Faded Memories on the Wall

May 1992

Desperate, out of control laughter and a thick layer of smoke permeated the air of the living room, our small group of friends sat in a circle on the floor, a couple of perfectly rolled joints being passed around between us. Mike’s birthday was going swimmingly. And to me, it felt like it was swimming literally. The boys of Green Day, myself, Jack and Kelly, had smoked our way through a hell of a lot of Billie’s pot that afternoon; the perfect way to celebrate a birthday.

“Alright everyone,” Billie Joe yelled, raising his hands above his head as though to get our attention. “I would like to propose a toast, to my best friend Michael Ryan Pritchard, so everyone raise their joints.”

“There are only two joints, Billie,” Kelly giggled.

“Well, make believe, Kelly,” Billie sighed. “As I was saying, let us raise our joints to Mike, Happy Birthday!”

The four of us not in possession of the weed stupidly raised our hands in the air, and then sat there confused as to what to do at that point, while Billie and Mike took the longest drags I have ever seen.

“Hold up there boys,” I said. “Share the love”

Billie snicked and passed to Tre on his left while Mike handed me the goods, placing a kiss on my cheek as he did so.

I smiled, before placing my lips around the cigarette, inhaling deeply. I exhaled through shaky laughter, at what I’m not quite sure.

The evening continued on in much the same trend – the six of us getting stoned as fuck, telling stupid jokes and generally just having a good time for Mike’s birthday – before the party began to disperse.

“I am hungry as fuck,” Jack announced, climbing to his feet. “I’m going for pizza, who’s with me?”

Kelly and Billie Joe both stood in response, both claiming an intense eagerness for food. Tre seemed to be in a pot induced daze, staring blankly at the wall across the room from him, he didn’t respond.

Mike looked at me, his eyes sleepy and filled with lust. “Do you want to just go to bed?”

I didn’t reply to him, but jumped to my feet, speaking quickly. “Yeah, we’ll give it a miss guys, have fun.”

The others laughed and rolled their eyes, waving goodbye, wishing their last birthday wishes to Mike and heading hurriedly for the door. Mike and I hurried in the other direction; destination, bedroom.

Mike got there before me and as I closed the door behind me, he turned and pushed me up against it, lips claiming my own. His hands were everywhere and the temperature in the room was steadily rising. He began to walk backwards, gently pulling me towards the bed, hands clasping my hips, our lips never breaking contact.

Our legs hit the bed sooner than expected, and the way in which we were wrapped together led to us falling onto the bed in a mess of limbs. It was then that I was reminded of just how stoned we were; it felt like the funniest thing that had ever happened. We both laughed uncontrollably, finally distracted from our heated activities.

When our laughter eventually lessened I shuffled closer to Mike, coming to rest with my head in the little nook of his shoulder. I felt both of his arms wrap around me and I smiled into his chest.

Things had been absolutely perfect between the two of us since the tour and my leaving college. We had only been home for a week or so, but had already fallen into a comfortable pattern of working and partying and coming home to each other every night. We’d have amazing sex or conversations that went well into the night, and then fall asleep in each others arms.

“Happy Birthday, love,” I murmured.

Mike squeezed me impossibly closer and sighed, a content and happy sound. “I love you, Evie.”

“I love you too.”

He seemed to hesitate before he spoke again, like he was holding onto a big secret and was unsure if he should let it out into the world. I brought my hand to the small patch of his stomach that had become exposed when his shirt rose higher than it would normally sit, I began to trace lazy circles on his skin, attempting to calm him and transfer all of the love I was feeling through a simple movement.

“I think I will love you forever.” He spoke so quietly that I barely heard him, and although we were high, it was the tone with which he said it that encouraged me to realize how serious he was.

I turned to face him, looking up into big blue eyes. Admittedly they were rimmed with red; however I don’t think I’ve ever seen them sparkle like they did in that moment. “And I’ll love you forever, I promise.”

We leaned towards each other, sharing a single chaste and perfect kiss. I snuggled back down into his chest, content and too tired to make more of a move on the birthday boy.

We lay together for what felt like an age, neither of us speaking. My world was still spinning when I felt Mike move beneath me, reaching away from me for some unknown object.

“What are you doing?” I muttered.

I opened my eyes as he nudged me to sit up slightly. I discovered that he had been reaching for the camera that had been on his bedside table. I snickered a little, terrified for the results of a photography session when we were this intoxicated.

“I need a picture of us together,” Mike said. “In this moment, when everything in my world is totally perfect.”

I couldn’t argue against that reasoning, despite the danger of attempting to photograph yourself. It was just so difficult and usually resulted in a waste of film. Mike didn’t seem to mind however, as moments later he was winding the film and then pulling me closer to him and lifting the camera out in front of him.

At the last moment I felt him turn to place his lips to my forehead; I grinned and found myself blinded by the flash.

April 1998

A smile graced my lips, followed by full bodied laughter tumbling out of me. The photo that I held in my hand was ridiculous. It barely contained the two of us, but showed half of each of us. It was taken from far too close and from a strange angle, as though the person’s grip on the camera had slipped at the last moment.

The eyes that looked back at me, were barely recognizable as my own, they were like little red slits. My mouth was wide open in the biggest grin I’d seen on my own face, a grin that was slightly askew. There was something about Mike’s face that gave away how high he was, despite the fact that his eyes were closed and his head turned, giving my face a kiss. Perhaps it was the fact that his lips were closer to my temple than forehead and forced forward in a comical representation of a kiss. Or it might have been the way that his eyes were screwed up incredibly tight in deep concentration.

The photo spoke volumes to me, other than screaming ‘these two people have smoked a ridiculous amount of marijuana’. It was the perfect display of how happy and carefree those days were, of how in love the two of us had been. And it was a painful reminder of the promise made that day. In the drug and emotion induced haze, we had promised to love each other always, forever.

And now where were we?

I blinked away the tears that had unknowingly crept into my eyes, replacing the photo in its box and standing. I reached for my keys and handbag and began to make my way to the door of my apartment.

A completely unexpected sight greeted me when I yanked open the door; Mike stood before me, hand raised and ready to knock.

“Hey,” we both spoke in surprise at the same time.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, not thinking to step back and invite him inside.

“I just thought we could talk; last night didn’t exactly end well.” He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, giving me a hopeful look.

“I was actually on my way to pick up Drake from day care, now’s not really the best time.”

“I can drive you,” he suggested. I began to shake my head no, but he kept talking. “Look, we have tonight off, then a gig tomorrow and then I’m gone back on tour. I don’t want to leave without sorting this out and spending some time with you.”

I sighed in resignation. “Okay, you can come along for the drive to the day care centre and back but that’s it, you can’t stay for dinner.”

He smiled gratefully but didn’t say anything as I locked up and we made our way towards the parking lot.

***

How he managed to weasel his way into a chair at my dinner table I don’t know. But somehow, the three of us – Mike, myself and my little Drake – were seated at my small table in the kitchen, enjoying the chicken pasta I had thrown in the slow cooker earlier that day.

“You okay there little man,” I turned to help Drake take a few more mouthfuls of the pasta dish that was getting neglected in favour of staring at Mike. My son was clearly intrigued by the strange man that was suddenly sharing our dinner with us.

Mike chuckled at the young boy’s interest. “He’s gorgeous, Evie” he said between mouthfuls. “He looks just like you.”

I turned to glare at the man across from me, my son’s face was currently completely covered in pasta sauce and I was unable to tell if Mike’s comment had been a compliment.

Mike laughed again at my expression, “I swear that’s a good thing.”

I tried to appear disgruntled by the situation, but couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face as I cleaned Drake up a little and then returned to my own dinner.

An hour or so later, with Drake washed up and sleeping soundly in his bed, Mike and I were seated next to each other on the couch, both of us with a beer in hand. We were angled towards one another, but weren’t saying much. We still hadn’t discussed the events of the previous night, despite Mike’s original reason for coming over.

I leant further back into the couch, resting my head on the back cushion as Mike eventually began to speak.

“Evie,” he said. “You know I came over today for a reason.”

I nodded, but didn’t trust myself to speak. As much as I’d resisted having this conversation, I was eager to hear what he had to say.

“Yesterday was…a bit intense, I know. But I’ve never felt for anyone what I felt for you during those years we spent together and you can’t deny that there is still this connection between us. I think I rushed it with kissing you last night, a long time has passed and we need to take things slowly. I’d love to…take you out on a date again.”

I lifted my head, not expecting to hear such a cautious and questioning sentence coming from him. He sounded so nervous to ask me out.

“I really want to get to know you again,” he continued.

I found that I couldn’t speak. His eyes were pleading with me to say yes, and he was showing the tiniest of smiles as though attempting to appear confident. I knew I couldn’t deny him, I still felt that swooping feeling deep inside me when he looked at me with those intense blue eyes. The truth of the matter was I was desperate to get to know him again as well. I wanted that feeling back, that everything was right in the world.

So, without saying a word, I leant forward and placed my lips to his.