Sunsets and Car Crashes

Mom says I’ve lost my smile and indeed I have. I don’t know where it went but it certainly isn’t with me anymore. My face is only plastered with a frown and the look of horror in my eyes. I don’t know what’s happened to me. It’s something bad though, unbelievably bad is what I can tell you. I think it all started last year in the month of July, my least favorite month, tragedy struck through me and I was never going to be okay again.

Ever since then I haven’t been the same I don’t think I will ever be the same again. If you look at pictures, I hardly smile anymore or when I do it’s just for show so people won’t see the cuts that run through me. I’ve become someone that is not known to me, someone in a trans. Lately I’ve been told not to be depressed. I don’t try enough in anything I do which lands in a disaster.

It’s almost New Years and the doctors don’t even know why they’ve kept Scarlett for this long. I think I was the only supporter left for Scar. Not even her parents care anymore. Evelyn can’t bear looking at her best friend in that hospital bed, but she’d stop by. Kevin hardly comes anymore due to his traveling with his fiancée Danielle. Nick comes, every now and then but it looks like it’s just me now.

“I know you’re going to wake up Scar, I have this feeling that you are. A deep feeling, it’s going to any day now. It’s only a matter of time. It’s your birthday on Thursday, December 29th. Christmas sucked, yet again.” I sighed as I lay beside Scarlett.

By now the nurses didn’t even care if I spent the night there. They’ve given up and telling me to leave.

“So many people have been telling me to find another girlfriend, but I told them no. They just don’t understand that you’re the only girl that matters to be and that I love you. And it isn’t just some stupid puppy love Scar, this is the real deal.” I sighed again. “Oh, I wish you were awake to hear this but I really want you to marry me. ‘But Joe, we’re only nineteen!’ You would probably say. ‘I know Scar but it doesn’t have to be right now, in a few years.’”

I stayed silent for a few moments with loose tears escaping. I laced my fingers with Scarlett’s and closed my eyes.

“I remember when I first met you Scar, you were so nerdy.” I laughed. “You wore those oversized glasses and you’re hair was always in french braids. You had those metal braces and everyone at school would make fun of you. But then grade ten came around and something must have happened over the summer and you completely changed your look. No more glasses. Braces or french braids. You turned into like a model or a movie star! Every guy wanted to go out with you. But I was the lucky man. I always thought you were beautiful no matter what you looked like.”

I continued on telling the memories to her, pretending that she was laughing along with me.

“I think I’ll remember our first kiss forever. We were by the pier and no one else was there. We were watching that sunset and were amazed by its colors: pink, red, yellow, orange. You said it looked pretty but I contradicted and said that it looked flamboyant, just like you. You laughed and told me that I probably had no idea what it meant, which I didn’t but I thought it sounded pretty cool.” I paused. “We turned to each other and that’s when fireworks flew.”

“You’re great storyteller, Joe.” Evelyn said from the doorway. “How is she?”

“You know, in a coma.” I got off the bed.

“Joe, you’ve gotta accept the fact—“

“I don’t have to accept nothing, Evelyn.” I shot at her before she could finish her sentence. “Just because you stopped believing in her doesn’t mean I have to.”

“I haven’t stopped believing in her. I’ve just...” She trailed off. I rolled my eyes at her. “Let’s not start a fight Joe; we’ve been fighting almost our whole life.”

Evelyn slowly walked over to the bed and sighed. I studied her for a moment; I haven’t seen her in over a month. Evelyn’s hair had gotten longer and all the acne on her forehead had cleared up. She wore tall leather boots and held an oversized handbag on her right arm. Her shirt was skin tight along with her jeans. This is who my brother’s been on and off dating.

“How’s Nick?” She turned and asked me.

I shrugged, “He’s fine. When did you two break up?”

“Three weeks ago. We’re working it out though.”

“What happened this time?” I asked leaning against the wall.

“I’ve been ditching school, hanging with some college kids, blowing off Nick.” I shook my head. “This whole thing has messed me up.”

“Obviously, you slept with Mark Dawson!” I hissed at her.

“Can we not talk about this?”

“You’re the one that brought it up. Mark Dawson, Evelyn, really? He’s been to jail more times than the LOST re-runs have been on. Does Nick know?” She shook her head. “No offence but you’re kind of dumb and it know it seems that I’m being hard on you but you’re like family and I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know, but I’m seventeen Joe. I think I can take care of myself now. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“By the way you’re dressing, you sure ain’t.” I muttered. Evelyn narrowed her eyes at me but kept her words to herself.

“I should get going, I have things to do.” Evelyn walked up to me and gave a surprising hug. “If you need anything you know where to reach me.”

I nodded as she walked out the door. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat on the edge of the bed. I glanced over at Scarlett.

“We tried, Scar. Almost successful, almost.” I said in a low tone. “I’m going to get some food. I’ll be back in an hour, love you.” I kissed the top of her hair and left.

I walked out of the hospital into the fresh Santa Monica air. I got into my car and drove off to where ever was good to eat. I drove to In-N-Out Burger and, well, got a burger. I sat in there for a while, munching away slowly.

I drove around after just looking at my surroundings that I haven’t seen in a while. I past the universities I could be attending but not. I took a detour to the beach and walked along the shoreline.

I made it back to the hospital and wandered up the stairs.

“Mr. Jonas,” The nurse said. I looked up. “Could you please follow me.”

It wasn’t a question; it was more of a demand. So I trailed behind her but my eyes went back to looking down.

“Mr. Jonas,” Was said again.

I looked up and saw those sparkling blue eyes wide and locked to mine.