Fame Killed The Rockstar

Have you ever gotten the feeling when some part of you is missing? Your insides feel like the everyday zombies you deal with have yanked them out and made them disappear right before your eyes. That is how Bert seems to feel nowadays. Drowning in his own depression, he keeps sinking deeper, and deeper. No one really is never there and never will be. His boyfriend loves him oh so fucking much he cares that Bert tries overdosing every chance he gets. His friends and family just adore him very much to let him inject himself various types of death wishes and poisons.

“I’m going out with the band.” Gerard growled as he slammed the door shut. Bert shut his eyes close with anger.

“You’re always fucking gone!” He yelled out as the silence crazed him to insanity.

“Motherfucker,” Through gritted teeth Bert pushed his chair with so much force it fell backwards. He grabbed with both hands a side of the table and flipped it over. Plastic and porcelain flew into the air combining with the silverware. Bert did not care for what he did just walked out the door.

“You’re always fucking lying to me Gerard! Why the fuck do you always fucking lie to me, huh? ” Bert kicked the table once more and stepped on some of the parts of the shattered glass. He ran over to the living room and knocked over the TV. Sparks that signified anger flashed as they died down.

“I wish you loved me…” Bert was back to back with one of the stained walls as he slid down to the floor. He buried his face into his hands and crying; he reached into his pocket, brought some Marlboro up to his lips, and lit it up.

“Stop it, shit, just fucking leave me alone!” Bert screams rumbled all near by glass items. They were high enough to break record in music history. Falling to his side letting the cigarette drop along with him, he sobbed grabbing onto the old, dusty, dirty white rug.

“Happy Valentines day baby, I fucking love you too!” Bert stood up to punch the wall with all his remaining strength. Breathless, he stood loveless. All he ever wanted was to hear Gerard to repeat the words, “I love you.” Everything looked like a photo album in Bert’s head. Everything was a still picture of how great everything used to be when he first found Gerard. He was his everything and anything he ever thought of. No other boy made him feel the way Gerard made him feel. Abuse never seem to get in the way though.

“I need to see Coon.” Bert sighed as he calmed himself down. He quickly placed the remaining cigarette into his mouth and rushed out the door into the faint cold and into the icebox of his old rusted car.

“Fucking shit… Coon, you better fucking be in the alley way.” Bert hissed as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. Gaining speed, he was on the path to a never-ending road of addictions. Just the thought of the sweet morphine in his body made him want to rush faster. With ecstasy increasing time, mushrooms making all his wild fantasies come to live, and pot to make him mellow. He could taste the high at the tip of his tongue as if it were on an ice cream cone, him just licking at it.

“I see you’re back for more eh?” Coon smirked in the darkness of the alley. Bert did nothing but nodded and reached out for five one-hundred bills.

“Give me all that you’ve got.” Bert literally shoved the money into Coon’s face. The man did nothing but let out a husky cough. He greedily took the money and counted.

“You sure are one hell of a customer, kid.” Coon took his sweet time knowing very well how Bert hated that. Annoyed, he held back a tantrum and took it out on kicking a wall as he leaned onto it.

“Here ya go kid. Be back soon.” Coon laughed that sinister-husky laugh of his and dismissed the young boy.

“Hope you fucking choke.” Bert muttered and stuffing the numerous little bags into his pockets and to his car.