Awful Piece Of Art

I was probably bleeding all over the seat.
I'd be getting out of the Nissan in a few minutes, and there I would stand sadly looking at a huge circle of scarlet.
Paranoid, at the next light I would check just to make sure.

Todd would kill me if I damaged his car in any sort of way, whether by a bird shitting on it or my menstrual cycle oozing.
Not that I could apologize for such a thing.

I never owned a car, even though I had been living on my own for almost 2 years. I wasn't the best with saving money, and the only way I semi-learned that concept was in order to pay for the rent or food. I learned the first month that it wasn't fun getting a delinquency notice from the landlord and reading it on an empty stomach.

As far as transportation went, they had the bus for a reason, right?
I got myself a pass, and it was one of the most responsible things I'd ever done. But too bad the bus wasn't at my beckoned call, though. If it were, then I wouldn't of had to roll the dice and end up taking my brother's pride and joy.

He had moved into my apartment a month ago, and with it came pros and cons. He owned a vehicle, so I could bum rides to work, but it defeated the purpose of me being independent; that sense of responsibility vanishing. He inputed his fair share of money, then took it back in the consuming of all my groceries.

He gave me company, but he was a pain in the ass.

It was Saturday in the early morning, and he had been snoring at that obnoxious volume of his as I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed his keys off of the hook. I knew I should've asked him, and maybe he would've said yes, or maybe no because of the potential to have made my girl mark on the interior forever.

I wasn't thinking rationally for obvious reasons.
I needed tampons and I needed them now.

The next stoplight had come, and I was the 3rd car in the lane. Quickly, I lifted myself from the seat and tried to the best of my abilities to see if I had left any trace of me behind. I continued to lean forward; waiting to get the best view possible, until my torso accidentally leaned too close to the steering wheel and I honked the horn.

My eyes widened, and I fell back down into the fabric. looking forward instantly, I got greeted with the next driver's middle finger. I sighed heavily and sunk further into the driver's side. Why I didn't anticipate that was beyond me, and I just felt that much stupider.

The cramps were coming on again; feeling as though they were eating my intestines and any chance of them leaving seemed so far away. I took a mental tab to get some Midol too. I rubbed my forehead stressfully and cursed the duration of this red light. It had been too long now, surely, but that was probably my anxiety babbling again.

The image of Todd stretching contently on the couch, awoken by the sun and in full awareness, then rising up to go take his morning piss, only to realize that I wasn't home. I was gone. I could see the expression on his face; profound and then angry as he would dash over to the sliding glass door that served as a window, and not see his beauty parked outside.

He'd be even more pissed when he would call my phone and hear my ringer in my bedroom.

Or I was probably just nervous because every woman gets self-conscious about their asses when it's their time of the month; afraid of appearing as though they're shitting out blood. It always feels like you are, and then you spend the entire day having an internal freak out, only to realize that when you got home and stared into the mirror that the denim was spotless.

At least for me.

I could clearly see the Costco parking lot from the light, and it made me all the more impatient to get there and get out. I swear, I had been waiting for an hour with the speed my nerves were going at.
I honestly don't know why I was so anxious.

It was the weekend, I didn't plan on going anywhere, and the only one who would be able to make fun of me for not being prepared would also be the one to be kicking the shit out of me as I did so.

There should be no worries.

Plus, when I say that it was early in the morning, I really mean that. It was around the time that old people and strict mothers who wanted their shopping done before the rush would roam the aisles. I doubted anyone would be where I was anyway unless it was choosing between different laxatives.

The light turned green, and you can bet that I hurried just a little too fast. At least I didn't cause an accident, considering that the most mild form of a reckless driver could induce chaos.

I won't lie, I cheered as I pulled up into the lot; staring at the glory of all the parking spaces. It was a rare sight to see, and as efficiently as possible, I steered a quick left and stopped again. Hastily, I clicked the button of my seat belt and shimmied out of it, opening my door in the process.

So a sporadic freak pretty much sums up what I must've looked like at the moment.

I was parked in the 2nd space, towards the very middle; closest to the entrance. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and slammed the door shut, causing me to cringe at the force I had put into it.
Not only was I stealing his car temporarily, but now I was treating it like shit.

The store welcomed me with the swift breeze that comes with the opening of doors, and I smiled, minimally happy to solve one problem: escaping the heat. As I walked by the registers and towards the main aisle that was the precursor to a variety of others, I knew I was right. There was close to no one there. It's universally known that whenever you go out into the world and you look like hot shit, you never see anyone you know.

But the one time you look like scum everyone knows it.
My hair's in a messy bun, I'm wearing sweats and a big t-shirt, and I'm just bound to see someone.

It was early enough to where employees were still filling up their inventory. Passing the bread aisle, there were workers with carts of wheat; stacking them on the shelves. The pasta aisle was vacant and needed a visit, and on and on, all I saw was emptiness, or blocked by goods.

The medicine/personal needs aisle was towards the end of the store, to the far left; second aisle to last. I trudged by awkwardly in the way where I was still scared if there was a stain on my pants, but hurried as fast as I could.

On my way was when I began to wonder if Todd had awoken yet, and if he had, wondered if he was pacing back and forth in the living room trying to pinpoint where I had gone. I was grateful that I hadn't brought my phone along with me. I couldn't remember if I left it on vibrate, but even in my current situation, I could find some humor in my dumb ass brother calling me repetitively; leaving furious voice mails.

If not mentioned earlier, I was a goody two shoes.
I have no shame in admitting that I always did the right thing; missing out on the majority of teenage, angst-filled "fun" that included illegal activity. I was one of those kids that preferred to stay in on a Friday night instead of party.

So taking my brother's car without asking was quite a step for me.

After I had rubbed all pessimism out of my head, I had already made it halfway through the aisle I needed to be in. I didn't even realize that I had traveled so far unconsciously. My eyes darted over to the right side of the shelves, where I passed cough syrup and those laxatives.

"Thank god," I muttered as the Tampax and Kotex was in my view.

I raced over and stared at the heaven of padding and the human plugs. On the bottom shelves were diapers for the senior citizens, and further down was for babies. I moved my finger across the different products.

Light.
Regular.
Super.
Super Plus.
Ultra.

I smiled in satisfaction.
Oh yeah, I was gonna need that one.
I always felt like anything less wouldn't cut it for me.

"Latex or sheepskin?"

It was a guy I hadn't even noticed who asked.
I was never an observant individual, but I would have surely taken at least a glance at him. I turned to peer at him through, at first, curious eyes, then as I realized what he was holding in both hands, that curiosity turned my face into a scowl.
I didn't need to be wasting my time with a someone who couldn't decide what condoms he should be buying.

Everyone had the common knowledge, along with the theory of not looking like shit if you want to save yourself from embarrassment, that there were also weird fuckers that prowled the community at odd hours. It was late at night to early morning, the unspoken "schedule" that everyone knew, and here I was at what was the right time to still be surrounded by them.

Obviously.

His hair was a huge mess, and the blue eyes in his sockets held debate and needed help. He wore tight pants and a Maroon 5 t-shirt.
There was no one else in the aisle but him and I.
He appeared to be about my age, in the prime of his twenties, and he wouldn't have been a bad person to stare at if he didn't approach me in such a way. I'm sure he was just another dog wanting to keep his chew toy clean so he could gnaw on it all he wanted without getting dirt in his teeth.

I didn't feel the need to be social, especially with someone like this, so I just kept the disgust on my face and turned to walk away.
Why the fuck would a stranger go up to another stranger and ask them such a question? I could, I guess, understand if it was man to man; one player to another, but to go up to a girl and try to ask her opinion was just so vulgar and awkward.

And he did it without a hint of shyness.
...Men?

"Didn't you need these?"

I turned back around, and saw that he had put one of the boxes down to motion towards the tampons. Intensify my embarrassment.
This scene had always played out in my head at one time or another; the day when I would go to the store to pick them up and some guy, whether in the same aisle or working the register, would give me a passing look of recognizing the situation as awkward or sickening. But his didn't hold one of either, he was just casual.
That was probably to be expected though considering that he was perfectly cool with asking my opinion about protection.

I was so distracted by this guy that I totally forgot about my own needs, and then I could feel them again as I came back to my reality. Shit, I bet he wasn't even paying attention to me before as I was looking at all of the different brands.

I bet there was that stain on my ass that told him so.

Suddenly becoming flushed with being found out, and since I couldn't leave without them, I paced back with my head down; hiding from him.
I had no choice but to get them. I couldn't keep my face hidden forever, so yes, I caught the smirk that he was presenting once I came as close to him as needed, then I immediately had the desire of running out without a trace left behind.

"Hey,"

I rolled my eyes.

"What?"

He looked taken aback by my hint of irritation. Like I said, I didn't want to talk to this guy. I had to get home and return the car, do the business I planned to do since I woke up, and then go back to bed; pretending nothing ever happened. I couldn't take my risks on this perv. His cocky attitude had returned, and his smirk became even bigger.

"You know, I'm only getting those because I'm about to go on tour."

Another classic example of how all guys are the same. They never say the right thing, or just something so off the wall that they think justifies their actions. Or they figure that us women being speechless means they uttered something so genius, that we're just quiet and gaping because we can't beat that.

WRONG.
We just stare at you boys because we think you're morons.
Like I gave a shit if he was gonna be banging a bunch of groupies for a couple months straight and he was buying his preparations.
And was that some sort of a come on?

Did he want me to raise my eyebrows and say "Really? Because I love boys in bands, they make me wanna do them right here on the tiled floor of the market."?
He could just push out that fantasy of his.

"What, are you afraid you'll get your period while you're traveling?"

His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak.
It was clear which one he should choose, and I couldn't help myself.

"Everyone knows that sheepskin doesn't protect against STDS."

And that's when I left.
Todd was surely going insane by now, and the sooner I got home, the less intense the consequences would be for me. I had no problem leaving that dude behind. In fact, it was relieving. He was such a fucking creep that I was glad to get him off my hands.

The light from outside was already radiating through the large store windows, and as much as I wanted to just fucking sprint to my car, I didn't have the will power to do so. I also hated running because I looked like such an idiot when I did so.

Call me weird.
Call me self conscious.

The double doors opened again, and I took a deep breath. I was getting stressed over the most ridiculous things, things I obviously couldn't handle, and it was no wonder why I was never a rebel. I stomped to the car, not in a tantrum but more in determination.

A slow sinking feeling drowned me from my insides and out as the sensation of holding something, preferably a grocery bag, was missing. I stopped, looked down at both of my hands, and pursed my already tight lips.

I had forgotten the damn tampons.

All my braincells were going insane in my head as I growled at my own stupidity. I first went through the downward spiral of thinking I had shoplifted them by accident, then when I saw that I didn't have them, a small wave of relief washed over, but was soon replaced with self-hatred.

There was no way in hell that I could go back in there.
I could feel the cramps throbbing in my pelvis, and the leakage just so close to the edge, or already happening. My pants may have possibly been a whole different color and I didn't know it.
The dilemma I was trying to sort out was playing a huge roll in distracting me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
was the only word I could think about.

Even though it was against better judgment, I needed to get what I needed. I didn't go all that way just so my idiocy could cause me to go shriveling back. I don't know how many times I had turned away, and then turned back around, but I did it again, and I was finding myself taking the brisk stroll back.

My only wish was that I never saw that guy again. That he would occupy a completely different part of the store so I could go back unseen and save myself the humiliation. He surely thought me retarded.

I also forgot to get the Midol, so I could shut up my cramps too, then prevent the ever-coming headaches. I think it was too late to skip out on the mood swings though.

For the 3rd time in the past half hour, the doors opened and granted me entry into the grocery store. There was a few more people coming in than before, and I knew that minutes were crucial if you really wanted a lonely shopping atmosphere. Everyone was beginning to rise out of their beds and beat the morning rush, even though their idea isn't original in the slightest and they end up being stuck with everyone else anyway.

I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

More cashiers were working at the registers, and I was only looking in one direction, and that was toward my discarded tampons and awaiting Midol.

"Don't worry about it." A voice said.

Then, my hand was being grabbed loosely, and I was moving in the opposite direction of the store. Horrified, I saw that the side of this person's face had a lot in common with the guy in the personal aisle. I yanked myself away from him and stared in bafflement.

"...Excuse me?"

"Here,"

And what he tossed me made me even more speechless.
Tampons.

For the first time, he gave me an actual smile.

"What's up with you today? You put them down twice..."

It was only then that his appearance was magnified, and I saw him as more than a weirdo. That smile was something of a brightness I hadn't seen for a while, and just his entire demeanor in general was much more attractive. Maybe it was because he had the unbelievable kindness to buy my tampons for me.

This turning point caused me to glance up at him, a new humor in my voice as I asked, "You really bought these for me? Like, even though you're a guy, you...you didn't care?"

He chuckled, then shifted from one foot to the other one.

"Well I didn't think about it, I just did it. Right after you left, I saw them sitting by the nasal spray, and just thought I'd return them to you."

I scrambled to get the money out of my pocket; babbling to him about how much I owed him for doing such a thing for me, when he just touched my hand again and brushed it away from my jeans. His eyes were a bright blue in the new sunlight, and I couldn't help but, in a way, be swept off my feet.

"Uh..." he breathed.

"That won't be necessary."

It was like a switch had been turned on, and he became nervous; continuing to shift between his two feet and biting his lip. I quirked an eyebrow as I watched him glance both ways, like he was about to cross the street.
With the way he was acting, I'm sure some line was about to be crossed.

I was in the presence of this guy, who was undeniably cute, and I was in that fucking house cleaning outfit with my nasty hair pinned up. That knowledge I was talking about earlier was coming into play for my situation, and I felt absolutely doubtful in myself.

"But," he finally said in a lower tone.

"I would like to take you out sometime."

I knew it was mean, but I couldn't help but laugh.
Not because I thought that I was any better than him, oh no, it was because of the irony of the entire morning. I looked like hell, I felt like hell, and now this guy, who I said was actually quite attractive, was asking me, the girl who was horrendous at that time, out. It was just unexpected that it was funny.

He frowned, most-likely thinking that I was giggling because of the former, but before he could get pissed off and take back his offer, I straightened up and toned down the laughs.

"I thought you said you were going on tour, and I don't really wanna catch a disease if you've really got one from one of those girls."

He held his hands up in a defense, and now he was the one laughing.

"Woah, okay first off, sex was hardly on my mind. I just wanna go out to dinner or something. Secondly, that whole asking you about condoms thing was just a way for me to talk to you. I don't actually go out and bang groupies, thank you."

"You were the one that said they were for when you're on tour, thank you."

Even though I was acting semi-normal over what was happening, I still couldn't believe it. He wasn't a dog, but instead, a pretty genuine guy. I found out his name was David, and the band he played for was actually starting to gain some recognition. He didn't go into full detail about it, for just our mere location was pretty inconvenient for any conversation that wasn't a "Hello" or "Goodbye".

I waved as I went over back to the car, not even giving a shit anymore that my brother would kill me when I got back to the apartment. I was far too happy to care about anything except for the next time I would see David.

"Oh wait!"

Excitedly, I saw him running back over to me, an even bigger grin spreading across his features as he held his hand behind his back.
I stared at him suspiciously, then my breath hitched in my throat as he leaned in closer, closer.
closer...

His mouth was neighboring my ear, and I had no clue as to what his intentions were, and frankly, I was sort of scared.

His lips released a breathy laugh, and then he whispered,
"I got you these too."

My jaw dropped.
He was roaring with laughter as he left me standing in the parking lot, not knowing if I should take that as an insult or an innocent joke. Right there, in my right palm, was that familiar purple box.

Labeled Midol.