The Crimson Lotus

The pain of the music playing in the hospital room was obvious to him even as he approached the door from just down the hallway, stopping just outside to gaze upon her, seeing her bald head hung in a manner that was almost reverent, her eyes, missing their eyelashes, letting slip innumerable tears. He pulled his sunglasses from in front of his eyes, toying with them, and he only moved forward when her mother gave a sad smile in his direction.

He gave a slight tilt of his head in greeting, and she rose from the chair, vacating it for him, and left just as quietly as she had the day before. Quietly, he held his hand out for her, and she took it, barely looking over at him. His fingers gave hers a supportive squeeze, but still she did not smile, let alone turn her head to look at him.

Nakigahara played on as though there was no pain in the room, as though Maddie wasn't going to be given up on in a week, as though she was trying to keep it from Ruki so that the man she'd idolized for years wouldn't know how weak she felt, as though Ruki wasn't worried beyond reason for a dying girl he'd only just met the day before.

A tear slipped from his eye. "Why a song about goodbyes, Maddie-chan?" he asked her, his rough voice quiet. She shook her head, shaking her head and wiping her eyes with her arm. He watched her as she sat in silence before him, her eyes remaining downcast, her frail lips trembling.

Make the pain die. Make the pain die instead of me.

He moved from the chair to the bed, biting his lip as it shifted beneath his light weight, releasing her hand and slowly wrapping his arms around her, resting his head on hers as she leaned into him, her arms wrapping as tightly as they could around his torso, her hands shaking on his back, her fingers curling into and fisting around the material of his shirt. He kissed her head where her hair would have been, and she held tighter onto his thin frame. "Maddie-chan..." he whispered, and she shook her head, clinging to him and pulling herself tighter into the comforting circle of his arms.

"I'm sorry, Ruki," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I am, I shouldn't be breaking down, I should-"

"Maddie-chan. Shh." He kissed her head again, and he held her tighter, ignoring the tubes, ignoring the absence of hair that had once been long and beautiful, ignoring the thin arms that held onto him as though life depended on it. "Tell me what's wrong? Maybe I could help? It's worth a try, ne?"

She released a sound that seemed painful to him, and he held onto her, whispering to her in soft, affectionate Japanese, stroking her head, closing his eyes, imagining soft strands of hair beneath his fingers instead of bare, pale skin.

And for a while, Maddie didn't say anything. She simply absorbed his whispers of consolation, and eventually, she was calm enough to lift her head from his chest, her eyes searching his out, and when he looked at her face, he touched her cheek and let his lips spread into a small, sympathetic smile. She smiled back, though it wasn't as smooth and convinced as his was, and he let his eyes half-close, gently pressing a kiss to her forehead before returning to gazing down at her, waiting silently for her to say something.

Gomen ne.

Her arms dropped from around him, and she shifted on the bed, her cheeks flushing slightly, suddenly feeling awkward with someone like him so close to her. "Sorry," she murmured, and he chuckled softly, touching her chin.

"Tell me what's hurting you."

His eyes were curious, and they were passionate, and they were sad, too. His brow was creased slightly, and Maddie knew he was worried. "Everything, Ruki." He seemed saddened by this. "Everything hurts." His hand rested on hers, his fingers wrapping around hers, and she looked down at their hands. "I'm discharged in a week." She couldn't even make the words sound hopeful. "They've said that there's nothing left."

She couldn't look into his eyes.

"I'm going to die." Her voice quavered terribly on the word 'die', and Ruki's grip on her hand tightened. "I'm dying, and...they made you come here to watch it, be my last friend." Her gaze flickered up to his, and then flickered away just as quickly. Her voice fell to a whisper. "I won't see another spring."

"Maddie-chan..." His voice faltered. "Maddie-chan, I would be nowhere else but here. You need me, ne?" She nodded, and he sighed. "Then I am here. I will do anything you ask, anything to help you, anything to distract you...but you have to ask." Again his gentle hand touched her cheek, and she leaned her head into his touch, her eyes closing, releasing another couple of tears, a knot of sadness tying itself up in her throat.

"I don't want you to leave."

"Shimaeru mono naraba..."

She leaned her face into his hand even more, the need to close both of hers around it burning at her insides...a need she couldn't act upon...a need she was too torn to fulfill. "Anata wo motometa watashi ga iru," she whispered. To her, the Japanese felt strange as it left her lips. It didn't sound natural, it didn't flow from her lips as his words had.

He smiled ever so slightly, allowing his thumb to gently caress her skin as he kept his hand on her cheek. "Watashi wo mitsumeru anata ga iru," he returned, trying to make a game of the saddest lyrics of the album, trying to make a point, trying to prove to her that he couldn't say goodbye.

Her eyes opened, and her gaze connected with his, her teeth grazing over her bottom lip, her eyelids fluttering as his thumb softly brushed the tears away. "Watashi wo ubatta anata ga iru." Hope tinged her voice, and she tried to smile at him, trying to brighten her eyes for him, disheartened when he shook his head.

"I cannot, Maddie-chan. I cannot take you away." She nodded, understanding, and she let out a soft sigh as he leaned forward and kissed her tears, making them disappear. Ardently she hoped that no one would walk in, that she could have this moment with him, that for one moment she could pretend that he wasn't a Japanese rock star. For a moment, she wished with all of her heart that she could be the only one to know who he was. "Not right now. Right now, you have to stay."

She nodded, her breathing evening out, her ragged emotions piecing back together, her previous state of calm returning. "Okay, Ruki. Okay. But...you have to stay, too."

He smiled softly, his eyes shining so gently at her that he might have been gazing hopelessly at a lover. "I will stay as long as you wish. After all, I am here for you." This made her smile, and he held her in another embrace, but the mood had now shifted entirely- she was content now, and he was slowly coming to terms with what she'd told him. Too mature to be seventeen.

He kissed her head again, and he ignored the vibrating phone in his pocket.

Too beautiful to be gone so soon.