

"It looks that way." I rubbed my hand through my hair.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Marty asked.

"You sound like Sidney."

"Sidney Crosby? I doubt that." Marty said laughing.

"Marty, I have to do something. I can't let her marry him."

"If there's anything I can do kid, let me know."

"Thanks Marty." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back trying to figure out what I could do to win her over. What would make her trust me again?

****

I went to lunch with Sidney, Jordan, Max, Kris and Marc-Andre. These were the guys I was closest to on the team, but I only hung around them when Sid was there. Other than that I usually avoided them despite being invited many times to hang out. The last thing I needed was to get involved with another hockey player.

"So you're engaged." Kris said.

"Ya." I said lacking enthusiasm.

"Don't sound so excited about it." Max said.

"I'm just having a bad day. Of course I'm excited."

"Where's the ring?" Jordan asked.

"She lost it when she was hanging out with Parise." Sid offered up an explanation.

"Oh so your engaged but your hanging out with Zach Parise?" Jordan asked.

"Something like that." I replied not wanting to give an explanation.

"She and Parise used to be a thing." Sid replied.

"Ok that's enough talking about Zach. I'm getting married to Joe and I'm really happy about that."

"You look thrilled." Max said. I gave Max a dirty look.

"He's a lawyer?" Kris asked. "Does he like hockey? He's not going to keep you from our games is he?"

"He is a lawyer Kris, and no he doesn't really like hockey, but I do. It's in my blood."

"Your not going to start rooting for the devils are you?" Jordan asked.

"No way. Sid's my best friend, and you guys aren't bad either. I think I'll stick with the Penguins."

There were a series of small cheers around the table as the waitress brought our lunch. She seemed to linger giving Jordan a look, that he returned. We joked around the table about Jordan getting lucky with the waitress. It was refreshing to talk about something other then my impending wedding but it didn't take long to get back to it.

"Hey Sid. I have a great idea; after the playoffs why don't we throw Phoebe a bachelorette party." Max said, and you could almost see the lightbulb over his head.

"Great idea." Sid replied.

"Oh no, I don't think so. Isn't a bachelorette party supposed to be girls."

"We are way more fun." Max proclaimed.

"Come on Pheebs. Let us do it; it'll be fun."

"I don't know." I was sitting looking at a table full of hockey players with pouts. "Oh my god, you bunch of babies. Fine you can do a bachelorette party for me." I conceded rolling my eyes. Smiles sprang to their faces. Sidney already looked like he was up to something.

I had a really great lunch with the guys. I hardly thought of Zach at all. I had this crazy bachelorette party to skeptically look forward to. I eventually told them I had to go. I needed to go see Joe. He was already feeling insecure. I was driving over when my phone rang. I was driving so I didn't look at who was calling.

****

"Hello"

"Hi beautiful."

"Zach?"

"Yes it's Zach. Phoebe. I told you I'd call."

"Sorry, I'm just not used to it I guess." I replied.

"Are you doing OK?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm Ok." This wasn't a lie; I was better than I expected to be thanks to Sidney.

"I thought maybe you missed me." Zach said trying to be cute.

"I'm managing." I replied.

"Well, I'm looking through my schedule to see when I can get to Pittsburgh again. I'll call you later in the week as soon as I get the practice schedule."

"Zach you really don't have to do that."

"Phoebe, I wasn't lying. I am going to be in your life and if you are determined to marry this guy, the least I can do is meet him."

"Uh, I think you did kind of meet him."

"Having him catch me in bed with his fiance isn't a proper meeting." We both laughed. Zach always had a way to say something to lighten my mood.

"It's not a big deal Zach really."

"It is to me Phoebe. You mean a lot to me, and so I think I should get to know this guy."

"His name is Joe." I replied.

"Right, Joe. I should get to know him."

"Whatever Zach. Let me know what your schedule looks like. I should go, I just got to his house." I truly didn't like the idea of him getting to know Joe. I couldn't imagine what these two would have in common.

"Hey Phoebe. I miss you."

"Ok, well I have to go."

"Bye Pheebs."

I hung up the phone. "I miss you too Zach. You have no idea." I took a big deep breath and went to see my fiance.

Zach called me two days later and left me a message with the dates that he'd be able to visit. I couldn't believe the effort he was putting into this. Now I had to figure out how to deal with him being back in my life. My biggest fear was the emotions that his calls were drumming up in me. I didn't want him to give me butterflies, but hearing his voice did just that.

****

Wedding plans, wedding plans, wedding plans. I didn't realize how hard it was to plan a wedding in five months. Joe offered to get me a wedding coordinator, and now I was wishing I'd taken him up on it. Instead I was going from place to place looking for cakes, linens, favors, meeting the photographer and the florist. Poor Sidney got dragged along on more errands than he cared to. To make matters worse most of these meetings were just initial meetings, I'd have to meet them again to finalize everything. The two hardest parts for me were choosing a maid of honor and choosing a wedding dress. They weren't hard like I couldn't decide, they were emotionally hard.

I actually knew who my maid of honor was going to be; I just really didn't want to ask her. My maid of honor would me my sister Chelsea. I so dreaded calling her. I had a terrible relationship with my sister, even when we were little. She was a year older than me and always rivaled me for everything, even Zach. I had no interest in competing with her, but she couldn't let anything go. If I decided to run track, she'd run track to be faster. If I decided to buy a dress, she'd buy a more beautiful one. My whole childhood was like that. The one thing she hated most is my relationship with Zach. Whether Zach and I were 8 and best friends or 17 and lovers, she hated it. What she didn't realize is that she was making me closer to Zach. I'd run to him to escape her. I couldn't prove it, but I was pretty sure she tried to get together with Zach. I could just read Zach like a book, and could tell. As far as I knew nothing ever happened. Now we were adults. The last time I spoke to her was a couple weeks after Zach and I broke up. I called my mother, and Chelsea answered the phone.

"Mom told me about Zach." She said smuggly.

"Ya, is mom there?" I asked trying to avoid talking to her about it.

"No, mom's out. So what are you going to do now without Zach to take care of you?"

"I'll be fine Chelsea."

"I can't believe that you screwed things up with him little sister. That relationship was the only thing you had going for you."

That was the last conversation we had and until now I would have been happy if it was the very last conversation ever. Now Joe was pressing me to chose someone to be my maid of honor, and as I didn't have any good girlfriends, Joe was pushing me to ask Chelsea. I took a deep breath and got ready to call her.

"Hi Chels, it's Phoebe."

"Phoebe, I'm surprised to hear from you. Mom says your doing well."

"Yeah I'm doing fine. I actually just got engaged. That's why I'm calling."

"Oh, did you and Zach get back together?"

My heart sank, even Chelsea figured it would be Zach and I getting married. "No I'm not back with Zach. I'm marrying Joe Sanders. He lives here in Pittsburgh."

"Good for you Phoebe, I guess I never thought you'd get over your puppy love with Zach." Her tone was condescending.

I didn't want to talk to her about Zach. "Well the reason I was calling is to see if you'd be my maid of honor."

"I'm really surprised you'd ask me. It's not like we've ever been close." she replied.

"If you don't want to Chelsea, I understand."

"No, no, I'll do it. I'm dying to meet the guy that got your mind off Zach."

Why couldn't she just let it go. I gave her the wedding details and told her we'd talk more soon. I was dreading the future conversations with her. I knew she'd keep rubbing my failure with Zach in my face.

Joe was very proud of me, trying to reconnect with my family. He totally misunderstood me in this re-guard. I wasn't trying to reconnect with Chelsea, I was just trying to find someone to be my maid of honor since he was insisting on having a best man and maid of honor. I would have been happy with a little service that included just the two of us.

Now that I had dealt with that, my next big challenge was the dress. I just wasn't ready for that yet. Something about picking out a wedding dress was just more than I could handle. As a kid and a teenager, I'd always dreamed of what my wedding dress would look like. As I got older and as styles change so did the idea of my perfect wedding gown. The one thing that was always the same in the photo in my mind... was the groom, Zach Parise. I spent the last 3 years forcing any thoughts of weddings or what my wedding would be like out of my mind. Now I could remember all those snapshots that I had created in my mind of me with a short dress, a long dress a tight dress, a poofy dress, but I couldn't bring myself to put myself in a wedding dress with a different groom. It was three months till the wedding and I knew I had to get my dress. If I found one and it needed to be altered, I would need at least three months.

There was a little shop in Fox Chapel that Natalie Lemieux told me about. I was going to close the gallery a little early tomorrow and go try on wedding dresses. I called Sid, cuz I knew I couldn't do it myself.

"Sid."

"Hey Pheebs, You Ok?" he asked.

"Sure, fine. I need to get a wedding dress, and I was wondering if you would consider coming with me."

"Ooo I'll get to see the bride in her wedding dress."

"Seriously, I don't think I can do it myself, and I'd love to get a man's perspective."

"Sure, when?

"Tomorrow at 4 in Fox Chapel?"

"Isn't Zach coming tomorrow?"

"Not until late like 9 or something."

"Ok sure. I'll get the details from you tonight."

"Thanks Sid."

"Oh Pheebs, here..." He pressed something into my hand. "You're going to need that if your getting married."

"You found my ring," I said less enthusiastically than I should have. "You're a life saver Crosby. Thanks."

Sid bent down and kissed my forehead. "You're welcome."

****

We Were Sixteen

I sat at my desk facing out the window. I cut the picture out of the magazine carefully. I began pasting it into my scrapbook when out of no where I was being picked up and lifted out of my chair. I let out a huge scream as Zach threw me on the bed tickling me. "Stop, stop tickling me Zach." I said laughing.

He stopped, and looked down at me. "Why didn't you tell me no one was home. I would have been here much earlier. He said kissing my neck. Oh I liked when he did that, but I couldn't help think about what was laying open on my desk. I needed to put it away before Zach saw it.

"Zach, Zach stop" I said softly. "I have to get something." I pushed him off me and headed to the desk, but Zach beat me there. He grabbed my scrapbook and opened it before I could stop him. "No Zach, no! Don't look at that." I yelled, but it was no use. He held me back with one hand and opened the book with the other.

"What is this Phoebe?" he asked leafing through pages of wedding dresses, rings, flowers, white high heeled shoes.

I stopped trying to get the book from him and fell back on the bed face down simply dying of embarrassment. "Pheebs is this a wedding scrapbook? Are you planning our wedding?"

All teenage girls think about their weddings, but I was just a little more organized. I couldn't answer him, I wanted to cry. I knew he was going to make fun of me.

Zach crawled into bed with me and wrapped his arms around me. I turned to my side facing away from him. "Come on baby. I think it's cool that you think about us getting married someday."

"You do?" I said, still not looking back.

"Well, I wouldn't admit it to my guy friends, but ya. Besides once we get married we can do this all the time." He said turning me. He kissed me, raising the temperature in the room 20 degrees. Our kisses were growing increasingly heated, and it was getting harder to stop.

When we finally did break apart, I smiled at him. "I love you Zach."

"Mmm, I love you too." Zach said softly into my ear.

'If only we were old enough to get married now, then I'd know we'd always be together,' I thought as the kissing started again.

****

4PM the Next Day

I stood outside of the bridal shop pacing. It was 4:10. Where's Sidney? I can't go in there without him. My phone buzzed. It was a text from Sidney. He was running late, but would be here by 4:30, I should start with out him and show him the good ones, he said. I took a deep breath; it's time to be a big girl. I walked in and was surrounded my a sea of white. A bubbly blond woman bounced over to me. "Phoebe Ericson?" she asked

"Yes."

"Mrs. Lemieux called and scheduled an appointment for you. We have a dressing room all ready for you. Just take a look around and pull out some styles you like. Then we'll get started."

She began to walk away, but I stopped her. "Oh Miss I'm expecting someone, he should be here soon. Can you send him back if I'm in the dressing room?"

"Sure." she replied.

I did as I was told and mostly pulled out some random dresses. I figured I wanted something plain, not too much beading. Maybe just long and white. I pulled a couple dresses out having no idea what I really wanted. As I was about to go back to the dressing room, I saw a dress out of the corner of my eye. The thing that drew me to it was the color. Instead of bright white, it was champaign in color. I pulled it out and added it to the others.

I stepped into the huge dressing room. I guess with the size of some of these gowns, the room has to be big. In the middle of the room was a pedestal where you could stand and see yourself in a three way mirror. I took a deep breath and got started. I tried on one dress. Wow, I looked like a mermaid. I tried on another, way too low cut. I tried on five or six more. It was 4:45 and still Sid wasn't there. There were two dresses left. A plain white one and the champaign colored one that I had grabbed at the last minute. What the hell, I'll try on the champaign one.

The blond woman sipped it over my head zipped me up and ran out of the room because the door buzzer rang. I stood up on the pedestal and looked at myself in this dress. It had thin spaghetti straps and the bodice was tight and adorned sparingly with rhinestones. The skirt of the dress was tule, but not puffy. This was the most beautiful dress and it fit me like a glove. As I looked into the mirror, I started thinking of the old snapshots in my mind. Tears came to my eyes as the new snapshot formed in my mind. I was wearing this perfect dress and standing beside the same groom from my memory. This is the dress I would wear to marry Zach.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I looked up to notice a pair of eyes watching me. They were also filled with tears. These eyes didn't belong to Sidney or the blond woman, they were Zach's eyes.