We've Learned to Run from Anything Uncomfortable

Friday, June 10th. 4:30am

I threw my last t shirt into my suitcase in a fit of anger, still pissed off about the fact that I couldn’t find the mate to my shoe. A light knock came at my door and I turned around quickly, grabbing the handle and pulling my bedroom door open to reveal Lynn with two cups of coffee in her hand.

“Olleh, I’ve got some coffeh fer yeh. Mark’s waitin’ fer yeh in the livin’ room. We need to be leavin’ in about fifteen minutes, alrigh’?”

I nodded solemnly, taking one of the cups of coffee and watching as my aunt closed the door. I took another look around the room that was no longer mine and sighed loudly. I took a sip of coffee, burning myself.

“Blast!” I muttered, almost dropping the cup. I sat down on the edge of my bed next to both of my bags and let the sick feeling in my stomach attempt to subside.

I never thought that the morning I woke up to go back home would be this horrible. My head felt like someone was repeatedly smashing a sledge hammer into the side of my skull, my stomach was twisted in so many knots, it felt like someone had cut open my intestines and tied them in all the wrong places.

I took another sip from my coffee, careful not to burn myself as I grabbed my suitcases and balanced my cup in the same hand. I made my way out of my bedroom door. Struggling to get both my bags out of the front door, I could hardly keep it together. Mark came to my rescue and removed one of the bags from my hands. I muttered a small thank you before following him out the door. I loaded my last bag into the trunk, making sure I had my iPod in my pocket.

“Yeh better go ‘n say good bye teh Lynn.” Mark said, getting into the car.

I nodded in response and stalked back into the house where Lynn sat on the couch in her night gown, her chin rested in her hand and her eyes focused on a piece of wall.

“Lynn?” I asked.

She looked up, tears falling down her face and she stood up, quickly making her way towards me and embracing me roughly, “Olleh. I love yeh, yeh know tha’? I don’ want yeh teh leave.”

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, resting my head on her shoulder, “I don’ wanna leave either Lynn. Not at all.”

“Yeh call meh when yeh get there? Okay Olleh?”

“I will Lynn. I promise.” I said, pulling away from her.

I made my way towards the door again, still not happy about leaving when Lynn called me into the kitchen.

“Olleh, c’mere before yeh leave.”

I quickly went into the kitchen and I saw Lynn leaning against the counter with an airline envelope in her hand.

“Oi, ‘m glad I didn’t ferget that.” I grinned slightly.

“It ain’t yer’s Olleh.” She sighed, “I know how upset yeh are about leavin’ yer friend Sam. So, I went and bought the bird a ticket teh Sheffield. I don’ care wha’ either of yeh parents say, it’s obvious yeh really like this gal and I’m not about teh let yeh ferget about ‘er. It’s good ‘til two weeks from now. I’ll keep it ‘ere and yeh find some way teh get it teh ‘er, alrigh’?”

I couldn’t believe what Lynn was saying to me. She had shelled out at least eight hundred dollars just because she knew that I liked Sam?

“Lynn, yeh didn’ ‘ave teh-”

“Olleh, don’ tell meh what I ‘ave teh do, doll. I wanted teh do this fer yeh. Once yeh started comin’ ‘ome with that stupid grin on yer face everyday, I knew this wasn’t jus’ a regular relationship. I can tell ‘ow much yeh like ‘er jus’ by the way yeh say ‘er name.”

“Well, I don’ ‘ave a way of getting’ it the ‘er. ‘M leavin’ righ’ now.”

“Why don’ yeh just write ‘er a letter ‘n leave it with the ticket? I’ll find some way teh get it teh ‘er.”

I nodded quickly as Lynn handed me a piece of paper and a pen. I couldn’t think of anything to write. I knew that if I explained where I was going, or why I was going, she’d completely dismiss the whole ticket. I had to make her wonder so she’d follow.

I quickly scribbled one sentence on the white scrap of paper before dropping the pen on the table. I looked up to see my Aunt Lynn with the saddest expression I’d yet to see on her face. She quickly covered her mouth with both hands and sucked in a deep breath of air as tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

“Oi Lynn. I love yeh. Thank yeh so much. Yeh’ve really done a lot fer meh since I’ve been ‘ere. I promise I’ll visit yeh, alrigh’?”

“Alrigh’ love. I’ll be seein’ yeh soon.”

I quickly made my way out the front door and dashed down the steps. I let myself into the car and ignored Mark’s comment about me being too slow.

The radio was the only thing accompanying us on our way to the airport. Although, once we arrived, Mark made sure I had my ticket in my pocket, he handed me both my suitcases and gave me a quick hug. He wasn’t one for big sob scenes at airports. They made him uneasy.

So, I was left by myself to find my gate and board my plane. Which wasn’t too difficult. Although, I almost lost my cool a couple of times, just happening to stumble upon about three or four girls who looked exactly like Sam.

I figured it was just a figment of my imagination. I felt like I was running from something, or I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I knew that not telling Sam I was leaving wasn’t going to be okay. Her birthday was today for fuck’s sake.

I couldn’t leave her a note or let her know I was leaving, because if she finds out why I’m leaving before I do end up leaving, she’s not going to come after me.

Not telling here where I was going is the only way I could think of keeping her on her toes. Sam was an extremely curious person, always having to find a reason behind something, and she’d have to follow me to find out my reasoning for leaving her.

Which doesn’t excuse the fact that I feel like a major twat leaving her behind. If I were to choose one thing that I wish I’d never done, it would be this.

Now I’m just another person who’s abandoned Sam. She’s going to have a hard time seeing me differently, and I have this huge doubt in the back of my mind she won’t get on the plane to Sheffield unless she’s pushed into one of the seats, even then she’ll be kicking and screaming.

“Flight 38 to Sheffield, England is now boarding. Flight 38 is now boarding.”

I picked my bags once again and shuffled my way over to the gate where my ticket was checked, along with my bags, and my pockets. Once I made it through security, I proceeded to loop my belt back onto my pants, readjust my sweatshirt and grab my suitcases.

I went through the long tunnel to get to the door of the airplane. Once inside the airplane, I realized just how cold it was and I was extremely thankful I was smart enough to wrap myself in a jacket before I left the house.

I stuck my clothes in the stow-away compartment and took my seat. I plugged my headphones into my iPod and leaned my head against the seat, the sinking feeling in my stomach returning once again.

I couldn’t put to rest the guilt that was slowly eating me from the inside out. I felt it gnawing at my conscience as I tried to get comfortable. I knew that leaving Sam alone wasn’t a good thing. I knew that in every way possible. And without a note or a simple good bye was even worse.

She was left with no explanation. No why, no how. And I didn’t even know that if I was given enough time to do so if I could tell her something worthwhile.

I didn’t show up in the States to fall down at my knees for a girl that didn't want a thing to do with me when she first met me. I showed up here because I fucked up back home and I needed to get away from all of the screaming, yelling, and fighting.

I ended up running into a big mess. A huge, broken, fucked up, sad mess named Sam. She changed the way I saw things. I’d never been one to care about one girl in particular. I’ve always been one to generally give a shit, but not like I gave a shit about Sam.

Call it love, call it being courteous. But, there is just something about Sam that I, for the life of me, cannot seem to place a finger on.

It’s like she’s got this rope wrapped around my neck, and every time I take one step closer to her, she tightens it, afraid I’ll open my mouth and spit back the things she’s telling me.

I finally get Sam to let me in, and I leave, shutting myself out.

Lynn best have a good idea for getting her to fly all the way to Sheffield for someone who’s treated her just like everyone else in her life has.