Been Here the Whole Time

I’d been right. Sharing a bunk was horribly uncomfortable. But when I woke up, I didn’t seem to care that my back was screaming at me, or that I was practically lying on top of Gerard. Well, honestly that was the best part; I was literally on top of Gerard with my head on his chest and his arms around me. The bus was still moving, but it seemed to be slowing; either there was a road block, a red light, or we were coming up to the venue. I silently prayed for the latter, as I wanted to get out of the cramped space and stretch already! Knocking me out of my thoughts, I felt Gerard’s hand move up and down my back a few times, and I lifted my head to see him flutter his eyes.

I hoped the smile that was spreading across his face was because I was still with him, but I wouldn’t know until he said something about it. “Morning, beautiful,” he said and I smiled down at him. I kind of did blush, but I tired to hide it by lowering my head. Gerard wasn’t going to have any of that; he lifted my head up and reached up (it looked painful) to kiss me. I gave a light sigh and after I pulled back said, “Morning, love.” I went to stretch and kicked the wall, then bit my lip and laughed at myself. I’d kinda forgotten we were in a small bunk. “Smooth, babe. Why don’t you get down and we can go raid the front for some coffee?”

That sounded better than kicking more walls on accident. So I nodded and rolled over, letting my feet hang off the end of the bunk before I slipped off. My shorts lifted, but thankfully I was able to pull them back down before anyone could see. Gerard came down after me and held my hand in his, then abruptly turned and pulled me behind him to the front of the bus. Alicia and Mikey were already up, but just lazily sitting on the one couch, watching the little television together. I smiled at them as we headed right past them to the little kitchen like area of the bus, and smiled wider when I saw that Alicia had already put up a pot of fresh coffee. “Love you long time, ‘Licia!” I called. I heard her giggle for a second, just as Gerard filled up two cups of the delicious smelling liquid.

When the coffee was the way we liked it, Gee and I headed back towards the tiny little table across from the couch and sat on the same side, me in his arms. We sat like that until the both of us were done with our drinks, when we both stood up and headed back to the bunks. The bus had stopped fully by now, meaning we were at the venue finally. Gerard turned me around and put me up against the wall, placing both of his hands on either side of me and smirked. “I guess since we’re here, you want to go back to your bus and get ready?” he asked, moving his hand on my left to run softly down my face. I smiled as pleasant goose bumps ran down my arms and sides, but nodded nonetheless.

His lips touched mine quickly, and I was almost disappointed. Honestly, I wanted nothing more than to stay with Gerard all day, every day for the rest of my life. I sadly knew that wasn’t going to be happening, at least not any day soon. So he sighed and let me go, and I climbed up into the bunk to retrieve my stuff. When I was done, I didn’t even bother to get dressed before Gee took my hand and kept it in his all the way back to my own bus. When we got to the door though, we stopped and stayed silent, and before I could think about what I was doing I wrapped my arms around Gerard. He smiled and wrapped himself around me too, and against the breeze (and my lack of real clothes) I felt really comfortable. I can definitely get used to this.

“I’ll see you later, baby,” he said, kissing me softly again. I sighed and went to say something meaningful (like something off the charts for the part of the relationship we were at), but he turned away and walked back to his bus without another word. I didn’t question why, since he was probably tired and in a bit of pain from having to share a bunk with me, so I just turned and headed onto my bus with a stupid smile on my face from the kiss. Since Alicia had been with Mikey before, the bus was a bit quiet. Jimmy and Steve were probably off causing havoc somewhere, and Kitty was probably just sitting around listening to music, meaning I pretty much got the whole bus to myself.

I didn’t hesitate to start getting ready for the day though, and I hurriedly got out of my pajamas and into a skirt and my usual shirt. Once I had a pair of boots on, I headed back off the bus and looked around for something to do. I had a few hours until sound check, meaning if I could find Gerard again, I would have someone to talk to, to keep me company until then. So I started with the My Chemical Romance bus again, but heard voices from the other side. Instead of heading onto the bus unannounced, I decided to play a little game I liked to call ninja. The only rules were that I wasn’t too be seen or heard from, and the only way to win was to abide by the rules at all time while the people I was spying on got the short end of the game’s stick.

“What are you doing here?” I heard. It was Gerard’s voice, though not lined with the sweetness it had been when he was talking to me. He sounded a bit agitated, like something was bothering him from whomever it was that he was talking to. But I stayed where I was, hidden by the side of the bus. I heard then, “Baby, I’m here because I love you!” That voice-the high pitched squeak of it, along with the valley-girl twang she had going on-could only be from one person. It. I wanted to step out, growl in her face, and take her down, but I continued to stay where I was. If I learned anything over the last few years of at least being close to Gerard, it was that he could fight his own battles.

I heard him sigh and grunt, and a light thud that sounded like heels hitting the asphalt. He’d pushed her off of him, meaning she’d touched him! That bitch! “I don’t think so, Stacey. Remember, you cheated.” Well, at least he was being good about this. I seriously would have been broken if everything I thought I’d been through since actually being with Gerard was a lie. I heard her giggle, and knew she was shaking her head. I knew Stacey too well for someone that really didn’t want to know her at all; all whores were basically the same though.

“I know what I did,” she said in a low voice, trying to be disgustingly seductive. I knew Gerard, and I knew that even when he was with her, he didn’t fall for shit like that. “But I was hoping you’d forgive me when I told you what I came to tell you today!” My eyes widened; girls didn’t just pop up at their ex boyfriend’s venues with something to tell them if it wasn’t monumental. But I caught her edge; even if she just told Gerard she had something to tell him and him alone, she was really here to make my life a living hell. She was trying to steal him from me again.

There was a slight pause, and I knew that Gerard was just waiting for her to go on. It was now or never for me, so I stood up and turned the corner (I hadn’t even realized I’d crouched just moments before until then) with a huge smile on my face. Of course, it was all a façade, but it would at least show Stacey that I wasn’t there to fuck with her plan (although I technically was). Gerard’s face lit up, while Stacey’s darkened into a scowl. “Hey love!” he said, pulling me into his arms and placing a huge kiss (a show, I could tell, though I wasn’t going to complain) on my lips. I didn’t even look at Stacey, just kept my focus on Gerard and only Gerard. But she insisted on breaking everything we had, obviously.

“Like I was saying, I have something great to tell you, Gee!” Her voice made me want to cringe, but since my of my mind was wrapped around the fact that Gerard was still holding me, and not even looking at Stacey as he nodded, I hardly even cared. I thought I saw her face turn green in the corner of my eye, but that could have just been my mind acting up. “So the other day I went to the doctors, right?” she asked. Shit; that couldn’t turn out good. “And he told me I was pregnant!” Both Gerard and I quickly turned our heads at that. My eyes widened again, and my fears from before about her trying to tear Gerard and I apart were proven true. “Isn’t that great?!”

“Who’s the father?” Gee asked, and I placed a hand on the center of his chest to hold him back in case the answer angered him. Stacey smirked at me, and then smiled at Gerard before pushing her black and blond hair off of her shoulders. She looked so proud, but I quickly thought she wouldn’t be so proud of her perfect body eight months from now, when she looked like a swollen balloon. But even that thought wouldn’t let a smile cross my face as she said, “You, silly! Why else would I be here telling you that?” Her face turned back into a smirk when she looked back at me, and mine just lowered into the same scowl she’d worn when I came around the corner.

Gerard just looked at her with his eyes blinking like he couldn’t believe it. “How do you know? You pretty much slept with every guy besides me when we were together!” he almost screamed. Stacey’s smirk was wiped off her face then, and she looked at Gerard like a dear in headlights. She looked like she was going to cry, and if I had anything to say about it she would. “I can’t honestly sit here and believe that this baby of yours is really mine.” He had ever right and reason to say so. Being a whore definitely had its downsides, I see now. (See, I wouldn’t know because I’m not a whore like Stacey.)

“You didn’t even give me a chance that day, to let you know that I really loved you. That you were the last man I wanted, and the last man I had. I wasn’t sleeping around the month you broke up with me, Gerard. Don’t let this little Prune and her sidekicks tell you otherwise!” she said, pointing to me. It took every bit of love that I have for children to not let go of Gerard and pound her face into the ground. Besides that, I didn’t believe a word of it. So I spat,” What acting school did you go to? For a whore, you’re a great actress!” I was surprised that Gerard didn’t turn and give me a glare or something, anything to show that my statement was uncalled for. I guess he thought the same thing that I did; that my statement was very called for.

Instead, Gerard lowered his eyes and held me tighter to him. “I want you gone, Stacey. When they baby’s born, I’ll pay for a paternity test. If the baby is really mine, you can expect child support and nothing more. I don’t want to have anything to do with this child of yours,” he said. Part of me wanted to die, just because he was refusing a baby (it wasn’t its fault that its mother was Stacey), but the other part of me wanted to smile as gigantically as I could. He was still choosing me over her, even though she was claiming to be the mother of his child. I couldn’t tell if he never wanted children because of this or just didn’t want children with her…..did that mean he wanted children with me?

Stacey looked at the ground and pouted, but I was too occupied looking at Gerard like he was God. “I-I see. Sorry I wasted your time, Gerard.” She sounded so sincere, but my mental images of her with those guys in the pictures Alicia had showed me stayed right where they always had been. I waited until she was out of my sight to reach up and press my lips to his cheek, only then realizing he looked like he’d just stepped on a kitten on accident. I asked, “You okay hon?” He shook his head and looked off in the direction Stacey had left. I moved the hand that had been on his chest to the side of his face that was against the bus and pulled so he was facing me.

“You did the right thing,” I told him, only mentally adding I think to the end of the sentence. “No one’s going to hate you for doing this to her, except maybe Stacey herself. But love, you did what you thought was right, no?” He sighed and nodded, holding me closer to him than I ever thought possible. He stayed silent for a few moments before leaning down and kissing me again.

When he pulled back, he looked me in the eye, and the spark I saw meant he was thinking. He had something huge to tell me, and I was starting to hope it was the same thing I wanted to tell him earlier. Sadly, he said nothing and just kissed me again, but I wasn’t going to say anything further about it. Gerard had just been through something so huge, that I was sure anything I would have said against him holding his thoughts back would have sent him over the edge into something I wouldn’t want to see him in.