The Night Watchmen

When you die in a dream do you wake up? Or do you die in real life? Right now, without the watchman, I am hoping for the latter choice.. I cant remember how long its been since I have seen him. When I sleep all I see, hear, and feel is pain. When I am awake all I wonder is: where is he? or Why has he not come? and when will he be back? It has come to a point to where all I know and am sure of in life is pain. Pain and the fact that it wont stop. That is until he returns.

When all you know is pain, something other than pain feels unbelievable. Tonight when I slept, I did not dream per-say. I was in a state where I did not see and I did not hear i only felt. I felt only a peace. An inner peace. A peace that made me realize that he was going to return.

It happend not the next night but that night following that night. As I fell gently asleep, I drifted into the distantly familiar moor at dusk. I look to the hill top where I first sighted him and to my own dismay I did not see the watchman that I knew. What I saw was the watchman, but he was changed. When I came close to him, he looked gaunt and distant. His mouth no longer smiling. When he looked at me I saw that he knew what I had felt. I could see that he had felt everything that I felt. He looked remorseful. When i reached out and I touched his hand, he flinched like a child afraid of being disciplined. Than he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry, I am sorry that I let you down and I was not there for you. If you must know why I was absent, I was frightened. Frightened of what we had become. I have lived for a long time and i have been many people's guardians, but I have never felt so attached as I do to you. I thought that if I took myself out of your dreams, you would eventually forget about me. What I did not know is the impact made on a person's dreams without their guardian. And as my punishment for what I had done I felt everything you felt. Your pain on top of the pain I already felt without you."

As I looked at him after he had finished speaking. I could see the sincerity in his unblinking eyes. I said to him "Now that you have returned, I care not that you had left. When you were gone, I never feared that you were not going to come back. In my heart I knew that you were. I believe that our connection is on a deeper level than either of us first thought. I always know when you are near, whether you wish to be known or not." "And I always know when you are in need of somebody to care for you. I must have you know now that I will never again leave you. I promise."

We sat in the moor longer than ever before. I sat in his arms most of the time not talking. Words did not need to be used to express the happiness we both felt just sitting there. I only thought of him and of his promise.

"Why is it, that only when I am here with you that I know your name?"
"Because, when you are asleep you experience only your deepest feelings and you think your deepest thoughts. You admit that we are deeply connected; a name is only a small detail and therefore you only know it deeply within you where you can only reach in dreams." For a few moments longer I sat and think on what he had said.

When I awoke, I once again could not remember his name and now that I know why I was able to accept it. I felt more rested than I had while the watchman was away. Now my only problem was that It was now day and I could not spend it with my watchman.