Travel The Road

you can't see me, no, like I see you. I can't have you, no, like you have me

Joe was panting by the time he reached the barn where Steph was already searching through the tack room for an extra pair of gloves. She finally spotted them in the bottom of a terra cotta pot and pulled them out, a look of triumph on her face. "Here," she said, tossing them blindly in Joe's general direction. He just barely caught them.

Steph didn't bother to wait for him. She was already heaving bales of hay out of a trailer backed up half-way inside the barn doors and onto the slabbed concrete by the time he had reached her. She paused, standing up and wiping some of her blond hair from her eyes with the back of her arm. "Your job," she said before bending down to grab yet another bale of hay, "is to stack those with the rest up in the loft. Then when you're done with that," she paused, grunting a bit as she chucked a rather heavy-looking bale to the ground, "you'll come down here and help me cut the rope on a few these and spread them in the stalls. Questions?"

Joe shook his head and she gave him a look. "Well go on then," she urged before turning to continue unloading the trailer. Joe did as he was told and bent over one of the bales. He tightened his fingers around the red rope and tugged as hard as he could to lift it off the ground. It was heavier than he imagined. Slowly, he began to make his way toward the steps in the corner that led to the loft. Careful of his feet, he began to climb them and made it a good distance before he heard Steph burst out in laughter. He dropped the bale in surprise and began to curse loudly, which only increased Steph's volume.

"What?" he asked irritably.

Steph shook her head, still laughing, and began making her way toward him. "Switch me," she ordered.

Joe stood his ground and Steph rolled her eyes.

"I've been doing this since I was seven, just let me do it."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

"You want to what? Be stubborn?"

Joe narrowed his eyes, knowing there was no way to answer that question. Steph shook her head irritably. "Just set it down and let me do it," she said, all traces of playfulness gone. Joe couldn't help but smile. She had gone from teasing to serious in three seconds. He wondered how much she'd allow him to test her.

With a mischevious smile, he let the stack of hay fall to the ground where the rope binding it together broke and allowed tufts of hay to fly in her face, lodging itself comfortably in her hair. Her expression was priceless.

"You..." she growled lowly. Joe simply burst into a fit of laughter, which seemed to upset her more. She made a face and then bent down to grab a handful of hay, which she shot straight at his face. He spat out a few pieces before bounding down the steps and racing her to the trailer, where he began grabbing at hay as fast as possible. Unfortunately, Steph had done the same, with the help of wire cutters to undo the bindles. While he was hopelessly grabbing at the ends of bales, she was laughing, carelessly throwing hay anywhere possible.

There came a moment when he couldn't even see anything but the golden strands of hay until finally, he stood up and jumped on top of her. She screamed, but continued to laugh as she struggled to get away from his grip, holding the cutters as high as she could above her head. His face was somewhere near her stomach as he pushed against the stone floor, trying to get to his knees to reach the cutters. Steph, however, was not having this, and gave him a good kick to the chest, which sent him rolling onto his side as she regained her footing and ran for it.

Joe was just starting to get up again when he realized Steph had stopped. At first Joe was perplexed, but then he caught sight of Juliet standing in the middle of Steph's path, arms crossed, biting her lip. Joe coughed awkwardly.

"What are you doing?" she asked nonchalantly, reaching out and picking a piece of hay from Steph's hair. Steph seemed at a loss for words. So did Joe, for that matter.

Juliet's eyes moved past Steph to land on Joe. For just the faintest moment, he could have sworn he saw hurt there, but it was quickly masked by some expression he'd never seen before on her face. He realized she was pretending not to care. Pretending. He was overcome abruptly by guilt.

"Aunt Marie wanted to make sure you remembered to leave out a few bales to spread out in the stalls," she said, returning her eyes to Steph. Steph wet her lips and nodded. "Do you think I could talk to you for-" she started, but stopped when Juliet raised an eyebrow to her and turned away. Joe heard Steph heave a sigh as Juliet turned the corner and headed back to the house.

"We shouldn't have done that," Steph stated, turning back to him.

Joe was perplexed. "Done what?"

"Whatever the hell all this is," she replied, gesturing wildly at the mess all over the floor.

"We didn't mean anything by it," he snapped, pulling himself up to his feet and brushing off his jeans.

"Yeah, well, tell her that. What do you think it looked like? Frolicking about in the hay loft with her boyfriend..."

"I'm not her boyfriend," Joe declared. Steph laughed.

"Oh, yeah. Of course not. Juliet doesn't date anymore, does she?" Steph's voice suddenly took on a sarcastic tone and Joe cocked his head to one side. Steph paused at his expression before dropping her eyes guiltily. "She hasn't told you. Of course not. I'm sorry."

"Hasn't told me what?" he demanded, moving closer to her as she did her best to step away from him.

"It's not my place," she mumbled, finally looking up to meet his eyes. Joe held his ground for a few more seconds before finally looking away. From the corner of his eye, he could see Steph heading toward the tack room. She returned moments later with a broom and a rake. She handed him the rake before beginning to brush some of the hay into stalls for the horses. Joe followed her lead and they worked in silence for the next fifteen minutes until Steph let Joe know they had done enough cleaning and it was time to finish unloading the trailer.

The sun eventually began to set, bringing Juliet with it. She arrived just as the sky began to turn pink to call them both in for dinner. Steph and Joe were careful to keep a distance, and though Joe was pleased to see this side of Juliet, he also thought it ridiculous to be so careful around Steph. Whatever was keeping Juliet from dating must have been worse than he originally thought.

"Shoes," Marie warned without turning around and Joe quickly unlaced his dusty boots, leaving them on the rug near the door. Standing up, he caught Juliet's eye, but she quickly looked away, moving toward the counter to help Marie set bowls on the already set table.

"Smells good, mom," Steph commented, taking off her dusty plaid shirt and throwing it on a chair before adjusting her tank top. Joe pulled out a chair beside him as Juliet walked by. She instead pretended not to notice and took a seat beside Steph across the table. Joe sighed in frustration. Juliet looked at him from the corner of her eye.

"Juliet tells me you're a city boy," Marie said with her back to him as she picked something up to place on the table. Joe frowned but nonetheless replied with a, "Yes m'am."

Marie smiled despite herself.

"Let's see what we can do to change that," declared Marie, setting down a basket and unveiling the contents.

It was a basket of home made fried chicken surrounded by handfuls of fried pickles, or what he assumed were fried pickles. He'd never actually had any. In other bowls were vegetables of various types. "And for desert-" she began. "Watermelon," Steph finished with a smile.

"Dig in," Marie ordered. That was more than enough for Joe, whose mouth had been watering since he first stepped foot inside the house. He was the first to grab a thigh and a few fried pickles before reaching for the bowl of green beans. It was bizarre to him to eat fried chicken that didn't come in a bucket with the Colonel on the sides.

Joe was hesitant to begin to eat, unsure of whether they said grace, but watched as Steph took a huge bite out of a chicken leg. He took this as his que and followed pursuit, unable to hide his smile when he took his first bite. It was heavenly.

It seemed Marie had decided to give Joe a second chance and opened up to him more over dinner. He appreciated this after enduring an entire day of her stony silence and cold looks. He wondered what Juliet had said to her while he was working in the barn with Steph, but didn't dare ask with Juliet in the mood she was in.

When their stomachs were finally full to the brim with watermelon, Joe offered to help clean up, which Marie accepted with a smile. "Juliet, I suppose you could share a bed with Steph tonight and let Joe sleep in the guest room?"

Juliet nodded absentmindedly as she dried the dishes Steph was setting before her. Marie nodded and turned to Joe. "You can head upstairs now if you want and wash off all that grime," she told him. Joe thanked her before heading upstairs, determined to be quick and catch Juliet before she went to bed.

It was to no avail, however, for when he stepped out of the bathroom, Steph and Juliet were no where to be found. He slowly made his way downstairs and discovered why. He and Steph had worked later than he originally thought. It was already 11 o'clock.

He turned on his heel, beginning to ascend the steps once more, but stopped in his tracks at the sound of a sob. Curious, he turned back, quietly walking to the doorway where he stopped, looking in on the scene in the living room.

Marie stood beside the fireplace with a glass of red wine in one hand, a tissue in the other, mumbling to an urn placed in the center of the mantlepiece. Biting his lip in sympathy, he began to back out of the room, sure this was no state Marie wanted to be seen in. As he turned to begin up the steps again he heard her sigh. "I just wish I could take away her pain."

Joe paused. Steph didn't seem to be in any pain. Then it hit him that maybe she wasn't talking about Steph. It seemed Aunt Marie cared more about Juliet than Juliet's own father did.

As quietly as possible, Joe bounded up the steps to the guest room. He shut the door silently and turned back to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it.

The sheets below him moved.

He jumped up, whirling around and watched as a figure emerged from beneath the sheets and reached toward the lamp to turn on the light. Juliet was squinting at him, her hair a matted mess. Joe let out a breath he had been holding in.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked. Juliet shrugged and ran a hand through her wild hair.

"Steph kicks in her sleep," she said before collapsing again, pulling a pillow over her face. "You're my only option."

Joe shook his head, moving further up the bed to sit beside her. Juliet peeked at him from under her pillow before blindly reaching over and turning out the light. Joe let his eyes adjust to the darkness before he said anything.

"What are we doing?" he asked.

The moonlight filtering through the window was hitting Juliet so it illuminated the pillow hiding her face. When she moved the pillow, he could see her perfectly. "What?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing together.

"What is going on with you right now? I can't figure you out," he replied. Juliet cocked her head to one side and Joe inhaled deeply through his nose, annoyed.

"What are you even talking about?"

"I'm talking about you and that jealous crap you pulled today with Steph. And I'm talking about you pretending like you're mad at me one moment and then showing up in my bed the next. I'm talking about this mysterious past you have that Steph won't even tell me about because it's 'not her place'. And I'm talking about how you always find a way to leave me breathless, and then act like there's nothing going on, because there is. You don't act like this to a person you met four days ago. You act like this to someone you trust, and you can't have it both ways, Juliet. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of whatever game is going on. So tell me, what are we doing?"

Juliet raised a hand to her head to wipe away a few stray strands of hair that had fallen there. Her face was unreadable and Joe was unsure of how she would react. He watched her as her hand fell to the comforter beside her and she sat up a bit straighter, crossing her legs below her. She took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose before licking her lips.

"His name was Matthew," she finally said. Joe was taken aback, unsure of what to say in response. She was staring blankly at her hands, fumbling with them as she spoke. "He dropped out of high school his senior year. He uh..." she paused, finally meeting his eyes, "He said he wanted to join the army. It was a ... uhm... 'an oppourtunity to find out who I am and what we should do with our life'," she said in a humorless mock deep tone. She half-smiled, looking back at Joe. "I think those were the words he used to get me to give in. Always trying to make it sound like it was for our greater good..." she trailed off again.

Joe bit his lip, unsure of what to do. He moved closer, placing a hand on her knee. "You don't have to talk about it. I was just angry."

Juliet didn't look at him but continued staring at her hands, chewing on the side of her lip. "He wrote me everyday from training. He tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal, that it was just a bunch of guys getting together and trying to act tough," she sniffed and Joe moved closer yet. "Maybe it was," she chuckled humorlessly, chilling Joe to the bone. It was a sound he never wanted to hear from her again. "I don't know. I just know that I cried the night I recieved his letter that they were sending him to Iraq. He was there for six months and he always tried to make it sound like things were okay or that he'd be coming home soon, but his handwriting was shaking and I could see the lies written in them and I just..."

Juliet broke off with a sob and Joe put his arm around her just as she leaned into him, her tears soaking through his shirt. "I used to go to his house to keep his mom company," she mumbled, her voice cracking as she spoke. "We were baking an apple pie for his dad when the police came. They made small talk about how they got lost on their way to her house because it was so far back in the country, but I could see it in their eyes and she collapsed on the spot before they could even say anything and I..."

She stopped again, sobbing into his shirt as he ran his hand up and down her arm. He kissed her hair, taking in her scent. He thought she wouldn't notice, but she somehow did, and turned to face him. She stopped there for a moment and he looked at her, taking in the shadows on her face and the color in her eyes. He examined the fullness of her lips and the way the moonlight shone on her hair. He wanted to kiss her and for a moment he thought she did, too. She reached out a hand to stroke his face and he was surprised by the pleasant fire he felt beneath his skin where she touched him. He reached out for her, but she caught his hand mid-air and dropped it back down to the sheets.

"I don't know what to do with you," she sighed, dropping her eyes from him. Joe felt breathless.

"You keep doing these things that make me want to know you better than anyone else I've ever met, but I just... I can't go there. Because I look at you," she brought her eyes back up to him and Joe watched as the tears pooled there. "I look at you and I think about him. And I feel guilty and I don't want to feel guilty about this. I don't want to feel guilty about caring about you. And I'm sorry that you have to put up with this and put up with me and all my imperfections, but that's just how it is. And no matter how much I want to be with you, I can't. And I can't apologize enough for it."

Joe nodded and Juliet let out a huff of air she had been holding in. She wiped away a tear with the back of her hand and rubbed one of her eyes. Slowly she pulled back the covers and slid beneath them, turning so that she was facing away from him. He heard her sniff one final time before she whispered, "Goodnight, Joe."

Joe bit his lip, wanting more than anything to be close to her and stop her pain, but knowing better than that. So with a sigh, he turned on his side and whispered in return.

"Goodnight, Juliet."