Megalomania
Megalomania
Paradise comes at a price
That I am not prepared to pay
What were w built for?
Could someone tell me please
Silently and looking straight ahead, the musician waked inside the one place he dreaded and skeptically looked around. Alone, in a church, with a lyric journal and a measure book used to write music. It was only a suggestion, and he knew he didn’t have to be here.
So why did he listen? Why did he even bother to come alone? Why was he sitting inside the one place he dreaded, told himself never to enter again unless he needed to?
Sighing he kept his head down the entire time, concentrating on the blank page in front of him. He refused, refused to pick his head up and have a glimpse at his surroundings. If someone else was with him, maybe Matthew would have the courage to look around and sneak a peak. But, he couldn’t. Matthew could not allow himself to be sucked in and stare at the pictures on the wall. Matthew knew the real reason why he sat in the pew, located in the rear of the church close to the center:
He looked for answers. Answers for why we were alive, what we lived for, and the like. Why did we live for perfection? Why did we believe in a supernatural being when we could just be our won God, set our own rules and limitations? Still, he kept his head down and continued to write anything that came to mind, the surroundings of the horrid place helping Matthew to much of his surprise.
“Good suggestion I made, eh?”
Matthew jumped and fell back in the pew, picking his head up and for the first time looking around.
No one was behind his shoulder, not even a priest, a nun, or another church figure.
The good news is, she can’t have babies
And won’t accept gifts from me
What are they for?
They’ll just grow up, and break the laws you’ve loved
Still in a state of shock, Matthew sat directly up and rubbed his face, continuing to write in his notebook. That was, until another idea struck a spark and caused his eyeballs to jump out of his head.
Megalomania. The obsession of one’s self, people such as Hitler led to believe that they are superior to all others. Making innocent lives follow, keeping them under lock and key away from the real world. Grinning, laughing as the “leader” keeps the lives in the palm of his hand. To Matthew, the Christian faith worked in the same way – God being superior to all frames of mind, leading others to believe that nothing else mattered.
And in the end all of the followers fo the same exact action, they all break laws unless they are extremely devote. Even a strong believer in the Christian faith will break the church laws at least once or twice in his or her lifetime. Everyone has sex to reproduce, not ever human being shows respect to his or her elders, and what about the priests? What about the ones who molested little boys for their own pleasure? Who had the answers for that; something like that would definitely veer someone away from the religion, or better yet open up doors and allowing something just as horrible to happen.
Matthew sighed and this time wrote down another verse, looking up at the sequence of pictures on the walls. How could a virgin give birth? He knew the whole story, but still found it very hard to believe. A story like that led Matthew to believe just how contradictory the church could be.
Or, in his own words: a load of rubbish that did him no good in the future.
“Hey, why are you still here?”
Jumping once again and turning fully around, Matthew stared at his band mate and held his chest, his heart beating a mile a minute, “Oh my... Dom, bloody hell you scared me.”
“Don’t you mean ‘oh my God’? Or are you too paranoid to say that?”
“Hush up.”
Dom took the spot next to Matt and rubbed his back, “Buddy you look like you just saw a ghost. Do you want to leave now?”
Matthew just shook his head and went back to writing, trying to annoy the fact that Dominic sat beside him. Once again, he rubbed his head, trying to think of more lyrics that would make a good song.
Take off your disguise
I know that underneath it’s me
“Matt?”
“Hmm?”
“Let me ask you a question... why are you so against religion?”
Matthew looked up and glimpsed at Dominic, not sure of what he should say.
“Um... well... first of all Dom, I am not really against religion. How can I be if I am an Atheist? That is a religion.”
“Yeah, but you always seem yo talk about... how much religion sucks.”
“It’s not that,” he sighed and put his pen down, “I don’t think religion sucks, per say. I just don’t like Jesus pushers, and overly-obsessive religious nuts. Some people just get... too ridiculous.”
“So, what do you believe in then?” Dominic picked up the notebook and skimmed through it, waiting for an awaited answer.
“I don’t believe in God, I believe that we are “God” within ourselves. We can make ourselves happy, follow our own morals that we make. Everything is man-made, right? We can create our own paradise, without the guide of a petty religion to tell us otherwise. I am a devote Atheist, I do not believe in God. This is how I like to look at things.”
The only thing Dominic could do was nod his head. He handed Matthew back the notebook and allowed the younger man to finish his work.
Useless device, it won’t suffice
I want a new game to play
When I am gone
It won’t be long before I disturb you in the dark
And paradise comes at a price
That I am not prepared to pay
What were we built for?
Will someone tell me please
Out of nowhere Matthew threw his notebook at the ground and stood up, beginning to walk around the church as if he were in a complete daze. He knew that Dominic watched his every move, but refused to care. He walked slowly down the isle, looking at everything that surrounded him. The pictures on the walls, the candles lightening up the church, the many nativity sets located throughout. Dominic followed close behind, waiting and watching for whenever Matthew decided to break.
Sighing, Matthew skimmed the building from head to toe. He remembered it being the same exact way when he was a teenager.
That was, until he decided that the church held nothing for him.
Matthew has seen enough in his life to tell him that God meant nothing. How could someone still believe in God after so many bad things happen? The game got old and after awhile Matthew grew tired with playing the faith game. His parents divorced when he turned fourteen, his uncle was killed at a young age, and the environment Matthew grew up in was not a healthy one. His friends turned into drug addicts, things began to go downhill, and before Matthew knew it he weighed close to one hundred pounds. Yes, he knew things were beginning to take a tole on him, but never could he admit to it.
Maybe he couldn’t find it in his heart to admit that there actually was a God.
“Matt, if you want to go...”
Frantically the musician shook his head and walked to the front of the church, eyeing the one thing in front of his very eyes, the one thing he died to get his eyes on. To touch it, feel it, and most of all?
Just play it.
Matthew walked over to the organ and sat in front of it, eyes gleaming with astonishment. Never once did he play an organ.
And now, would be the perfect time.
Take off your disguise
I know that underneath it’s me
Dominic walked to the front and stood beside his band mate, watching as he played anything that came to mind. But Dominic did know that as the songs became progressively louder in volume and more intense, Matthew’s angst came out. As much as Matthew loved the guitar, his emotions came out with the piano. He played exceptionally well, better then some other musicians out there.
But what always killed Dominic, was his best friend’s modesty. Matthew either turned out to be too modest, or constantly put himself down. And Dominic hated that with a passion. Dominic sat beside Matthew and continued to watch, taking everything about the younger man in. And Dominic, did know that Matthew would not have the slightest clue. As Dominic continued to think about his band mate, he heard a quiet whimper sound from Matthew and immediately drew his attention to it.
“Matt? What’s wrong?”
“Why did I...”
“... why did you what?”
“Why did I come here,” he choked on a sob, “Dom, why did I come here? What good will it do me?”
Dominic sighed and rubbed Matthew’s back, “Because you wanted to test yourself possibly? See how far you could go? Matt, for the longest time you feared stepping foot inside of a church. Today, you did it. It doesn’t mean you are a Christian, you just... saw how this all was for yourself.”
Matthew choked on a sob once again and wrapped his arms around Dominic, clinging to his best friend and crying for the first time in a long while.
“All I want are some answers, is that so much to bloody ask? Is there really some type of God out there? Do our lives have a purpose? Dom, I just wanna...” he hiccuped and looked up at his best friend.
“What do you want, Matt?”
“I just... I wanna be happy.”
Dominic held Matthew close, and looked into his blue eyes, noticing for the first time just how empty and saddened the younger man turned out to be. Dominic looked at Matthew, leaning in closely, enough for their lips to touch. Taken by surprise, Matthew leaned in and kissed his band mate, allowing everything he once felt to be washed away. A few seconds later, Dominic pulled away and smiled.
“Come on, lets get out of here.”
Matthew nodded and stood up, walking with Dominic to the rear of the church, holding each other’s hand.
“Did you see all you wanted to see, Mr. Bellamy?”
Stopping dead in their tracks, both men looked at each other, then behind their shoulders.
No one was there.
That I am not prepared to pay
What were w built for?
Could someone tell me please
Silently and looking straight ahead, the musician waked inside the one place he dreaded and skeptically looked around. Alone, in a church, with a lyric journal and a measure book used to write music. It was only a suggestion, and he knew he didn’t have to be here.
So why did he listen? Why did he even bother to come alone? Why was he sitting inside the one place he dreaded, told himself never to enter again unless he needed to?
Sighing he kept his head down the entire time, concentrating on the blank page in front of him. He refused, refused to pick his head up and have a glimpse at his surroundings. If someone else was with him, maybe Matthew would have the courage to look around and sneak a peak. But, he couldn’t. Matthew could not allow himself to be sucked in and stare at the pictures on the wall. Matthew knew the real reason why he sat in the pew, located in the rear of the church close to the center:
He looked for answers. Answers for why we were alive, what we lived for, and the like. Why did we live for perfection? Why did we believe in a supernatural being when we could just be our won God, set our own rules and limitations? Still, he kept his head down and continued to write anything that came to mind, the surroundings of the horrid place helping Matthew to much of his surprise.
“Good suggestion I made, eh?”
Matthew jumped and fell back in the pew, picking his head up and for the first time looking around.
No one was behind his shoulder, not even a priest, a nun, or another church figure.
The good news is, she can’t have babies
And won’t accept gifts from me
What are they for?
They’ll just grow up, and break the laws you’ve loved
Still in a state of shock, Matthew sat directly up and rubbed his face, continuing to write in his notebook. That was, until another idea struck a spark and caused his eyeballs to jump out of his head.
Megalomania. The obsession of one’s self, people such as Hitler led to believe that they are superior to all others. Making innocent lives follow, keeping them under lock and key away from the real world. Grinning, laughing as the “leader” keeps the lives in the palm of his hand. To Matthew, the Christian faith worked in the same way – God being superior to all frames of mind, leading others to believe that nothing else mattered.
And in the end all of the followers fo the same exact action, they all break laws unless they are extremely devote. Even a strong believer in the Christian faith will break the church laws at least once or twice in his or her lifetime. Everyone has sex to reproduce, not ever human being shows respect to his or her elders, and what about the priests? What about the ones who molested little boys for their own pleasure? Who had the answers for that; something like that would definitely veer someone away from the religion, or better yet open up doors and allowing something just as horrible to happen.
Matthew sighed and this time wrote down another verse, looking up at the sequence of pictures on the walls. How could a virgin give birth? He knew the whole story, but still found it very hard to believe. A story like that led Matthew to believe just how contradictory the church could be.
Or, in his own words: a load of rubbish that did him no good in the future.
“Hey, why are you still here?”
Jumping once again and turning fully around, Matthew stared at his band mate and held his chest, his heart beating a mile a minute, “Oh my... Dom, bloody hell you scared me.”
“Don’t you mean ‘oh my God’? Or are you too paranoid to say that?”
“Hush up.”
Dom took the spot next to Matt and rubbed his back, “Buddy you look like you just saw a ghost. Do you want to leave now?”
Matthew just shook his head and went back to writing, trying to annoy the fact that Dominic sat beside him. Once again, he rubbed his head, trying to think of more lyrics that would make a good song.
Take off your disguise
I know that underneath it’s me
“Matt?”
“Hmm?”
“Let me ask you a question... why are you so against religion?”
Matthew looked up and glimpsed at Dominic, not sure of what he should say.
“Um... well... first of all Dom, I am not really against religion. How can I be if I am an Atheist? That is a religion.”
“Yeah, but you always seem yo talk about... how much religion sucks.”
“It’s not that,” he sighed and put his pen down, “I don’t think religion sucks, per say. I just don’t like Jesus pushers, and overly-obsessive religious nuts. Some people just get... too ridiculous.”
“So, what do you believe in then?” Dominic picked up the notebook and skimmed through it, waiting for an awaited answer.
“I don’t believe in God, I believe that we are “God” within ourselves. We can make ourselves happy, follow our own morals that we make. Everything is man-made, right? We can create our own paradise, without the guide of a petty religion to tell us otherwise. I am a devote Atheist, I do not believe in God. This is how I like to look at things.”
The only thing Dominic could do was nod his head. He handed Matthew back the notebook and allowed the younger man to finish his work.
Useless device, it won’t suffice
I want a new game to play
When I am gone
It won’t be long before I disturb you in the dark
And paradise comes at a price
That I am not prepared to pay
What were we built for?
Will someone tell me please
Out of nowhere Matthew threw his notebook at the ground and stood up, beginning to walk around the church as if he were in a complete daze. He knew that Dominic watched his every move, but refused to care. He walked slowly down the isle, looking at everything that surrounded him. The pictures on the walls, the candles lightening up the church, the many nativity sets located throughout. Dominic followed close behind, waiting and watching for whenever Matthew decided to break.
Sighing, Matthew skimmed the building from head to toe. He remembered it being the same exact way when he was a teenager.
That was, until he decided that the church held nothing for him.
Matthew has seen enough in his life to tell him that God meant nothing. How could someone still believe in God after so many bad things happen? The game got old and after awhile Matthew grew tired with playing the faith game. His parents divorced when he turned fourteen, his uncle was killed at a young age, and the environment Matthew grew up in was not a healthy one. His friends turned into drug addicts, things began to go downhill, and before Matthew knew it he weighed close to one hundred pounds. Yes, he knew things were beginning to take a tole on him, but never could he admit to it.
Maybe he couldn’t find it in his heart to admit that there actually was a God.
“Matt, if you want to go...”
Frantically the musician shook his head and walked to the front of the church, eyeing the one thing in front of his very eyes, the one thing he died to get his eyes on. To touch it, feel it, and most of all?
Just play it.
Matthew walked over to the organ and sat in front of it, eyes gleaming with astonishment. Never once did he play an organ.
And now, would be the perfect time.
Take off your disguise
I know that underneath it’s me
Dominic walked to the front and stood beside his band mate, watching as he played anything that came to mind. But Dominic did know that as the songs became progressively louder in volume and more intense, Matthew’s angst came out. As much as Matthew loved the guitar, his emotions came out with the piano. He played exceptionally well, better then some other musicians out there.
But what always killed Dominic, was his best friend’s modesty. Matthew either turned out to be too modest, or constantly put himself down. And Dominic hated that with a passion. Dominic sat beside Matthew and continued to watch, taking everything about the younger man in. And Dominic, did know that Matthew would not have the slightest clue. As Dominic continued to think about his band mate, he heard a quiet whimper sound from Matthew and immediately drew his attention to it.
“Matt? What’s wrong?”
“Why did I...”
“... why did you what?”
“Why did I come here,” he choked on a sob, “Dom, why did I come here? What good will it do me?”
Dominic sighed and rubbed Matthew’s back, “Because you wanted to test yourself possibly? See how far you could go? Matt, for the longest time you feared stepping foot inside of a church. Today, you did it. It doesn’t mean you are a Christian, you just... saw how this all was for yourself.”
Matthew choked on a sob once again and wrapped his arms around Dominic, clinging to his best friend and crying for the first time in a long while.
“All I want are some answers, is that so much to bloody ask? Is there really some type of God out there? Do our lives have a purpose? Dom, I just wanna...” he hiccuped and looked up at his best friend.
“What do you want, Matt?”
“I just... I wanna be happy.”
Dominic held Matthew close, and looked into his blue eyes, noticing for the first time just how empty and saddened the younger man turned out to be. Dominic looked at Matthew, leaning in closely, enough for their lips to touch. Taken by surprise, Matthew leaned in and kissed his band mate, allowing everything he once felt to be washed away. A few seconds later, Dominic pulled away and smiled.
“Come on, lets get out of here.”
Matthew nodded and stood up, walking with Dominic to the rear of the church, holding each other’s hand.
“Did you see all you wanted to see, Mr. Bellamy?”
Stopping dead in their tracks, both men looked at each other, then behind their shoulders.
No one was there.