Dark Eyed Dreamers

I couldn’t focus on anything when the only sounds that filled my ears were Mikayla and Rian’s laughing. The new happy couple was making it literally impossible for me to fill out my final financial aid applications. I wanted to duct tape their mouths shut and lock them in separate rooms so I could concentrate.

“Ri! Stop!” Mikayla squealed. I noticeably cringed, but of course they didn’t notice.

I pulled at my hair, my level of frustration hitting an all time high. I couldn’t help but feel like a hypocrite for being annoyed by Mikayla and Rian. After all, that’s exactly how Zack and I must have made everyone feel.

I was ready to punch both Mikayla and Rian in their faces when Zack called and asked me to meet him at our usual place, Akari Sushi. I was thrilled to be out of the house, away from them, and with Zack. That was until the topic of tour came up.

“I’m so fucking stoked! I can’t wait. It’s going to be the best, nothing can making it bad. Nothing.” Zack rambled on, inspecting his sushi while he talked. I tried not to take that personally, I struggled to keep the smile on my face. He just looked so happy.

It felt like I was the only one who was dreading this tour. It felt like Zack could care less that after being together for so long that he didn’t give a shit about our separating or his leaving. It felt like he didn’t give a shit about us anymore, like the band was his girlfriend for the past two and half years.

Maybe it was selfish to be thinking of only how bad this was hurting me. I should have been just as excited as Zack was. I wanted to be just as excited as Zack was but I couldn’t. How could I be?

How could being thousands of miles away from the person you love be exciting? How could not knowing if the person you love is safe be exiting? How could not knowing where the person you love is be exciting? How could not knowing who the person you love is with be fun? It couldn’t?

“What’s wrong?” Zack cut himself off mid-ramble.

“Nothing.” I force smile and pop an avocado roll into my mouth.

“I know your smile, Brae. Whatever the fuck you just did was a sad attempt at it.” Zack looked at me like he always did when I lied, like he knew that he would get the truth out of me. He always did end up with the truth, and that’s why I stuffed another avocado roll into my mouth. I didn’t want to talk about this yet. I didn’t want to talk about it there.

“Enough with the sushi. Talk to me.” Zack demanded, still smiling playfully at me while he grabbed my plate and held it out of my reach. “What’s bothering you?”

I shrug, frowning down at the table. “I don’t know…I’m just not too happy about you going on tour.” I looked up, ashamed at what I admitted.

“Don’t be like that, Braelyn. I’ll call you every chance I get.” Zack was still smiling and being sweet, it angered me. How could he be so perfect when we were falling apart like that?

“Will you, Zack? I’m not so sure about that?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Zack snapped, smile and sweetness completely vanished.

“You made it clear that you won’t miss me at all!”

“When the fuck did I ever say that? I never said anything like that at all!”

“Oh! I dunno! Maybe when you said nothing about tour would be bad!”

“I can’t believe you! You’re being so selfish right now!”

“Me? I’m being selfish? I’m not the one who’s breaking up with their girlfriend of two years so I could fuck a bunch of band sluts while I’m on tour!” Our argument was so loud that all eyes were on us, but we kept on going.

“Two and a half years! And that’s not true at all! We agreed on this! I’m just thinking of you!” Zack’s hands were balled into fists on the table, his jaw tightened, his nostrils flared a little, and his face was starting to turn a light shade of red. It was difficult to make Zack angry, but I was obviously succeeding. He was making me just as angry.

“Yeah, two and a half years that I obviously wasted on someone who only cares about their fucking band!” I screamed jumping out of my seat with so much force that it fell to the ground.

I ignored all the eyes following me out the door of Akari Sushi along with Zack Merrick shouting things after me. I stormed to my car and sat in it for ten minutes, giving Zack enough time to cool off and come after. Finally, I accepted that it wasn’t going to come after me and the flood of tears started.

Everything I said about Zack not caring was heat of the moment, but it had to be true because he never came after me. I was heartbroken. There is one thing known to man that can heal a broken heart. Grandma’s hugs.

Within the time it took to drive home from the battlefield, I had called my Grandma, my dad, and Mikayla. I stayed at my house only long enough to pack a bag full of clothes. The whole four hour drive, I waited for Zack to call me and make things right.

He never did.