Swim or Drown?

Lily’s point of view

I hurt. All over. And I was cold. I opened my eyes to something that I didn’t want to see. A sight ghastly and awful. By this I mean, multiple condom wrappers, empty shot glasses, and two naked people. One of them was me and one of them was Alex. My eyes widen as I saw fingernail markings in his back. Is that what I did? Oh my god. My head started to pound, the windows were shut so it was basically black inside the room. There were 5 condoms used. Oh shit......... I was completely naked and couldn’t find my clothes.

“Fuck.” I let out a sigh. Alex was knocked out asleep with a loud snore. This wasn’t suppose to happen. Oh god. I felt the tears rush out faster then I could tell they were coming. I stumbled out of bed blacking out for a minute. I looked at the drunken naked Alex. I found a bottle of painkillers in my bag, I dry swallowed 4 and got out some water. I walked to my bag and put on fresh clothes and underwear. I then realized I was still in my high heels. Great ! I gathered the wrappers and empty shot glasses and set them on the night table next to Alex. I got a pen and hotel paper out, and started to write.

No one or anything, could change how I feel about you, but 5 condoms wrappers can make me learn to stay away from you, we both messed up. And now I have a lot to think about, I don’t want it including you. Just don’t talk to me. I’m sorry I’m not there when you wake. Bye. For awhile.

I finished and left. I shut the door behind me and TRIED not to look back. The sensation of guilt kept filling my stomach, but I kept walking. My plan was to push away any people who could ever care about me.

Alex’s point of view

“Uhhhghhuhhh.” A hammer pounded against my skull and I was naked. I looked to the empty spot to the left of me. No Lily? Why was I naked. We didn’t..... I looked to the right and saw the evidence and leaning tower of shot glasses and 5 condom wrappers. Holy shit. What happened!! I grabbed the pills I saw on the bed and took a couple, looking back at the ceiling, fighting past my hang over. Then I started to remember. I closed my eyes and thought.

---We were way past drunk and were just randomly making out every few seconds until I picked her up and slammed her on the bed. At this point I was in my underwear and so was she. Most of the alcohol was consumed and I pulled out the condoms. I don’t know what I was thinking. Only about how much I wanted her. And so it happened. Five times to be exact. I don’t know how I did it. But it happened.---

Oh god.... I looked underneath the wrappers to see her note. I read it quickly. What have I done!?! I rolled out of bed to see Lily’s lacey “personal belongings” were by the foot of my bedside. I put them in my bag and started to search for MY underwear. I finally got dressed and quickly rushed out of the room. I paid at the front desk and took the first bus to the airport.

--As I waited for my flight, I called Jack--

“Jack , I did something so stupid and wrong.”

“What did you do, ding bat.”

“Me and Lily”- I lowered my voice “had sex, multiple times.”

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Jack screamed into the phone.

“Yeah, well she was upset so she ordered a bunch of alcohol and we both go drunk and one thing lead to another...” I trailed off and scratched the back of my neck.

“Holy shit, did you leave in the morning or something stupid?”

“No, dude, she left, and wrote a note that she wanted me to stay away, and she had stuff to think about or something.”

“Yeah we called her and she picked up and told us to just leave her alone.”

“Shit, this is all my fault.” I hung my head as I gained a few stares in the process.

“I will talk to her, text me when you get back to Maryland and I will pick you up from the airport.”

“Don’t go talk to her until I’m back home, alright, thanks man. Later.”

boarding flight to maryland 602

I walked up slowly with my backpack in hand and left, the place where I destroyed my last piece of hope.

---

“Hey.” Jack said, as I entered his car.

“Hey, dude.”

“So I called Lily and told her I’m coming over, she doesn’t know you are back here yet.”

“Don’t tell her alright?”

“Okay , so what exactly are you wanting me to tell her?”

“Dude, do you not understand what she is doing, basically her whole world just feel apart, her best friend fucked her 5 times, her grandma died, her Dads an asshole, her brother is dead, and her mom is a drug addict. So she is trying to push away everyone who loves her, so she won’t have to get hurt again.” I finished out of breath and frowned.

“Wow, dude thats some serious shit.”

“Yeah I thought about it all the way here.” We arrived at the Jack’s house. It was late afternoon.

“Alright dude, catch ya later.”

“Be gentle.” I yelled after Jack as he drove away.

--

Jack’s POV

I knocked nervously on her door. I heard a few stumbles and the door opened to few a sleep deprived wreck of a Lily. I engulfed her in a hug as she hung there lifeless.

“Lily!” I gasped taking a look at her again. Her eyes were red and puffing and had black and blue circles underneath of them, it had only been a couple of hours they were apart and she had already begun to self destruct.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Fine.” She sighed, her voice raspy and thick. Her hair was messing and some of her bangs were stuck to her forehead, probably from crying. She was wearing practically nothing. A small little tank top wrinkled and shorts with torn slippers on her feet. She was more pale then usual and her eyes lacked the sparkle, Alex liked so much.

“Lily, what have you done to yourself?”

“I’m fine, Jack what do you need? I’m leaving soon.”

“Leaving for where?”

“Well now that I’m under 18 and my guardian has di--past away, I’m being forced to live with my father until my 18th birthday, so I am packing.”

“Where does your dad live?”

“California.”

“Fuck, I really need to talk to you about what happened with Alex.” I caught her eyes to see tears brimming them and her fists bound tightly.

“He told you, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, of course he told me.”

“Great, Jack.....I’m fucking falling apart and I don’t even have Alex by my side anymore!” She shouted as I could see her internally explode.

“Come here.” She fell into my arms and shook.

“Listen, you do have Alex by your side, he loves you Lily, why wouldn’t he?”

“Jack, you don’t understand, we fucked ! 5 times ! It wasn’t even special.”

“Yes it was, think about it. You have loved him forever and don’t lie to me that you don’t remember the details of last night.”

“I do....”

“And I bet you think it was special, your are just saying it wasn’t because you think Alex only did it because he was horny and drunk.”

“Yeah, basically.” She shook her head and looked up at me.

“He, loved every single minute of it, and he has wanted that for so long.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m his best friend, and he tells me everything.”

“But, I don’t know if i was like good or anything...”

“He thinks you’re amazing at everything you do.”

“....Well what am i suppose to do?”

“I’ll just tell him what we have talked about.”

“Alright, because I won’t be able to, I live tonight.”

“And don’t think about pushing anyone anyway because we care about you so much.”

“Thank you Jack, now leave so I can finish packing, I promise I will call you when I’m in Cali.” She hugged me and kissed my cheek. I left her house feeling satisfied.

Lily’s POV

After Jack left I felt better, I finished packing and took a shower, trying to look decent. I cried a few times, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see Alex for 5 months considering it was just ending July. My birthday was in December, I would have to live threw hell.

The next thing I heard was a knock on my front door. Revealing, Zack.