Been Here the Whole Time

“Where are you going?!”

My boots slammed against the ground as I ran, only turning back to smile and giggle off behind me. How this had started, I couldn’t remember but I didn’t quite care. Gerard was chasing me-not it-around the venue, as if we were playing some wacked version of Duck Duck Goose. Finally, we’d made it to a warm enough state to run around without coats on, so my red vest swished around me as I moved faster and faster, my boots just getting in the way almost. But that made this chase that much more fun-either Gerard was just a really slow runner or he was letting me get away from him.

I didn’t like the latter of the two choices, but what could I do about him letting me win?

I heard him laugh, and then the sound of his footsteps getting closer made its way to my ears. “Come back here, woman!” he called, nothing but happiness in his voice as far as I could tell. That was nice, because there was something he said last night that set me off. I could hardly remember what it was exactly, but it had to do with trouble in paradise, which was only good news to me! Well…it was for now, when he was with it.

Before I knew what was coming, he caught me. Not only that, but he had me by the waist! I giggled and let him hold me, not complaining one bit. No one was around this part of the venue, and even if they were I wouldn’t give a damn. Maybe if someone say us like this-saw how happy he was with his arms around my-WAIT! Where’d he go? “Gee?”

I could hear his giggle-that signature noise he made when he knew he was going to get caught, but still felt like a little bad boy anyway (wow, was I the only one to think that sounded a bit sexual?)-but he seemed to be a bit far off now. How long had I dazed out with his arms around me? “Come catch me, Lindsey!” he called, almost sounding like a little girl as he did so. But I caught the direction his voice was coming from, so I smirked in that direction and ran after him.

Soon, I was the one gaining, and before I knew it I was close enough to jump on his back, which is just what I did! He laughed before stopping and wrapping my legs with his arms. “Having fun, Linz?” he asked, earning just a nod from me. I did giggle then, which got me another giggle in return from him. For a few long moments, we went nowhere and just…stood there with me on his back, but hey I wasn’t complaining! But eventually, and without any warning might I add, Gerard took off, and I grabbed onto him tighter so I wouldn’t fall off.

Where we ended up was still secluded, as if no one was daring to venture this far off from the venue. Slowly, Gerard let my legs go and I slid down his back until I was standing again. He turned around and leaned against a wall, facing me with a small smile on his face. Honestly, I never see him smile this much around it. Never; usually smiles were either….really sexual or non existent around her. But this smile was…real, genuine, and it was saying something to me that I was missing. “What? Sorry, been spacing out all day!”

Great, Lyn-z! Just tell the man you’re so mad for that you’ve been spacing out on him all day! He’ll either think you’re crazy or he’ll know you’re mad about him! Good for you. If I didn’t think I’d hurt myself in front of Gerard, I would have slapped myself across the face. But staying in good shape-in any way-around Gee was pretty much necessary; had to show him what I could offer if I wanted him to dump the cheater.

Gerard sighed and pulled me close to him, surprising me with the way his arm snaked around me. Did something happen between him and it and I was just too zoned out to hear it? Or maybe it was just too quiet for anyone to hear and Gee just wants to keep things dark between us and the rest of the world? I could deal with that, I think. But I couldn’t focus with my face as close as it was to his-closer than it ever had been before but not close enough for my liking.

“I was saying how red is definitely your color,” he almost whispered, sending goose bumps down my arms. Secretly, I wished it would walk past us right about now, but for the most part I was pretty occupied with the way Gerard was holding me close to him, holding me closer than I could remember seeing him hold it. Wow, if things weren’t going my way I didn’t know what my way was!

I would have giggled if he wasn’t so close to me. Instead, I just blushed, though I couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across my face even wider than before. “T-thank you,” I said in a low voice, the only one that I could manage with the way that I was being held towards Gerard. If I wasn’t crazy, he was moving closer to me…a lot like he had when he’d staid over my apartment that one night. Only this time, he made physical contact with me, and I swore he was about to kiss me when he stopped and just….looked at me.

Something that he did then that set me off was when he picked his hand up and brushed the hair out of my face. Just tell me you’re mad about me, or that you think I’m beautiful, something cliché please! Something that will give me even the least bit of hope! Well, I should have just gotten hope from the way he was holding me, but that didn’t seem like it was enough for me. So greedy, and still I got nothing but awkward feelings of revenge when it came around.

Without warning, Gerard abruptly let me go and almost pushed me away, though that might just have been in my mind. He sighed heavily and never lost eye contact with me, though I was sure the look in my eyes went from wonder and elation to anything but the two. "I-I'm sorry, Lindz. I can't do this," he said lightly, looking at me like he couldn't believe he'd gone so far. I just wanted to slap him then yell at the top of my lungs, "LIKE HELL YOU CAN'T!" If it got to cheat, the only thing.....that was keeping Gerard from doing the same was the fact that he wouldn't ever dip to her level, I realized.

I just sighed and shook my head, turning around and heading back for the venue before I could get choked up around him. I wouldn't let him see me cry; I wouldn't let him see me unless someone else was around any more. If he was so loyal to her, to Stacy, then I sure as hell wasn't going to stop him from being the absolutely perfect man that he was.

My life is torture on wheels.