The Crimson Lotus

"I don't like being home, Ruki," she said, and she stared past the glass of the window, peering at the outside world, her eyes dim, her frail hand pressed against the sill to hold her up. He'd only just walked into the room, but he didn't need greeting. "I don't like being inside, I don't like being sick, and I don't like waiting to die."

Ruki sighed, and he removed his sunglasses, sunglasses that he only wore for show, and set them aside, walking over to her and standing beside her, his bright eyes watching her dim ones scan the world outside. "What if you're not waiting to die?" he asked, and she turned to him, still supporting herself via the window frame but not as much, her expression amused and her pale lips turned upward into a small smirk. "What if...what if you were sent home because you're meant to live...what if they want you to live as much as you can before it's over?"

Her eyes glinted with something distant for a moment as she stared at him, surprised by the subdued passion in his voice, taken aback by the light in his eyes. "How can I live if I've chosen to spend my last days with a rock star but can barely leave the house?" It was truly sad that she was rebutting him, and for a moment, as she watched his face fall, she felt horrible for it. "I can barely walk on my own...how am I meant to go outside and live as others do?"

He shook his head. "Iie. Not like the others. They have their own path. You have to tread your own." He sighed, glancing at the outside world for support. The cold night gave him none, and so he returned his attention to her. "No, I...I think I know what you need." Her expression became further bemused, but she allowed him to take her hand and help her back to her bed, sitting on the edge, gazing up at him as though he were a rediscovered lost wonder.

"Ruki, what...how can you be so enthusiastic?"

He smiled, shaking off her question, picking up one of her shirts and a pair of her jeans. "Here. Get dressed. I will get everything else ready." She took the clothes from him, and she caught his hand in hers, keeping him in front of her, and she looked up at him again and could tell he didn't mind. "I will make it worth it, Maddie-chan. I promise this to you."

She nodded. She could never say no to his voice. She could never deny his searching eyes the satisfaction it seemed he would attain from coaxing her outside. "Why, Ruki?"

He pulled his hand from hers, touching her cheek with it, only removing it when the moment felt too intimate, when it didn't feel right, when it didn't feel like something he should do. "Because, Maddie-chan. Neither I or your mother want another day to pass without the light returning to your eyes." He smiled, and then left the room as quickly as he'd come, returning with her senior blanket draped over one arm and a set of car keys in his other hand. "And your mother has already approved this. She thinks it will be good for you." He bent down, gently kissed her forehead, and then left the room again, allowing her privacy to change into the clothes in her hand.

And, mystified, she obeyed him. Beyond her knowledge, there was a reason that she should put the clothes on, that she should go out to him in the living room, that she should let him take her wherever he wanted. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, after just short of two weeks, there was a trust in Ruki's word that compelled her to slowly rise and just as slowly make her way to the living room, leaning on the staircase, smiling at Ruki as he rose, walkind over to her, holding out his arm.

Hesitantly, she walked to his side, and he let his arm rest around her waist, walking with her to the door, opening it for her, walking her out to the porch, shutting the door, walking her down the steps, and then helping her into her mother's car.

Why she was still dazed as he drove, she wasn't sure, but she still had the same trust in him, the same belief that with Ruki there, everything would be okay. With Ruki, anything that happened would be something he'd planned. He wouldn't let her down. Not if he'd come to her. Not if he'd given up so much of his time for her. Not if he'd gone to so much trouble to plan this out for her. Not if the smile on his face meant anything. Not if the touch of his hand resting on hers meant anything.

This was his plan, his world...their world.

Nothing could go wrong here.

"...Ruki, why are we in a field?"

He turned the car off, killing the headlights. "Do you trust me?" He smiled at her, and the light flashing in his eyes from the outside world convinced her to nod once, her expression, though tired, still dazed. "Do you have the blanket?" She nodded again, and he got out of the car, walking around to her side. She watched him as he opened her door for her, and with his help, she hoisted herself from the seat, standing and leaning against the side of the vehicle, using him as an aide to do so. He looked so normal, so human, instead of the godlike rock star she'd seen him portray in numerous videos. Ruki was, at that moment, another man with no makeup or hairspray, out in the night with someone else, trying to enjoy the short time they had.

She blinked a few tears away at the thought and smiled at him as he gently took her hand, walking her around the car, and helped her settle onto the trunk. She wrapped the blanket around herself before lying back on the rear windshield, and she looked over at him as he laid back as well, the light in his smile renewed.

She'd never imagined that this was something he would do.

"What are we doing out here, Ruki?"

He was almost grinning, his expression childlike. "Look up, Maddie-chan. Watch the sky." She looked up, and she absently searched for his hand, her support system. His fingers folded into her palm, around her frail hand, and she didn't have it in her to wriggle away when he pulled her closer, his arm resting around her, his other hand still holding on to hers. Remaining as close to him as she could, she watched the sky, saw how the very stars seemed to twinkle and turn, and watched as some sparkled as though they were burning up within the atmosphere.

She smiled. "A meteor shower?"

"Hai. A meteor shower." Uruha had told him about it. He'd told him how long it was to last. He'd told him when the most meteors were expected to fall. Uruha had said it all. But Ruki didn't need to. He held her closer, and they watched the sky, two pairs of eyes searching for the brightest meteor, staking out the one that would dart across the sky next.

For endless minutes there was silence except for the sounds of the outside and the sound of their breathing. They watched the lights sparkle in their own unique symphony, the sky spin in its attempt to rid itself of the flaming invaders within it; the stars attempt to burn brighter to outshine the falling rocks. Silent minutes of understanding they became, minutes of bonding, minutes that Maddie would never trade for anything. How amazing this was to her, looking up at the same sky as him, watching the same stars, and being right beside him for it all. How thrilling it was to know that she was the reason he'd come. How saddening was the reason she'd asked him to.

She felt content, lying against the rear window, beside him, and her eyes flashed to the bright object that burnt its way across the sky, a small smile pulling at her lips. Instantly, she closed her eyes, unaware that at that exact moment, he'd done the same thing.

I wish that he could know everything.

I wish that she could understand.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, and he turned his head to the side, smiling at her, her dim, peering gaze meeting his, and then he drew her closer, pulling her face to his without thinking, gently pressing his lips onto hers without allowing himself enough time to feel regret. Her hand held tighter onto his, and she sighed softly into his kiss, returning it ever so slightly, allowing him to control it, letting him gauge the moment.

He pulled back after a few seconds, once he began to remember who she was, and glanced away from her, back up at the sky, ashamed. "Gomen," he said quietly, though he made no move to neither remove his hand from hers nor slip his arm from around her. "Gomen." He sighed, his eyes scanning the atmosphere for something to distract him. His voice fell to a confusing whisper. "Gomen."

She shook her head, and he momentarily thought of how it would have looked if she'd had her hair. He looked over at her, trying to imagine how different her life would have been without the cancer, how much stronger she would be, how much more life there would be in her eyes, how much more beautiful her skin could be. "Don't be sorry," she said, and her eyes were so soft that it killed him. "Please, no. Don't feel sorry."

"Iie," he murmured. "I should not have assumed." His bright eyes seemed so injured to her, and she made her eyes search his, looking for a way to make him feel less of whatever it was that he was feeling. "This should never be. You and I, Maddie-chan...we can never be."

She nodded, lying back against the windshield once more, shifting on the trunk to be closer to him, her body seeking the warmth of his, and hesitantly, he released her hand to wrap his other arm around her, holding her to his side. "I understand, Ruki. I was never going to-"

"I know," he whispered, and it didn't sound like him. None of this sounded like him. Her heart almost shattered. "It was never something I was prepared to give." She laid her head on his chest, her arm snug on his torso, like it had been the night he'd held her while she'd slept, and she watched the sky tiredly, letting out a soft sigh. "Never was it something I thought you would ask."

She shook her head, now only half watching the stars, though he concentrated wholly on them. "It was never something I wanted to." Turning her head, she let her cheek rest on his chest instead of the back of her head, and she let her eyes close as she decided that one wish, one falling star, was enough for her. "You won't leave, right?"

"Iie, Maddie-chan," he murmured, his lips gently touching the top of her head, his tear dripping onto her skin, and then he returned his gaze to the sky. "Iie."

I just want this night. This night, here, under the stars.

Another meteor sped across the sky, and Ruki's eyes closed long enough for his wish. I wish for this night to never end. Again he watched. Again he waited. Again, he was ready.