Speak of the Devil

I wasn’t visualizing going to the grocery store with Monte after not leaving my house for two weeks. Fortunately, the pouring rain had died down, but clouds still draped over the sky.
“Here we are!” Monte spoke cheerily as he wound our arms together and hurried into the store.

“I haven’t been here in forever.” I alleged.
“Really? Why haven’t you been out?”
“I just was too lazy and I’ve been caught up with work and everything. You know?”
“Yeah, I can agree with that. I barely have done anything else than work.”
“Well what do you do?”
“I give guitar lessons to little kids. They’re so into it, and while they’re playing they think they’re little rock stars.”
“Aw, how cute!”

“Yeah, yeah, cute. Each of my students has set such high expectations for themselves and they just get so frustrated when they make a mistake. But they have to understand that everyone makes mistakes, you know?” He rationalized as we filed into the store in our damp clothes.
“Yeah, well…one day they’ll learn.”
“Yup…so what exactly do you need from here?”
“I really don’t know…Food?”
“I know that, but what kind of food?”
“Anything really. I’m seriously starving. I need chips.”
“Ok then, let’s get some chips.”

“Sure thing.” He agreed as he endeavored to cull out a cart from the row of carts that had all been trapped together. I grew impatient as a monstrous frown spread across my face and aggressively wrenched out the cart from all the others.
“There we go.” I pepped up and the foul frown disappeared instantly. I jostled the cart into the store and browsed around fleetly ferreted around for the bags of chips and snacks. “Here they are.” I stammered crazily to myself as I piled chips into the cart.
“Ok, you run fast…” Monte palpitated as he caught up with me. “You get what you wanted?”
“Yeah, for now…and since when was I running?”
“You just were…From the door to the shit-I mean, chip aisle.”
“Oh. Well I’m ok. Just needed some chips!”
“Alright, well since I’m the Papa Bear, I gotta get some food too.” I glommed my fingers around the collar of his shirt.

“Call yourself that one more time. I dare you.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Good darling. And no more ‘Mama Bear, Papa Bear’ crap. I really am beginning to hate it sweetheart.” I loosened my grasp around his shirt with an ear to ear smile and trotted away.
“Oh, I’m gonna love pregnancy.” Monte whispered to himself behind me. My mind twitched with anger and the urge to burst out wail and scream and yell out at him, but with all the energy I was killing, I had enough to keep myself from doing that. I continued to rush through aisle after aisle to wear off my energy and store all the foods I’d need for the next few weeks.

As we were headed toward the meat aisle, Monte brought up from the dead silence, “Hey, um, Carly I uh…just was wondering if you could maybe…you could get some ingredients for some Greek food for this week? You know, for dinner or something?”
“Sure, what would you want? Lamb? Beef? Chicken? What? You name it doll.”
“I guess I’ll try…Well I’ve never had lamb before. Well, what do you prefer?”
“Lamb, definitely.”
“Ok, then I’ll try that.”

“Good choice.” I puckered my lips onto his cheek and pecked a kiss on his lips. I pranced over to the lamb section and searched for the plumpest, juiciest, fullest package of lamb I could find. I stole a package that was stuffed to the plastic wrap with bleeding meat that leaked out the bottom and dripped on my hands as I gently placed it at the top of the cart. It made my mouth water. I scooted over to where Monte was standing apoplectically and ran through all the sorts of meats and poultries and fish.

“Honey, I found the perfect lamb meat to cook with!”
“That’s great, Carly. What’re you gonna make with the meat?”
“Gyros! Their so good. But…What should we have on the side with it?”
“I dunno…Chips?” Monte suggested as he plunged his hand into the bags and bags of chips and tore one out. “I think we have enough for the rest of the year.”
“Ha-ha, very funny.” I rasped as I lurched the bag of chips back into the cart and scooted the cart away.

As I was about to turn into the bread aisle, until my cart went-BANG! I got cluttered in the cart by some idiot’s cart.
“Hey Carly, what’s up?” Ashlyn angled from the other end of the other cart. She interrupted me before I can blow up.
“Oh, hey Ashlyn. Nothing much, just…food shopping.”
“Hey Dark Mistress.” Craig greeted from behind Ashlyn with a smirk.
“Hey Craig.”

“What’re you doing with all those chips?” Craig roasted as he probed through my chips.
“Give me those!” I seethed as I smacked his hand.
“Carly, what’s wrong with you?!” Ashlyn shrilled as she held Craig away from me. I sighed. I had to come out about this.
“Ok, I’m gonna come out of the closet with this one,”
“You’re a lesbian?” Craig shockingly asked.

“No Craig! I’m pregnant!” I jarred out. People stopped and stared at me and I could care less.
“Carly…You’re…pregnant?” Ashlyn sweated in disbelief
“Yes!” I tweeted as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
“But…how?”
I coughed out and didn’t know how to answer.
“I…had sex.”
“With?” Craig was now interested. Monte had just become caught up with me and had become absorbed with our conversation. “Oh…shit.”
“I…I had slept with Monte the night of your wedding. We were both completely hammered and we didn’t know what we were doing. I never knew I was being rude to you or whatever, and I never noticed any of the other things I could’ve said or done to any of you…I’m really sorry.”

“Monte, is this true?” Ashlyn contended to Monte with a gloomy frown on her face.
“Yes.” She sighed.
“I didn’t wanna creep you out or ruin your day or whatever with my news. But hey, I’m pregnant now so…yeah.” Ashlyn paused.
“Well I guess we’ll have to plan a baby shower.” Her gloomy face cleared up and turned into a sunny smile. “Congratulations Carly and Monte!” She congratulated us with hugs and smiles.

“I can’t wait to be a dad.” Monte inured.
“I can’t wait to be an uncle!” Craig solaced.
“Yeah, that ought a be fun.”
“We’ll just have a little Monte running around.”
“Yay! Mini Me!”
“I just have a hard feeling that the baby’s going to be a girl though, Craig.”
“Great, we can have a little Dark Princess running around with her bat and her whip and beat other children up.”
“Aw, shut up Craig, that’s cute!”
“Yeah, that’s cute for sure, Carly. Your toddler beating other children to a pulp.”
“I bet my kid can rule the world one day.” We all joined each other with a humungous roar of laughter.

“So…back to seriousness…are you guys gonna date or what?” Ashlyn stumbled around her question.
“Well, we haven’t really spoken about it…”
“Oh we’ve spoken about it alright.” Monte interfered.
“We agreed we’d live together and try and take care of the baby together.”
“Yeah, we’ll try and take care of the baby together.” Monte objected
“What? We agreed we’d take care of our child together and that we’ll do our best to raise her properly.”

“Ok, first of all, we’re not a hundred percent positive that the kid inside of you is a girl. And second of all, we agreed that I’d see you every day and help you get through this pregnancy.”
“Have fun with that, dude.” Craig nudged to him.
“Shut the hell up, man. Carly’s worth it.” Monte backed me up as he literally, backed me up with a hug around my waist. And my baby.

“You guys are so cute together.” Ashlyn asserted as she blushed. Craig held her hand in his and kissed the top of her head.
“You guys are so short and cute together too!” Monte acknowledged back. “Me and Carly are tall and you guys are short!”
“Shut up Monte!” they both snickered.
“We gotta get going, I’m cooking dinner tonight.” I explicated.
“Ok, well I’ll call you sometime this week about the shower, Car. There’s a lotta planning to do.”

“Gotcha Ash. I’ll see you soon!” I implied as we exchanged hugs.
“Bye!” we both parted our separate ways. Monte escorted me to the purchasing line as he followed me closely. I was surprised that he wasn’t behind me just watching my hips sway from side to side. But he didn’t. We invested our stock and Monte zoomed away with me in the passenger seat and $140 worth of chips in the backseat.
Time for dinner.