Somewhere We Went Wrong

I sat on my bedroom floor, crying like a baby. Fuck, could my life get anymore screwed up? Not only was Nick cheating on me kissing on some chick, that chick just had to be my best friend. Maybe if she was ugly and I had no idea who she was I wouldn’t be mad lie this. Naw, I’d still be pissed. For him to kiss someone like that. Since he left New Jersey I hadn’t kissed not one person. What was the point if that spark wasn’t there? Meaningless.

I heard Miley coming in but I didn’t change my position. I stayed staring at the wall, a tissue crumpled in my hand and a pillow hugged to me. ‘Seven years’ was the song currently playing.

“Damn, Kyle. Babe, c’mon.” She sat besde me, hugging me. I didn’t move, just let her drag me. “You can’t sit around here and blame yourself.”

I sighed and sat up, “I am not blaming myself. I’m throwing a pity party with me and my FML playlist.” I corrected her lifting my chin.

“That’s pitiful.” She told me straight up.

“What do you want Miley? Seriously, what do you want from me?” I asked, growing angry.

“Look, I thought you trying to win him back was a good idea. But look what it’s doing. You’re tearing yourself apart, Ducky.”

I stayed quiet and thought on her words. I mean, what haveI turned into. A whining, self pitying, blubbery mess. I let him tear down what I’ve always been. Strong. Now I felt sick.

Fuck this.

“Miley I’ll catch you later.” I got off the ground and escorted her out of the room.

“Ducky what the-“

“Later.” I nodded and closed my door. No more of this moping. I’m going out tonight.

&Somewhere

“C’mon we have to leave!” Miranda squealed, excited about finally going out. I had to be ready though. Nicholas had hurt me and I haven’t been out since. Sad, I know. But I had to ready myself. I know it’s like what the fuck, how could I forgive Miranda? Well, she didn’t know. I never told Miranda I loved Nick. She didn’t know my secrets. She didn’t know I was still in love with him. She had no idea what shit I’m going through with him. Plus, I needed Miranda. I was in this funk only she could get rid of in the best way she knows how.

What is there to say? So I tried to put out Nick’s flames of anger with retaliating in love. Evidently it hasn’t worked because he just isn’t giving a shit. He still hates me. He still does his own thing. He still lives his life without me like nothing’s changed, when in truth, it all has.

“Hold on! I’ll be down in a minute!” I yelled downstairs where she was. With a deep breath I went into my closet, digging out the little wooden box. With unsteady hands I picked up the locket, the last thing from Nicholas. I managed to clasp it and took a deep breath at the lame accomplishment.

“Here we go, Kyle.” I told myself, leaving my room.

&Kyle

I knew I shouldn’t have done it. The first drink was for kicks. So was the second. But the ones after were pure fun and need for the burden free high they gave me. With a drink in my hand I danced with a gray eyed cutie while ‘Good Girls Go Bad’ played. I sang along while I grinded into him.

And that was just the start.

I woke up the next morning with the worst headache I’ve ever had.

“Shhhiiiittt.” I whined, rolling over but soon knowing it was a mistake. My stomach felt like it was about to burst. I felt the vomit coming up and I ran to my bathroom, barely getting there in time.

“Fuck,” I cursed once I was done. My hands were trembling and my eyes watered like they did everytime I threw up. When I looked in the mirror I reminded myself of a cracked out hooker. My eyeliner was smeared along with my red lipstick. My hair was matted and my shirt was lopsided on me. Damn, was all I could think.

I took a shower to wash away the funk while my headache pounded in my skull. Changing into a tee shirt and boxers I took some Advil. And just as I was going to sleep, I feel a damn teddy bear thrown at my head.

“Fuck off, Reese.” I told her, not caring if my language was bad.

“You’d love that huh? So you can get over that nasty little hangover you got.” She teased vicously.

“Yes so how ‘bout you leave.”

“No. Look, Party girl.”

I cracked one eye open to see her laptop. Leaning my head forward I saw she was on OceanUp. Oh hey, it was me!

…Partying like a maniac. I looked at all the pictures not really caring, just wanting her to state her point.

“You’re fucking sixteen, Kay. And here you spend the night like some thirty something drunk.” Her gaze penetrated me. I looked down, sighing.

“I just wanted out. To just be able to forget how pitiful my whole situation was.” I confessed, sitting up and hugging the teddy bear to my chest.

“So why would you go out with Miranda? Didn’t you catch her with Nick?” Renee asked, confused.

“I never told her about him.” I shrugged.

“She’s…trouble, Kay. Seriously.”

“She helped me forget, okay? That’s all I want is to forget.” I stated, getting mad.

“Whatever.” She said, “Do what you want. I was just trying to help.” With that, my older sister got up and left my room to myself.

Although she didn’t approve, last night was fantastic. I, thankfully, remembered it. I danced, I laughed, I…drank. Feeling like nothing was wrong was bliss.

I was numb when I was in the middle of a dance floor with a random guy.
Nick hating me didn’t seem so bad. Kevin not talking to me wasn’t so harsh. Miranda making out with him was like an old rumor. And this hangover was just a small price to pay. Yeah, I could get used to being numb.