Been Here the Whole Time

“He’s been writing. I don’t know what, but when he’s not out with you or around you or on stage, he’s cooped up in his bunk with his little notebook almost shoved into his face.” I pretended like I wasn’t listening, because honestly it just sounded cheesy. I couldn’t possibly be inspiration for anything, let alone Gerard writing something. I’m just…me; happy-go-lucky me with a twist of my own little zing that made my brand of optimism a bit sour. Like a Sour Patch Kid-I’m sour, then I’m sweet. And besides, what the fuck was Alicia doing on the MSI bus when it was in motion. Wouldn’t-shouldn’t she be with her husband on the My Chemical Romance bus?

Apparently not. “Lindsey, this is a good thing!” Right, because I want someone that I’m not totally sure about having him around for forever (though I would love that) to write songs about me. That’s just what I want; I want nothing more than to be that girl that all the “rock stars” write about as a backstab after they’d made it on top. Note my sarcasm there; it’s the last fucking thing I want! “It means you’re making one hell of an impression. You know that Gee lacked in the creative department when it was around?”

I didn’t care what he did or didn’t do when Stacy had been around. She was the past-history-and I happened to be the present-a gift. And yes, I did pretty much steal that from Kung Fu Panda, get over it! “Zoid, this has to mean something to you!” she said, almost poking me before I opened my eyes quickly to glare a bit at her. Alicia really needed to get the fuck off the bus, and not just because she needed to be with Mikey again. Sitting up, I just rolled my eyes and pulled my shirt down.

“Al, it does mean something. Even if I don’t really see what it does, I know him getting into writing again is a great thing. Listen, I’m not going to sit around and pretend like him getting inspiration to write back is because I’m dating him. Gerard’s a big boy, and life comes and goes for big boys. There’s no way I can take credit for his inspiration when he could just be getting back into his old Misfits music or whatever,” I said, almost shrugging. I tried to make the fact that I didn’t want to take credit away from anyone greater than myself as subtle, as “me” as I could. If it didn’t work, Alicia only sighed the way I almost had and turned her head, leaning so that she looked out the window of the bus behind the booth we’d been sitting in.

Jimmy came out from the back of the bus and took a seat on the small couch thing where I’d hid my second suit case, looking between both Alicia and myself. “So Zoid, Chanty’s been wondering if you were ever going to call her again.” I wanted to plant my palm into my forehead then. I felt like a complete bitch then; I promised Chantal I’d call her back the other day when I was with Gee! Sighing, I nodded and crossed my arms over my stomach again.

“I’ve been meaning to, Jimmy. I guess it keeps slipping my mind.” How I’d let that happen, I can’t remember. There was just a point between me mentally telling myself to call Chantal and curling up against Gerard where all my thoughts just became one-You’re right where you belong. And that had nothing to do with calling Chantal, so now I just ended up feeling like a mother that just regretted abandoning her child. “I’ll get on it when I can think of what to ask her.” All your current thoughts are either on why the fuck Alicia isn’t on her own bus or on Gerard, and you know it.

Jimmy shrugged and pulled his feet up onto the couch, grabbing the remote to the little flat screen the bus came with, changing the channel to some freaky show on Chiller that I wasn’t going to sit around and waste my time watching. Thankfully, the bus stopped, and out the window I could see a gas pump with a building behind it. Without another word, Alicia and I both headed towards the door of the bus and got out, stretching before we headed up towards the building to find some sugary snacks to pass the time. I headed around the aisles to the chip bags, looking through the varieties and completely ignoring the door opening again.

Before I knew it, I heard a squeal and a chuckle and knew Mikey had found Alicia standing by the sodas. Why I thought Gerard wouldn’t have come in too, I don’t know, but I was surprised when his arms snaked around my waste from behind. “Hey love,” I said, smiling as I picked up a bag of chips before turning around to give Gee a quick kiss. He smiled before pulling away, but kept me close to him in his arms. “Chips?” I asked, holding my bag up with a slight smile still on my face. Did it just get lighter I here, or was it just Gerard’s smile?

He chuckled and shook his head, nuzzling his nose against mine in the process which undoubtedly had me blushing like mad. “No thank you, Bella.” Thatstupid Italian accent again! He just had to use a word that I knew, a word that meant the world to me, and a word that made me blush even more than before. To save himself (and me from most likely falling over red) he said, “I’d much rather just have you agree to spend the night on our bus with me. You were holding Al hostage just before, so I think it’s only fair to do the same to you.”

I pondered for a moment, trying to picture two people in one of those tiny little bunks. It didn’t sound particularly comfortable, mostly because the bunks were really made for one person. Then again, I didn’t expect Alicia and Mikey to stay in two separate bunks-but they’re both like…stick thin. And there was always going to be that part of my mind that couldn’t believe I had him to myself-that part happened to break through everything else and push me into saying, “’Course, baby!” Gerard smiled wider and pulled me closer, kissing my lips quickly before I pulled back a bit to head to the register.

He followed me with his hand wrapped around mine, and brought himself closer to me as I paid for the chips, waiting for Alicia and Mikey to stop fondling each other in the back of the station. I’m kidding, of course! Finally though, they made their way to the register too with two bottles of coca cola, and when everything was finally paid for we all headed back towards the busses. I turned back to Gee and left a quick kiss on his lips before saying, “Be back in a minute.” Then I turned back to my bus and headed to my bunk to get some pajamas and grooming products-my hair and tooth brushes, some make up, and a few other things I don’t really feel the need to mention.

I wasn’t all that surprised to find Gerard leaning against my bus when I came back off, but I was a little surprised when he simply took my hand and lead me towards his. We entered the bus and walked right past Bob, Ray, Frank, Jamia, Alicia, and Mikey to the back bunks where Gee took my bags and put them on his mattress. When he was done with that, he turned back to me and held each of my hands in his, the placed a small kiss on my lips. "Oh, I have something I wanna show you!" he said, turning around again quickly to pick up his notebook.

I started to get a bit nervous, because of the conversation I'd had earlier with Alicia. His notebook was small and black and white, the usual for little composition books, but it was torn and written all over and decorated with various Punk stickers (Misfits, Sex Pistols, the usual). It looked like he'd put the poor thing to good use, and as he laid it in my hands and stepped around me to open it and turn to a specific page, I could see that yeah, good use was pretty much an underestimate. He'd pretty much abused the poor notebook!

When he stopped turning pages, I looked at what he was showing me. When I read the lyrics, I looked up at him with curiosity on my face. "Beyonce lyrics?" I asked. I couldn't understand what this had to do with me, or why he would want to show me lyrics to Sweet Dream, but he did and when I asked him why he just smirked. I looked back down at the lyrics and saw that he'd replaced the 'boy' parts or whatever with parts that would fit the song being sung by a man to a woman. And it hit me.

"You could be a sweet dream, or a beautiful nightmare. Either way I don't wanna wake up from you." As he said the lines, he wrapped his arms around me, causing me to forget about the notebook. It hit the floor as I wrapped my arms back around Gerard, bringing my body closer to his again. I smirked up at him and said back, "My guilty pleasure, I ain't goin' nowhere. Baby, as long as you're here, I'll be floating on air."