We've Learned to Run from Anything Uncomfortable

Thursday, May 19th

I walked away quickly from the wonderful station wagon that brought me to school yet again and made my way inside. I sat down in the cafeteria and pulled out some books and pens, getting to work on a few assignments I had due soon.

“That book was absoluteleh the most boring thing I’ve read in my entire life!” Oli said, smacking Looking For Alaska on the table, “The main characteh, Pudge, is teh biggest wanka eva! Not to mention, there is no way in 'ell that I would let some girl blow me after another girl had to teach her 'ow to suck someone off wiff a tube of toothpaste!”

He sat down, exasperated and ran a hand through his hair, getting his fingers caught in knots. His hazel eyes caught up with mine as a grin spread across his little boy face.

A smile broke across my lips as a slight chuckle sounded from my mouth.

“Wha'?"

"You completely missed the entire point of the book, Oli."

"Wha' point!?" He shouted.

"He lived off of last words and he found what he was looking for at the end of the book."

"And wha' was that? A lost love and a shitty blow job?"

"No!" I smiled at his one track mind, "The Great Perhaps."

"Wha'eva. I am neva reading a book from your lockeh again. Tha' was torture."

"You were the one that insisted you had to read it." I smiled, pulling the book towards me and flipping through it, finding the page I was looking for, "Didn't this line at least make you think a little bit? When adults say, 'teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are."

I put the book down to see Oli's bottom lip in his peculiar pout, concentrating on what he was going to say next.

"Do yeh think yeh're invincible?" He asked.

I pondered the thought, "Yeah. I do."

"Oh realleh Doll. And why is that?"

"Because I refuse to let people get to me anymore."

"Closin' people off and refusin' to speak to them doesn't mean yeh're invincible Sam."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeh think that jus cause you ignore everyone and yeh don't get close to anyone, they don't talk about yeh? Everywhere I go in this school, I'm bein' told not to try and make friends with tha' Sam girl because she won' let yeh in. I'm tryin' ta ignore 'em best I can, but yer on the fast track to provin' 'em righ'."

I sat there, looking at Oli. Admiring the gorgeous green color of his eyes, the perfect swoop of his brown hair, the serious look on his face thrown off by his playful boyish face and my eyes started to water.

"You don't even know." I said, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

"I'm told tha' alot. Yeh ain't the first gal to try and push me away, trust meh. But, if yeh tell meh, I'll know."

I shook my head slightly, "You wouldn't understand."

"Now tha'." He said, slapping his hand on the table, "I neva make it past 'Yeh don' even know' I usualleh would 'ave given up by now. But, I realleh 'ave taken a likin' ta yeh Sam. And it'd be nice to 'ave one friend 'ere."

"There are tons of people who would like to be your friend Oli. I'm not one of them."

"I think maybeh tha's why I'm so drawn ta yeh Sam. Yeh don' get fooled by meh hair, meh tattoos, and meh image. But, yer gettin' fooled by the cocky ass'ole attitude you thought I'd 'ave." He paused, leaning forward until I looked up at him, "An' I don' 'ave it. Will yeh please give meh a chance? I ain't tha' bad."

"I didn't say-"

"I mean, sometimes I talk too much an' I interrupt people. I come on a lil' strong at first, an' I don' always listen, but I'm not a bad dude."

"I don't think your a bad dude." I sighed, "I just don't like to.."

"Trust people? Give people a chance?"

"Yeah. I've been hurt a lot in the past."

"The past is the past."

"Not when your living it."

"Livin' it?"

"Everyday I have to go home to someone else's house, with someone else's things. Its not mine. They don't belong to me. Nothing belongs to me. And that's just a reminder that my parents aren't my parents anymore."

"What do yeh mean annehmore?"

I quickly realized that I had said way too much. I gathered all my books and stuffed them in my bag, standing up to make my way to my first class.

"Sam!" Oli yelled, following me, "Did I say somethin' wrong?"

"No."

"Then what the 'ell are yeh doin'?"

"Going to class."

"I was talkin' teh yeh!"

"Well, I am done talking." I said, stopping at my locker and turning around to face him.

He pushed my up against my locker, only centimeters away from my face. He breathed heavily, the scent of spearmint and smoke swirled in my face as he looked straight into my eyes.

"Why are yeh runnin' from me?"

"I don't want to answer your question."

"Which one?"

"The one you asked me earlier."

"About your parents not bein' yours annehmore?"

I nodded softly, biting my lip to keep tears in my eyes, "Yeah."

"Then tha's all yeh had ta say." He said, stepping back and readjusting his jacket.

"I'm sorry."

"For wha'?"

"Nothing. Nevermind. I'll talk to you later, okay?" I said, walking off.

"Oi Sam! Can yeh wait a sec?"

I stopped and turned around to face Oli.

"I was wonderin' maybeh, if yeh'd like ta come hang out with meh todeh, like yeh promised. I read yer book 'n' all.." He said, sticking his hands in his sweatshirt pocket and looking down at his torn sneakers.

"I would, but I think I have a doctor's appointment after school today."

"Oh. Alrigh'." He muttered, walking off. He didn't believe my little white lie one bit.

And to be completely honest, I didn't blame him.

I changed direction and started back towards my next class like I had before, this time with a chip in my shoulder and my lie hanging above me like a raining cloud.

I sat down in Science, literally throwing my books at the table in a small rage. I was disappointed in myself. Here I was, with someone trailing at my heels, not so different from Bree, (besides the fact that he was of the male variety), and I was pushing him away as well.

“Ooh, the foster kid’s having a bad day.” Bree said, sitting down next to me.

“What do you want?” I mumbled.

“Nothing.” She grinned, “You still working on getting rid of Oliver?”

“Its Oli. And that’s none of your damn business.”

“You know Sam, I’ve always been nice to you. I really don’t think you’ve any right to treat me like this.”

“Yeah, well I don’t think you have any right butting in my social life. So you’d better get out before I decide to kick you out, alright?”

She smiled and walked away.

My fingers shook with rage and irritation took over every emotion in my body.

I was irritated because Bree refused to stay the fuck out of my business.

I was irritated because she knew exactly how I operated.

I was irritated because I let myself lie to Oli.

But mostly, I was irritated because not only was I set on disappointing myself, I had also started in on disappointing other people too.