Dark Eyed Dreamers

I am supposed to go to college. I am supposed to get a job as a graphic artist. I am supposed to fall in love. I’m supposed to get married. Then and only then was I supposed to have a baby. No, of course I couldn’t even manage to do that. I had to do this backwards, just like I do everything backwards.

I let my hands drop onto my flat stomach. There was a baby growing under the layers of skin and muscles. I could not wrap my head around the idea of being pregnant. I wasn’t ready to give up my dreams. It was selfish to think of myself before the baby but I could not see anything good resulting from the drunken mistake growing inside of my uterus.

“Hey.” Rian greeted me quietly with a small smile hanging off his lips as he leaned in my bedroom doorway.

“Hey.” I said back just as quietly, and motioning for him to enter.

“So,” Rian sat down the edge of my bed.

“So,” I echoed from beside him. I dropped my head onto his broad shoulder, closing my eyes I tried to untangle the knot of thoughts filling my head.

How am I going to tell my parents? When am I going to tell my parents? How will they react? What will my grandparents think? What if they kick me out? Where will I go? When will I tell the guys? Will they want to kick the father’s ass? Who is the father?

I groaned in frustration. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to even think about it, but how could I not? There was a human growing inside of me!

“What’s wrong?” Rian asked. I wasn’t shocked, Rian always knew when there was something wrong. I guess you can call it best friend’s intuition because Rian was the best guy friend I had.

“Nothing is wrong.” I said as I stood up and crossed the room and dropped into my computer chair.

“Mikalya.” Rian said in that all knowing voice. I honestly don’t know why I tried to lie, especially to Rian. I was an awful liar in the first place.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to think of how to word this without telling Rian I was with child. “Say you got into a car accident, how long would you wait to tell your parents?”

I kept my eyes closed, just trying to keep the tears from falling. “Are you okay? What happened? How bad is your car? Who hit you?”

I shook my head from side to side. “That’s not what I asked you.”

Rian took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’d tell them as soon as possible. Waiting would just be like building up tension. The longer you wait, the worse it’ll be. It’s not like you could hide it forever. I mean, just do what you have to do.” Rian said.

I nodded my head my head, keeping my eyes shut tight and my head down. “You’re right.” I agreed shakily. Just like a crushed front end, I wouldn’t be able to hide a baby belly forever.

“So how bad is it?”

“That car’s life will never be the same.” I said finally opening my eyes and letting the tears spill out. Only two tears could have dropped onto the carpet before Rian had engulfed into a tight hug, his shirt soaking up all of my tears.

“It’s only a car, you’ll be okay.” he said quietly moving his hand against my back. It wasn’t only a car. It was only my life.

- - -

“Can I stay here tonight?” I asked through sniffles and tears when Braelyn opened her front door.

“Of course you can, come on. Come inside. Tell me what happened.” Brealyn practically pulled me inside, her green eyes opened wide.

“They kicked me out!” I cried. “They fucking kicked me out! What am I going to do, Brae? Where am I going to live?” Braelyn pulled me into a hug so tight that it almost made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

“I’ll be right back, okay. I have to call Zack and tell him not to come over. You need someone and”

“No, Brae. I’m just gonna go sleep in the guest room, okay? I just need to sleep.” Braelyn pouted and hugged me again.

“I love you okay, remember that!” she called after me. The corner of my lips turned upwards only slightly before I dropped onto the bed and closed my eyes. I needed to sleep and forget about the events that took place that day.