Your Guardian Angel

And now that I am strong I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I’ll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I woke up and got dressed for school painfully, Kenneth had dressed my wounds as best as he could the night before. I found strength in the pain like I always did, my mother left me in this hell on my own so I would bare it but I would never have to bare it on my own no matter how much I wished I could. Dragging Kenneth into this had been a mistake from the off but making him leave was so much harder. I pulled on my sweater and jeans and hobbled my way down the stairs my ankle still sprained and a little swollen from last nights attack.

I stumbled into the kitchen knowing that my dad was either passed out in his room oblivious to my wandering around the house. Or he was passed out behind the wheel of his car seriously injured because of a mixture of his drink driving and a bad run of karma. I in my own little personal bubble was hoping for the latter to be true but I knew life would only ever be as good to me as to give me the only real friend I had ever had in Kenneth.

I walked out of the house forcing my limp away so as not to give Kenneth a reason to give me the sympathetic look I knew he would shoot me if he noticed. I made my way across the lawn towards Kenneth’s car where he was lying across the bonnet reading his A2 Psychology and Sociology course book. I walked up to him patting him on the shoulder before climbing into the passenger seat. He rolled off the bonnet of the car and onto his feet before climbing into the drivers side and throwing his back pack into the back seat. I smiled as he scanned me over.

“I noticed you trying to hide the limp will you please learn that you can not hide this kind of shit from me anymore?” Kenneth said his voice full of anger as he looked towards my house. I followed his gaze and saw my father standing at the front door a cigarette held between his lips and a carefully controlled sneer placed on his face. I put my hand on Kenneth’s lap and squeezed lightly.

“Please Kenneth just drive,” I whimpered my voice weak with fear as my father’s eyes locked with mine. I looked away and made my attempt to find one of my favourite Cd’s in the glove compartment of Kenneth’s car. I wouldn’t let his icy death stares get to me, school was my break from the abuse it was my safe haven. No one could touch me at school. When I was in my A2 classes my father and his abuse became a distant memory almost like a nightmare that would be forgotten by the next morning. Unlucky for me that it was real and that it was the reason the only person my heart wasn’t a complete block of ice to was Kenneth.

“Okay look at school people are going to notice the black eye. The teachers are getting suspicious they aren’t going to take the excuses this time Tori I don’t know why your holding out on this. It could be the end to your suffering. If you tell them your dad can be arrested and then you can get your own place. I would even move in with you he wouldn’t be able to touch you again.” Kenneth sighed as he pulled into a parking space at our school. I just grimaced down at my scruffy converse that were on my feet.

“Kenneth now just isn’t the time please just drop it,” I whispered getting out of his car and making my towards our Sixth form entrance. I could feel his eyes on my back I knew he was going to shout something that would turn heads but I didn’t care heads were already turning because of the black eye I was sporting and the way I was limping. I was injured, no one cared they weren’t worried they just wanted the gossip.

“Victoria damn it I’m worried about you its going to kill you if you don’t do some thing to stop this!” Kenneth shouted from his spot in the loft. I turned and looked at him a single tear sliding down my face. I never wore make up in school anymore I spent to much time crying because of the pain or because of the hurtful taunts from my peers.

“Well maybe it’s better off that way! Anything is better than here…anything is better than that hell hole and you know it!” I screamed at him before walking into the building wiping away the tears that were steadily falling down my face. I knew that Kenneth would follow me in to school and apologise this always happened the day after he hurt me. Kenneth would be so protective over me, sometimes I would wonder how he really felt about me. Was I his everyday good deed? Or did he love me? But it couldn’t be either of those it was purely what it seemed to be best friends, just friends.

“Tori wait up I didn’t mean that…well I did but I could have been nicer about it. I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of seeing you get hurt. I’m tired of having to patch you up. One day he’s going to do damage that I’m not going to be able to save you from and I just don’t want to loose my best friend. You get that right?” He breathed his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. I hadn’t realised I had been moving that fast. I nodded my head. Kenneth reached out and pulled me into his arms his tall frame making my head rest right above his heart. I could hear his heart hammering and I looked up to see his reddish brown hair falling into his brown almost black eyes and it felt like home. Our hug was interrupted when someone walked straight into us. I stumbled a little but Kenneth kept me on my feet. I looked to see Hazel glaring at us.

“Oh hey Kenny I didn’t see you there you were being suffocated by a fat blob of freak,” She hissed. I glared at her and tried to pull away from Kenneth but he kept me there in his arms. I carried on glaring at her waiting until Kenneth wouldn’t be paying any attention so I could give the repulsive she whore a swift kick.

“It’s Kenneth. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about my girlfriend like that she is one thousand times more prettier than you could ever be Hazel,” Kenneth glowered down at the petite girl and my head swung around to look at him. ‘Did he just say what I thought he said? Did he really just say that I’m his girlfriend?’ I thought with a little glimmer of hope as I sneered at Hazel.

“Did you just say what I think you said? Did you honestly just say that this thing is your girlfriend? Oh man Kenny you could do so much better you should be with me!” Hazel screeched indignation clear in her voice as she eyed the way he pulled me around and pressed the front of my body against his in an intimate embrace. I smiled up at him and he smiled back.

“You heard him his name is Kenneth and why don’t you go back on your way to giving that teacher of your that help with his display boards,” I said with a wink at my biggest enemy in school. I knew that Kenneth was holding back a snigger. Everyone in the school knew that Hazel Smith was doing sexual favours for her English teacher in order for a slightly higher grade than the one she was getting. How we all know you ask? Because she copies my papers word for word and I only get a B where as she gets an A.

Without saying another word Hazel stormed off in a huff and on her way to Mr Rowling’s class room. I sniggered and looked up at Kenneth who was smiling down at me adorably. I pulled out of his arms and started to get confused. I was letting to many of my emotions for him show and I didn’t like it. Kenneth was not allowed to know that I was practically in love with him it just couldn’t work we were best friends, hoping did nothing but cause pain. And I of all people knew first hand what pain could do both emotional and physical.

“Kenneth am I really your girlfriend or was that just to get Hazel to leave me alone?” I whispered trying to keep my voice from cracking. I knew he would know how I felt about him eventually I just hoped it would be after I had gotten up enough courage to do something about my abusive father and the shit life that I had been leading since before he had even arrived in this city.

“Of course I meant it no guy would stick around this long in what you are going through and do what I have done if they didn’t love that girl. Hell Tori I love you how could you not see that?” Kenneth said softly pulling me into him again. I smiled into his chest and pulled away again.

“I love you to Kenneth. I am so thankful I have you in my life to save me,” I muttered the last part before intertwining our fingers and walking into the common room a new found confidence in myself built up inside of me. People didn’t pay us much attention it was a pretty accepted thought for people that we were already together and just kept it on the down low. We sat down in our usual corner in silence waiting for the drama to start. Like every morning Hazel would walk in and try and cause some kind of drama to get me away from Kenneth and she would always fail because everyone knew where I went Kenneth went with me.

“You’re the one, I just wish you would do something about this it can’t keep going on and you know it Tori,” Kenneth sighed as he pulled me into his side and hugged me. I pulled away and gave him the look I would give him every time he brought up the subject of my father. He looked away knowing exactly why I was giving him the look, I didn’t like to talk about the issue with my father at either of our homes when we were alone but I specifically hated talking about it at school in front of people I didn’t want anyone to know. Sometimes I wished I could even turn back time to see if I could stop Kenneth from finding out.

“Kenneth I’ll sort it out in my own time it isn’t as bad as it looks,” I whispered trying to down play the damage my father caused me every month or so. I looked up at him andd he was frowning at me intently and I knew he was going to argue the point more but just then his younger sister Alyssa walked over and sat beside us. She was in the year below and often came and sat with us until her friends arrived. She didn’t like hanging out with us to much because we were what she called losers but it was better in her mind to sit with us and wait than sit alone and be a loner.

“Morning Alyssa how are you today?” I asked kindly as she took in the protective hold Kenneth had on me and the way our hands were linked together between us. She smirked and nodded at the linked hands and then did a little victory air punch. Kenneth laughed and hugged me closer it hurt my ribs to laugh but I didn’t flinch or let my pain show because like the rest of the school Alyssa didn’t know what went on behind the closed doors of my home next door to her.

“I’m good and even better for seeing this. Its about time that you to idiots finally got it together I’ve only been waiting for this moment since we moved here,” she giggled excitedly before giving me a soft hug and then clapping her brother on the back. Her grin widening even more though at that time I didn’t think it could have ever been more possible than it was.

“Yeah Alyssa it’s taken a while but can you keep it on the down low?” Kenneth said giving his sister a meaningful look and shooting me a side glance that he didn’t think I had noticed. It eventually clicked into place the way Alyssa always treated me when she touched me or hugged me the way she would give me a sympathetic and stop her friends from giving me a hard time.

“You told her!” I turned and hissed at Kenneth. I was beyond angry at him for this. No one was meant to know about what my father did to me, it would only ever make it worse but clearly Kenneth didn’t understand that part. I glared at him and pulled out of his embrace standing up in front of him doing my best to ignore the pain in my body and not let it show. “I trusted you not to tell anyone and you told her Kenneth I fucking trusted you to keep quiet! Clearly I shouldn’t have!” I yelled and the conversation in the room suddenly died and all eyes were swivelled to the spectacle that was fast becoming Kenneth and I.

“Yes I told her Victoria how could I not do you know how much it fucking hurts to see this happen over and over again to be the one to pick up the fucking pieces and patch over the fucking cracks every time you get hurt again?” He shouted back his eyes hard and filled with confusion and love and also hurt. I swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat.

I turned away as I said what I said next I knew it was a lie but I needed to believe it. “He doesn’t mean it he’ll realise what he’s doing eventually and he’ll stop. He loves me,” I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek. Kenneth scoffed and then stepped forward and pulled me into a hug.

“You know that isn’t true honey as much as you want to believe it. I’m hear for you and so is Alyssa we’re always going to keep you safe,” Kenneth whispered in my ear as people in the room started to murmur and try and work out what we were talking about and what on earth was going on in my life outside of school that could be possibly causing such and out burst between the two of us and also draw Alyssa into our strange little off cut grouping.