We've Learned to Run from Anything Uncomfortable

Sunday June 5th,

I stepped through the dark, oak, door that was attached to the brick house I was now to call my home. I looked around, my lips shut together tightly as I took in the house.

There was an old record player against the wall, a large rack stacked with records sitting beside it. My eyes darted towards the ground as I heard fingernails clicking across it and the clinking of metal tags as two small dogs came running towards me, jumping up and down, barking excitedly.

I bent down and rubbed their backs and they sat down quickly, ready for me to give them a full-on belly rub.

“Sam?” I heard Marilyn’s voice call out behind me, “Do you want me to show you your room?”

“Oh.” I remembered, “Yeah.”

She guided me up the stairs where tons of pictures hung on the walls, mostly old Hollywood pictures with people like Marilyn Monroe and James Dean in them. A tall vase of flowers sat on a glass table at the top of the stairs, a poem placed above it.

Everyone means something to someone.

I sighed lightly as I carried my small duffel bag, full of clothes and Oli’s CD tucked into the small pocket on the side as I followed Marilyn down the hall way. She pushed open a door and revealed a pretty big room, decorated much like the rest of the house, with the Old Hollywood style and there were a couple records tacked to the walls. I almost jumped up and down and squealed when I saw there was a small CD player in the corner of the room.

She walked over and opened the closet, “Here is where you can put your clothes. I put some hangers in here already, but if you need more let me know. Oh, and my sister just moved out and she left a bunch of her old stuff here, so if you want to wear that, you can do that to.”

I smiled softly at Marilyn, she was a sweet person, “Okay. Thank you.”

“Well. I’ll leave you to getting settled in. Just let me know if you want something to eat, and I’ll be sure to get it for you.”

“Okay.”

She smiled sweetly and walked towards the door, leaving.

“Wait!” I called out.

She quickly came back into the room, “Yes?”

“Am I allowed to use that CD player?”

“Of course you are Dear. Anything mine is yours.”

I nodded, hoping she would leave. As, I just wanted to unpack and listen to Oli’s song. I was tired and a little flustered. Granting my wishes, she left the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

I let out a quick sigh as I sat down on the bed. I was so happy to be out of the hospital finally. I woke up this morning and Maggie was right in my face, with a grin plastered on her face as she told me that her daughter would be adopting me. Not just letting me live in her house for a while, but permanently adopting, meaning I had a mom again. And a family.

Her daughter, Marilyn is gorgeous. She has beautiful red hair, which I’m guessing is what Maggie’s used to like before she began aging. She has a small, slender body and glimmering green eyes. I’ve never met someone so nice in my life. She also has a girlfriend, named Marsha. I’m supposed to be meeting her tomorrow.

I’m pretty excited, not only because she’s younger, therefore she will be more lenient with me, she doesn’t have any other kids running around this place, and she’s got a girlfriend. How cool is that? Gay foster parents? I find it pretty cool.

But, I guess Marilyn has been trying her hardest to adopt a child for her and her girlfriend to take care of, but because our society is so fucked up and prejudice, they couldn’t find anybody to let them take care of their baby, because of their ‘choice of lifestyle’. So, Maggie told her about me. Marilyn had her doubts at first, because I was a troubled teenager in the hospital for being stabbed.

Maggie explained to her my situation, and Marilyn accepted. So now, I have some type of a family, and I’m glad because I really like Maggie and I’ll get to see her regularly now.

Marilyn talked to my social worker and he is so sick of me having to move homes all of the time, he could have cared less if she was married to three different women as long as none of them had a knack for stabbing people.

So, here I am. Sitting in Marilyn’s spare bedroom and getting up to put Oli’s CD in the player. I quickly flicked through the songs, coming to number nine, which was “In The End”, the one Oli had asked me to listen to.

I listened to it as I began pulling clothes from my duffel bag and hanging them up in the closet that was now mine.

It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time

All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Or wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I listened, nodding my head to the beat, but becoming slightly confused as this guy continued rapping. Oli reminded me of someone who would listen to something like Devil Wears Prada or UnderOATH or something..

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how

I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised

It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end

I was honestly surprised at the lyrics in this song. They almost described me perfectly. The relationship between my parents was just like this. You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore. I thought to myself as I pictured my mom and dad.

You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

When the song finished, I had just hung up my last pair of jeans. Being a foster kid and not having very much clothing definitely came in handy.

I laid back on my bed, as I looked up at the ceiling, thinking about the song I had just listened to. I don’t know why Oli wanted me to listen to, just that he did. Did that song remind him of me? Was it just his favorite? Was he trying to tell me something? I don’t know. All I do know is that I want to know.

I closed my eyes and laughed at myself lightly, coming to the conclusion that I liked Oliver. I had a god damn crush on Oli Sykes. The way his hair swooped over his forehead and his green eyes peeked out from between his bangs, when he smiled, his lip rings looked as if they got even closer to the sides of his mouth, and the way that I could stare at his tattoos the entire English period and still have no idea what any of them meant; He was completely captivating.

He made no sense to me, Oli. He just came out of nowhere and decided that he was on a mission to figure me out. Oli wanted to know where I came from, why I acted the way I do, and he didn’t push. He just let it happen.

And somehow, without my notice, I started to trust him. I told him about Lucy hitting me before all of that happened, I let him into my hospital room when I didn’t want anyone else there.

Even as I sit here, I know that I’m going to tell him about everything that has happened. I’m going to tell him why exactly my mom got rid of me, I’m going to explain to him why everyone hates me at school, and they all ignore me. I’ve gotten far enough with him to tell him that Lucy beat me, I have to tell him why.

I feel horrible for lying to him and telling him that it was just a joke. But, he got this look on his face. This look like he was going to leave the room and never talk to me again because he thought I was some psycho for hitting someone and killing them.

I know I’m going to have to tell him eventually.

I have to admit, I’m terrified. Literally shaking in my boots to even think about telling him all of that. But, I need to. I need someone to talk to, I can’t go around being my closed up self any longer.

A soft knock came at my bedroom door as it was pushed open lightly.

“Hey Sam.” Marilyn grinned, “I have someone downstairs to see you.”

My heart jumped up in my throat and a grin came upon my face as I stood up and followed her down the stairs. I heard someone swinging a ring of keys around and it took all I could not to push Marilyn down the stairs and tumble down them.

As we reached the end of the stairs, Marilyn whispered something to me that went unheard. I was too excited.

But, as I stepped off the last step, my smile faltered slightly as I saw a woman with long brown hair beaming up at me and extending a hand, “I’m Marsha.”

“Sam.” I grinned slightly, taking a hold on her hand.

For some reason, I let myself believe that Maggie somehow told Oliver I was now at Marilyn’s and he had come to see me. But, that wasn’t the case.

The case was, Marilyn was so excited that she had finally got someone adopted, she called Marsha, who was out of town on business and told her. Marsha was so excited that she blew off sleeping in Idaho Falls and drove the extra four hours all the way to Boise to meet me.

My interpretation of “I have someone downstairs to see you” was Oli was downstairs with his car and he wanted to take me out somewhere, celebrating the fact that I was finally out of the hospital. We’d hang out all night, and he’d bring me back home, kissing me on the lips this time instead of the cheek.

I shook my head lightly and laughed as I followed Marsha and Marilyn into their kitchen for some dinner.

Sometimes, I let my imagination run a bit too wild.