Hanging By a Moment

After the success of the night, the adults decided to go out and experience the New York night life, and my Grandparents had also agreed to babysit Frankie over at the hotel, leaving us to have the house to ourselves.

I was sat on my bed with Nick as Joe waltzed into the room, his pyjama bottoms on and a towel thrown over his top half, “Look, I have a Roman toga!” He grinned, and then made what he obviously thought was a ‘roman’ sort of pose.

I choked a laugh and shook my head at him, and he grinned and dropped the towel on the floor then joined us on the bed. After a while of chatting, Julia appeared in the doorway waving Nick’s phone. He raised his eyebrows and checked his pockets, as if reassuring himself that the phone that Julia was holding wasn’t, in fact, a hoax phone created to trick him.

“Kevin just called,” she announced, “they’ll be home soon with the pizza, so Joseph get some clothes on because we have to go and get sweets and a movie!” She ordered, and then tossed the phone to Nick, who caught it easily.

“Anything for you my love,” He replied, and then stepped towards her and wrapped her in a hug, burying her face in his chest. When she looked up, he lowered his face to touch her lips softly, and then her lips parted and Nick and I squirmed as his tongue slipped into her mouth. I picked up a pillow and launched it at them.

“Get a room!” I giggled, and they both stuck their tongues out at us before retreating from my room. I sighed happily and leaned against Nick; it felt as if a rainy cloud had been plucked straight from the sky and replaced with a scorching sun whenever I was with him; I couldn’t remember ever being so happy with anyone. I felt a girlish giggle rising in my throat as he played with my hair and kissed any bare skin he could find.

The sound of his steady breathing, and the beating of his heart, was more alluring to me than the voice of any of my favourite singers, or any melody that could be created on any instrument. When he held me, it felt as if everything was right in the world, and I couldn’t explain why, I just knew that with him, I was in love, and a voice inside me was telling me that I’d never feel this way with anyone else; it was as if he was made for me.

I was almost disappointed when he spoke, and broke the calming silence that had fallen between us. “Can I ask you something?” His voice was barely a whisper, as if he was regretting breaking our moment, but couldn’t hold it in much longer. I nodded, and twisted round to look at him, causing my hair to pull out of his grip, so he dropped his hand down onto his lap, “its stupid anyway, forget it,”

“No, ask me.” I smiled, “Seriously Nicholas, you’ve dated Poppy and you’re celebrity crush is Miley Cyrus; I don’t think anything else you can say or do will be more stupid.”

He glared at me jokingly and then sighed, “Fine,” He went quiet for a moment, and I waited until he finally spoke, “Do you believe in destiny?”

I blinked, “Urm, yeah I guess?” I twisted even further, and twirled a stray curl around my finger, and then watched it bounce back into place in front of his eye when I let go, “Why do you ask?”

He shrugged, “I think you’re my destiny,” My eyes widened as he said it, and he gave me an embarrassed half smile before he carried on, “It’s like nothing goes right unless you’re there, and if you’re not there I don’t know what do. Without you, I’d have nothing to sing about. You make me everything I’m supposed to be.”

I blushed, suddenly feeling like I was sat beside a furnace. His perfect features had a red tinge to them now too. I looked down at my hands as I played with them; a trait I often showed whenever I was nervous, “I don’t believe that,”

“I do,” He said, taking my face in his hands. He ran his thumb down my cheek as I looked him straight in the eye, “Everything that happened tonight? That wouldn’t have happened without you. You give me something to sing about, you’re like my own little hammer that knocks down writers block,” I felt it getting harder for my lungs to work as he spoke, and finally he grinned and the air whooshed out of me, “I love you,” He said simply, and then pressed his lips to mine.

“I love you too,” I whispered, catching my breath as I lent my forehead against his. As we sat, the doorbell went downstairs and I sighed, “I should get that,” I announced, and then pushed myself up off of the bed.

It was as if I was floating on a cloud as I descended the stairs, and I certainly couldn’t remember ever being this happy before. When I opened the door I grinned wider as I saw Toby stood on the doorstep, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his tight, black jeans. “Hey, you!” I smiled.

“Hello beautiful!” He grinned, and I blushed at the comment as he pulled something out of his pockets. I recognised my camera, and he dropped it into my hand, “I forgot to give it back to you earlier,”

“Oh thank you so much!” I replied, turning the camera over in my hands, “But you could have waited! You didn’t have to bring it over here,”

He shrugged, “I know, but I wanted an excuse to come over, I’ve got some news for you!” He smiled, and I remained silent, waiting for him to continue, “Well I remember you saying a while ago that you wanted a job once you’ve settled in, and I’ve been talking to my Dad, and...Well he said if you want it, there’s a job at the store for you,”

I gasped, “Are you serious?!” I asked and he nodded, “Thank you so much!” He shrugged in a ‘no problem’ sort of way, and then turned to walk away, kicking some of the gravel under his feet as he did so, “Oh, and I finally thought up a new name for the band!” I grinned, “Explosion in September,” He pulled a face which I took to mean that he liked it as he nodded at the same time. “I wanted you to keep your TNT roots, and also we met in September so...” I grinned.

“I like it,” He smiled, and I grinned and then hugged him.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked, “We’ve got pizza! Or we will have, as soon as Kevin and Danielle get back,” I shook my head and smirked, “And movies, and guitar hero!” I saw his eyes lit up as I mentioned the last thing, but he shook his head.

“No it’s fine,” He answered, “Enjoy your time with your friends, and I’ll see you on Monday,”

I frowned, “Okay then, bye!” He waved at me, and then turned and walked away down the driveway. As he reached the end, Kevin and Danielle turned into it; Kevin high-fived him and then continued towards the door where I stood. “HEY TOBY?” I called out and he spun round, “Are we still on for homecoming?” I asked and he smiled, but shock was still evident in his response.

“Sure!” He replied, and then waved again and disappeared from my view.

Kevin draped his arm around my shoulders as he reached the door, and then walked with me into the house, “You’re all smiley, my lovely,”

“I’m happy,” I grinned.

“I’m glad to here that, you deserve it,” He smiled, and then pulled me into a hug, “Have Joe and Julia left yet?”

I nodded, “Not long after you, so they should be home soon,”

Kevin raised his eyebrows, “Ah, such wishful thinking Emma; you know Joseph, he will have stopped Julia at every place along the way to play with toy swords or juggle apples or something,” I giggled, and then pointed him in the direction of the kitchen where Danielle had just headed. I heard footsteps and glanced up to see Nick descending the stairs.

He opened his arms as he reached me and pulled me in tight against his chest. It was comforting; I felt safe in the knowledge that he was mine. “I felt lonely upstairs,” He admitted, “And I wanted to come say goodbye to Toby since I probably won’t see him before I leave, but I guess I was too late,”

I nodded, “Sorry,”

“Never mind,” He smiled, “Joe called, they’re not too far away so he said dish up the pizza,” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll go set up guitar hero,” He said and I nodded, and then ran off upstairs to get the game.

All of my Xbox games were at the end of my bookshelf, which was the highest shelf in my closet, and I had to reach up onto my tiptoes to retrieve anything. Today was no different; I stretched to try and grab the game and ended up knocking off something else. I cursed in pain as it hit my foot with its corner, and then I glanced down to see a little black book on the floor. I bent down to pick it up, and it fell open to a page towards the end.

I recognised Nick’s hand writing, and smiled at the name of the song; When You Look Me In The Eyes.

As I read over the lyrics, I felt tears welling in my eyes but I didn’t allow them to fall, instead I just kept reading, feeling my heart skip a beat after each line. As I was reading, I walked over to the bed and sat on the end. I grinned, and then squinted at the small note at the bottom.

For Poppy x

My eyes widened and I froze.

**

I don’t know how long I sat there. I just kept staring at that line at the end of the song; for Poppy x

The lyrics...they were obviously about love. But he told me he didn’t love her, he told me that every song he wrote was about me. I was his hammer against the writers block.

But here it was; a love song, quite clearly about her. Did he mean it when he told me he loved me, or was that a lie too, just like the lie he told me when he said he didn’t love her? Maybe he still loved her and he was just using me as a rebound?

I felt tears spill over my eyes and then roll down my cheeks, and then fury rose inside me at letting myself get upset over him, and at letting myself fall so hard and fast over him. Who had I been kidding; I was his best friend and nothing more, he didn’t want me. I could see that now.

Before I could stop myself, I’d launched the little book across the room, and was sat with my head in my hands, tears falling hard and fast.

“I’ve set it all up, but there’s not much else I can do without the game, darling,” I heard Nick’s voice say as my bedroom door opened, but I couldn’t bring myself to look up. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, knowing that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him. “Emma?” He said, but I still ignored him. I heard him across the room and then kneel down in front of me. He pulled my hands away from my eyes and looked at me, “What’s wrong?”

“Get off me!” I snapped, pulling out of his grasp.

He looked shocked, hurt even (although I couldn’t understand why), and then he stood up straight but didn’t step away from me. I pushed myself up off of the bed and then reached down to pick up the book. I turned to face him, holding the book towards him, “I found this, I must have picked it up by accident,” I said.

He took it off me but didn’t even look at me, “Emma, tell me what’s wrong, please,” There was an air of begging in his tone, and he reached out to grasp each of my arms in his strong hands. I pulled away and grabbed the book back, flipped to the page, and then thrust it back at him. He glanced down at it, and then cursed under his breath, “Emma-”

“No you don’t have to explain,” I replied, fresh tears rolling over my eyes as I battled to keep my voice steady, “I get it, okay? You love Poppy, and you’re not over her, and you just wanted a distraction.” I nodded and ran a hand through my hair as an attempt to calm myself. “Yeah I understand.”

“Emma you don’t understand anything,” Nick sighed, “I don’t love Poppy, I never loved Poppy-”

“This song begs to differ,” I snapped, “Everything you said to me Nick, it was all a lie. You love Poppy, you wrote a song about her-”

“I wasn’t even thinking about Poppy when I wrote that,” He said, stepping closer to me. I opened my mouth to argue but he clamped a hand over my mouth, “I was telling myself I loved her and that’s why I signed it like that. I was trying to convince myself that I loved my own girlfriend, how bad is that?” He shook his head and then let his hand fall.

I was silent for a moment before I frowned, “Nick,” the pain in my voice shocked even me, and I saw Nick wince as I spoke, “I can’t do this. I can’t keep watching over my shoulder for someone else to catch your eye, I can’t keep finding silly little things like this that break my heart,” I shook my head, “Does it actually mean anything to you when you say love someone?”

“Yes,” He said it so simply that it took me by surprise, but I shook my head and carried on.

I bit my lip, “Nick, tell me one thing, do you love Poppy?”

“No.”

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, before exhaling and opening my eyes again, “Okay, do you love me?” He didn’t reply; instead he placed a hand on the small of my back and pulled me into him, and then pressed a kiss to my lips. I smiled against his mouth and when he pulled away he had a serious look on his face; I felt like a child in trouble.

“Yes, I love you Emma, more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life,” He shook his head, “If you believe nothing else then please believe that,”

“So why did you have to convince yourself that you were in love with Poppy?” I raised my voice again, and his sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. “Do you have to do the same with me?”

“Because I’ve been in love with the same fucking girl since I was six years old!” He yelled, and I felt the anger inside me suddenly whoosh out in a single breath, “And that girl is not Poppy, or another girl except the one that I’m looking at right now.” He shook his head, “When I was writing that song, you were the one I was thinking of, and then I felt so guilty that I ditched you and left you in the pool with Joe, and it was right after that that you two started seeing each other. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?” He demanded.

I shook my head, “Probably about the same amount as it did whenever I saw you with Poppy, or whenever you yelled at me and called me names, or the time when you decided you didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

He cupped my cheek his hand and looked me straight in the eye, “Emma, I did those things because I was heart broken over you and Joe, and I know that’s no excuse but please, please, don’t ever think I don’t love you because in this world, my feelings for you are the only thing I am sure.” I couldn’t respond, probably because I couldn’t think of a response good enough to that, instead I just allowed him to pull me into him again, and sunk into his embrace as he rested his chin on the top of my head. “We should go get pizza before Joe and Kevin devour it all,” He suggested, and I nodded in agreement, before allowing him to hold my hand and lead me from the room.

**

Every scrap of pizza was gone, and pretty much all of the sweet. Kevin and Joe had already been out to buy some Ben and Jerry’s, and now we were finished with our movies and playing on guitar hero.

“Okay then,” Julia yelled above the happy chatter, pushing herself up off of the couch using mine and Joe’s knees, “Boys versus girls!”

Joe laughed and nudged her, “We don’t have enough instruments, idiot,”

She imitated his response and then stuck her tongue out, “Boys go first, write down the score, and then the girls. Okay?” They accepted the challenge, and stood up to take their places; Joe taking the mic, Kevin the guitar, and Nick the drums, although there was no surprise there. They chose the song ‘One Way or Another’ by Blondie, and then cracked on, getting pretty much full points.

When it was our turn, I purposely knocked into Nick so that he fell onto the couch, and then Julia took the guitar off of him, whilst I took the mic off of Joe and Danielle took to the drums. Joe and Nick were muttering and giggling from their seats, and I snapped my head round to glare at them.

“What?!” I demanded.

“Darling, you singing?” Joe shook his head and then high-fived his younger brother, “We’ve so got this one in the bag,”

We all fixed them with glares, but before we could retort, Kevin hit ‘start’ on the controller and the first guitar note and drums kicked in. Once the lyrics came on I started dancing around the room, ending up back to back with Julia as she threw out some kickass guitar moves. When the guitar solo kicked in I bent over so that my hair fell forward over my face, and then shook my head so that my long hair spun round in circles, before jumping and swinging back into the song.

Julia and I ended the song back to back again, and then we waited eagerly for the score to rise on the screen, screaming and jumping around with Danielle as we released we had beaten the boys.

“BOOYA!” We all shouted together, high-fiving, as Nick grabbed me around the waist, “See that boy? I’m a better rock star than you.”

He grinned and kissed my cheek, “Apparently so, but don’t get too caught up in the rock-star image,” He said, “Always and forever,” He whispered in my ear.

I raised my eyebrows at him and then planted a quick kiss on his lips, “Who are we? Nathan and Haley?” I joked, and then rolled my eyes at his confused look, “Oh come on, stop pretending you don’t like One Tree Hill!”

He glared at me as his brothers began making mocking noises towards him, “Shut up,” He muttered and I giggled.

Everything was going to be just fine, I could feel it.