Hermione's Little Brother
S.P.E.W.
“What’s Hermione like?” Bart asked, as the trio drove down the pebbled driveway of de Bois mansion.
“Gorgeous,” Harry replied shortly, checking out Luna’s disappearing figure in the rear view mirror, “she’s the best.”
“Snobby,” Ron butted in, turning around to face the kid, “too clever for her own good.”
“I heard sister Hermione is intelligent,” Bart related, waving an arm casually, “I heard she receives A’s in all her subjects.”
“O’s,” Ron corrected, snorting. Harry jerked his head around to face the redhead, a warning look in his eyes.
“O’s?” Bart asked, “What does that stand for? I’ve only heard of A’s to C’s.”
“O’s is just a nickname-”
“Well, our school is special,” Ron pressed, “we have a different, more academic scoring system.”
Harry threw his head back in exasperation.
“A special system?” Bart asked, clearly interested, “what is that?”
“O stands for Outstanding,” Ron said, proudly, “then E stands for Exceed Expectations.”
“That’s very academic,” the younger boy replied, his crooked smile appearing, eager to know more, “what grades to you receive, Ronald?”
“Oh, A’s I suppose,” Ron grinned, “and a couple of D’s if I’m not careful.”
“Wow! You get A’s, too! Just like me!”
“A stands for Acceptable,” Harry said flatly, “and D stands for Dreadful, which is-” he gave Ron a look “-a fail grade.”
“What’s a fail grade?” Bart asked, clearly oblivious. The older boys stared at him.
“It’s one of the grades you receive if you fail a subject,” Ron said, ears going red.
“You fail?” Bart asked, eyes wide open, staring Ron out.
“I do better than my brothers,” he spluttered, making unrecognisable hand gestures, “they get T’s.”
“T’s?”
“Troll,” Harry said bluntly, “worse grade there ever is.”
“We had to fight a couple during our years at school,” Ron gloated, clearly not realising his big mouth.
“Ronald,” Harry hissed, glaring at him out of the corner of his eyes as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“You have to fight… trolls?” Bart asked, eyes narrowing, “but trolls don’t exist. Only in folklore and fairy tales. I don’t believe in either, just so you know. You can’t fool me with those childish stories anymore.”
“I’m not trying to make a fool out of you, kid,” Ron snapped, sounding dead snippy, “I’m telling you. We fought trolls, and we’ve got eyes to prove it.”
“You don’t have brains to prove it,” Bart snapped back, leaning forward and jutting his bottom jaw out, making is 13-year-old face look comically tough, “you fail.”
“Now, don’t get on my bad side, kid,” Ron growled, “I’ve taken on a River Troll, and I’m not afraid to take on you.”
“You can take on me any day, Mister,” Bart grinned, “you’ll still lose.”
“Bartholomew is black belt 3rd dan in Taekuando,” Harry said, calmly driving on as Ron gave the younger boy a look.
“That’s right, Ronald,” Bart smirked, leaning back against the seat, “black belt 3rd dan.”
The silver Convertible ploughed on through the country for about another hour in complete silence. The sun was starting to set, making the summer’s day even hotter as orange rays began to shoot across the land.
“Hermione’s against slavery, you know,” Ron said, breaking the silence, “quite a fascinating thing, if you ask me.”
“Slavery doesn’t exist nowadays,” Bart said, uninterested, “the last abolishment was 1888 in Brazil. There’re hardly any slaves left today.”
“You’ll be surprised,” Ron jeered, “some places in the world, there’re loads of slaves. She’s got a whole society thing going on.”
“Fairytales?” Bart smiled, making the redhead growl.
“It’s called SPEW,” Ron pressed, “its real.”
“That’s amusing,” Bart snorted, “what does it stand for?”
Ron was first to blurt, “Society Protection of Elfe-”
“Enthusiastic Women… Workmen… Writers… Wimps… Walk-doggers…” Harry butted in quickly, guessing words wildly.
“Society Protection of Enthusiastic Women,” Ron concluded, looking at Harry and giving a firm nod.
Bart chortled, “sounds pretty perverted to me,” he laughed, “Enthusiastic Women.”
“What’d you mean?” Ron asked, filled from crown to toe with blissful ignorance.
“Sounds like a society that’s against prostitution and such,” Bart grinned.
“You can look at it that way,” Harry said, driving ahead.
“That’s not exactly slavery,” Bart pointed out, leaning forward towards Harry.
“Hermione claims that they’ve been enslaved and brainwashed to think that they’re not enslaved,” Harry said, which was true to some extent, considering what Hermione declared about the workaholic house-elves.
“That’s hilarious,” Bart laughed.
“I suppose it was directed more towards those who couldn’t afford a living,” Harry said after a while, “and have no choice but to give up their bodies.”
“For some hot sex,” Bart grinned.
The two boys turned around to look at the younger boy, surprised at his choice of words. Bart gave both of them a little wave, putting on an innocent smile, causing them to turn around again, thinking they’ve heard wrong.
“By the way,” Bart added, “what’s this?”
They turned around again and saw Bart holding up a blackened, charred device which used to be a somewhat workable GPS. They gave each other a look and turned to the front again.
“Nothing,” they replied in perfect sync.
“Gorgeous,” Harry replied shortly, checking out Luna’s disappearing figure in the rear view mirror, “she’s the best.”
“Snobby,” Ron butted in, turning around to face the kid, “too clever for her own good.”
“I heard sister Hermione is intelligent,” Bart related, waving an arm casually, “I heard she receives A’s in all her subjects.”
“O’s,” Ron corrected, snorting. Harry jerked his head around to face the redhead, a warning look in his eyes.
“O’s?” Bart asked, “What does that stand for? I’ve only heard of A’s to C’s.”
“O’s is just a nickname-”
“Well, our school is special,” Ron pressed, “we have a different, more academic scoring system.”
Harry threw his head back in exasperation.
“A special system?” Bart asked, clearly interested, “what is that?”
“O stands for Outstanding,” Ron said, proudly, “then E stands for Exceed Expectations.”
“That’s very academic,” the younger boy replied, his crooked smile appearing, eager to know more, “what grades to you receive, Ronald?”
“Oh, A’s I suppose,” Ron grinned, “and a couple of D’s if I’m not careful.”
“Wow! You get A’s, too! Just like me!”
“A stands for Acceptable,” Harry said flatly, “and D stands for Dreadful, which is-” he gave Ron a look “-a fail grade.”
“What’s a fail grade?” Bart asked, clearly oblivious. The older boys stared at him.
“It’s one of the grades you receive if you fail a subject,” Ron said, ears going red.
“You fail?” Bart asked, eyes wide open, staring Ron out.
“I do better than my brothers,” he spluttered, making unrecognisable hand gestures, “they get T’s.”
“T’s?”
“Troll,” Harry said bluntly, “worse grade there ever is.”
“We had to fight a couple during our years at school,” Ron gloated, clearly not realising his big mouth.
“Ronald,” Harry hissed, glaring at him out of the corner of his eyes as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“You have to fight… trolls?” Bart asked, eyes narrowing, “but trolls don’t exist. Only in folklore and fairy tales. I don’t believe in either, just so you know. You can’t fool me with those childish stories anymore.”
“I’m not trying to make a fool out of you, kid,” Ron snapped, sounding dead snippy, “I’m telling you. We fought trolls, and we’ve got eyes to prove it.”
“You don’t have brains to prove it,” Bart snapped back, leaning forward and jutting his bottom jaw out, making is 13-year-old face look comically tough, “you fail.”
“Now, don’t get on my bad side, kid,” Ron growled, “I’ve taken on a River Troll, and I’m not afraid to take on you.”
“You can take on me any day, Mister,” Bart grinned, “you’ll still lose.”
“Bartholomew is black belt 3rd dan in Taekuando,” Harry said, calmly driving on as Ron gave the younger boy a look.
“That’s right, Ronald,” Bart smirked, leaning back against the seat, “black belt 3rd dan.”
The silver Convertible ploughed on through the country for about another hour in complete silence. The sun was starting to set, making the summer’s day even hotter as orange rays began to shoot across the land.
“Hermione’s against slavery, you know,” Ron said, breaking the silence, “quite a fascinating thing, if you ask me.”
“Slavery doesn’t exist nowadays,” Bart said, uninterested, “the last abolishment was 1888 in Brazil. There’re hardly any slaves left today.”
“You’ll be surprised,” Ron jeered, “some places in the world, there’re loads of slaves. She’s got a whole society thing going on.”
“Fairytales?” Bart smiled, making the redhead growl.
“It’s called SPEW,” Ron pressed, “its real.”
“That’s amusing,” Bart snorted, “what does it stand for?”
Ron was first to blurt, “Society Protection of Elfe-”
“Enthusiastic Women… Workmen… Writers… Wimps… Walk-doggers…” Harry butted in quickly, guessing words wildly.
“Society Protection of Enthusiastic Women,” Ron concluded, looking at Harry and giving a firm nod.
Bart chortled, “sounds pretty perverted to me,” he laughed, “Enthusiastic Women.”
“What’d you mean?” Ron asked, filled from crown to toe with blissful ignorance.
“Sounds like a society that’s against prostitution and such,” Bart grinned.
“You can look at it that way,” Harry said, driving ahead.
“That’s not exactly slavery,” Bart pointed out, leaning forward towards Harry.
“Hermione claims that they’ve been enslaved and brainwashed to think that they’re not enslaved,” Harry said, which was true to some extent, considering what Hermione declared about the workaholic house-elves.
“That’s hilarious,” Bart laughed.
“I suppose it was directed more towards those who couldn’t afford a living,” Harry said after a while, “and have no choice but to give up their bodies.”
“For some hot sex,” Bart grinned.
The two boys turned around to look at the younger boy, surprised at his choice of words. Bart gave both of them a little wave, putting on an innocent smile, causing them to turn around again, thinking they’ve heard wrong.
“By the way,” Bart added, “what’s this?”
They turned around again and saw Bart holding up a blackened, charred device which used to be a somewhat workable GPS. They gave each other a look and turned to the front again.
“Nothing,” they replied in perfect sync.
♠ ♠ ♠
Personally, I like how Bart loves Harry and thinks Ron is plain weird~