Dark Eyed Dreamers

It took every ounce of energy I had to drag myself out of bed. I took a much needed shower, lazily did my hair, and half heartedly put minimal make up on. I didn’t care that my hair was frizzy. I could care less what I looked like at that point. I had no one to look good for.

I drove myself and Reagan to meet the guys, I could not believe that this was the last car ride I’d have with my sister for months. I also could not wrap my head around the idea of Reagan, my twin sister, living with a group of rowdy boys in a very small area for four months! My sister would be hundreds of miles out of my reach for four months!

Rian and Mikayla were already clinging to each other when Rea and I pulled up. I moved slower than a snail while I got out of my car. At the beginning of the summer I imagined this to be a bitter sweet moment. I was wrong, I was so wrong. There was nothing sweet about this moment; it was an entirely sour moment. I practically ran at Jack as soon as I saw him.

“Please don’t leave!” I begged Jack with my face buried in his shirt. I knew it was selfish and idiotic question to ask but I figured it was worth a shot.

“I have to.” He replied, hugging me a little tighter.

“No you don’t. Reagan can replace you,” Jack just laughed which I took as him turning down my offer.

“You’ll do great in New York. You’ll forget all about us once you start your classes and attending parties.

“I don’t party, Jack.”

“Well…you’ll start.” Jack joked, pinching my back and completely ruining our heartfelt moment.

“Stop hogging Jack!” Mikayla interrupted and just about ripped me away from him.

I stood silently by myself for a few seconds before Alex started toward me. “Come here, you!” Alex engulfed me in one of the most painful hugs I have experienced still to this day. If the breaking of my ribs wasn’t enough, Alex continued to ruffle my hair beyond repair.

“I’m not sure I’m going to miss you after that.” I told him plainly, not even attempting to straighten out my hair.

“You will.” Alex answered with a smirk.

“We’ll see, just don’t get my sister pregnant. We don’t need another one of those.” I pointed discreetly in Mikayla’s direction.

“Um, hi. Yeah, I’m right here.” Reagan said having obviously heard what I said to Alex. Alex and I merely glanced at my sister and then turned back to each other.

“Don’t fuck a psyche major.”

“Alex…” I rolled my eyes at how typically Alex his statement was.

“I’m just saying! It’s not something I would suggest!”

A small laugh passed through my lips for the time since Zack decided someone else would be more capable to make me happier than he did.

“I’m going to miss you!” I launched myself at Alex, hugging the life out of him.

“I’ll miss you too.” Alex sounded serious briefly and pushed me toward Rian with a grin.

I blinked at Rian, he blinked back. “Brae.”

“Ri.”

“I don’t know how Reagan is possibly going to keep all of us in line without you there to help her out.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive college without your advice.” I pouted and hugged Rian as tight as I could.

“It’s not like I’m dying. You can still call me whenever you’re utterly confused or need someone to talk to.” He sent me a sympathetic smile and I knew he meant I could call him whenever I wanted to talk about how much of a problem I was having being without Zack.

“Don’t turn your phone off…ever.” I instructed him, finally releasing him from my grasp.

I stood in front of my sister, my fraternal twin sister. “So…” she said trailing off.

I don’t think either of us we prepared to be separated. Since the day we were born we haven’t spent more than a week apart. I couldn’t handle it, so I did the only logical thing there was to do. I hugged my sister and cried like it was going out of style.

It was then that it hit me, I wouldn’t wake up to Reagan dancing in the kitchen as she cooked breakfast. I wouldn’t have anyone to tell inside jokes to. I wouldn’t have anyone to stay up late with and recite every line of ‘10 things I Hate about You’ with. I would be alone for the next four months…even if I had a roommate. No roommate could come close to the bond I shared with my sister.

I was moving to New York in two days and I had finally realized that I would be utterly alone. I wouldn’t have my sister, my friends, my family or my dog. I was leaving everything I loved behind to move to a city where I would just be another nobody.

Reagan started to cry as well, making my sister cry is exactly what I promised myself I wouldn’t do. We didn’t exchange any words because what could be possibly to each other at this point. Good-bye? I love you? I’ll miss you? That was all understood. We hugged each other as tight as possible and then took a step back and smiled sadly at each other while we wiped our tears away.

That was it, I had said good bye to everyone who cared about me.

“We have to head out.” I heard Rian say as I walked to my car with Mikayla trailing beside me.

“How am I ever going to deal with Rian not being here? I’m going to die! I’ll miss him so much!” Mikayla blabbed all the way to the car, I barely even heard her. I just wanted to go home and sleep until I had move to New York City in two days.

I just sat down, ready to close the door when Zack said “Wait.” and held my door open.

“What?” I snapped at him, taking in every detail of his face for the last time.

“I-I a-goodbye.” He muttered and stepped back away from my car. I shook my head and laughed bitterly. I slammed my door and I sped away from him.