Cause of Death: Broken Heart
People Just Like You, I've Let Down Before
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can’t, I can’t pick up the pieces
I’ve thrown my words all around
But I can’t, I can’t give you a reason
I’ve never thought that I’d be the one to do what I’m about to do. I’ve always been the friend that’s been there when someone’s needed me to be, sometimes their last resort, kind of. I don’t have one of those, I thought I did, but, I, I ruined that. I told the one friend that they became someone I loved, someone I loved romantically, no longer platonically. That didn’t sit to well with him; he kind of stared at me, like I just told him I wanted him to die in the most horrible way possible. He stared at me for a few minutes before he even uttered a response, I wish he just kept staring at me; “I, you, that’s wrong.” He just turned and walked away, didn’t even glance back at me. I felt my heart burst into a million tiny pieces. I even yelled ‘sorry’ at his back as he walked away from me. I shouldn’t have, it didn’t mean anything, not after that.
I feel so broken up
And I give up
Just want to tell you so you know
I tried for so long after that day, pretending I never said anything, but he’d ignore me. I didn’t exist to him anymore. That hurt so much. He was the only person that would truly see me for me, know and get me when no one else could or would. He was there for me at my worst moments and some of my bests. We did everything together. We were inseparable, but no one seemed to notice the absence of the other after that day. Three agonizingly slow months brought me to where I am today. I’m not sure how or why I decided that this was what I wanted to do, but I was going to do it no matter what happened in the next hour—I tried to be happy; I failed at it a lot. I couldn’t handle the fact that I was now truly alone in this world that hated me. I do know that what I’m about to do, I should tell him—he has to know why. He may not approve, he never did like the idea. He’d probably hate me even more than he does now.
Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there’s just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
My room was left just how I left it this morning, clothes put away, bed made, my guitars placed neatly in their places, my room was organized--even if the rest of me wasn't. I'm not home, I couldn't do what I'm about to at home; my parents wouldn't know what to do. They'd probably try to stop me if they could. I can see his face, and I'm screaming at the top my lungs, as loud as I can make myself go, that I love him, I always have and I always will, even if he acts like I don't exist now. He's the only one for me, the only one I'll ever love like this, and I've ruined it. I always ruin good things for me. We’d been friends for about ten years now; it was bound to blow up at one point. I tried to talk to my mom about it once, I never tried again—she didn’t believe me. She told me it was a phase I was going through and that I’d wake up one day and it’d be over—it is, just not the way she imagined.
Made my mistakes let you down
And I can’t, I can’t hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can’t, I can’t get up when you’re gone
I tried so hard to apologize, to have him take me back as a friend--he wouldn't. He said he couldn't befriend someone like me, he didn't know me anymore. He did, I know he did, he was afraid that he'd fall for me too. He'd always known how I felt about dating, always knew. With so simple a statement, it cost everything we had. I can't live knowing I made myself alone, it's my fault my only friend and my only love hate me. I've been beating myself up about this for a while now, there's nothing left to beat anymore, my dignity died the moment I yelled 'sorry' after him; my hope died the day he told me we'd never be friends again--that was a month ago. I've avoided him, never going to our old haunts, knowing that by chance I'd see him there, I couldn't and wouldn't do that to myself. I can't handle it much anymore. I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried to get up every day and act like I’m alright, people never noticed how sad I was, I guess they never cared enough in the first place.
Something’s breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won’t walk out until you know
I forgot about the one thing I loved about this place, the view. My spot is secluded from the eyes of the bustling small city we lived in. Nice town in Jersey, no one ever knew where to find me--well one did. I can see his work from here, I can see him leaning on the counter, listening intently to a new record--you'll find out soon what I'm about to do. He'll know, and when he does, it'll be too late. I'll be gone, but he'll know, he'll know I quit. I made my choice and I’m going to stick with it, I’ve never backed down from a choice I’ve made and I won’t start now. No one will care if I do what I’m doing, no one will find out how I did it either, never. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve been dead the moment he walked away from me.
Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there’s just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
I can hear myself screaming inside my head again, how stupid I'm being, how much I want this, how this will make things better--I aimed for better. I continue yelling at myself in my head, arguing at which is better, to give up or keep going. I take in deep breaths, the smell of nature, I can’t hear any birds or anything but the cars down the bottom of the hill. It’s like they know something’s about to happen here. I look down to the road again; I see the delivery man carrying a large brown envelope into the store. I can see his reaction when he realizes it's for him—I’m sure he was expecting it to be for his boss. It’s a letter, a letter for him that explains everything. I don't watch after I see he's opened it and started reading--I start what I came here to finish.
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note
For you my only one
And I know
You can see right through me
So let me go
And you will find someone
'G: You already know you mean the world to me, there's nothing more I could say to you. I apologized endlessly for making things how they are, but know I'm truly sorry for what's happened. I lost you, my best friend, my one—my only. After you read this next statement, you're going to think about it for a moment to figure out what it means; I won't be here when you've finished reading my name at the bottom of this letter. I hope you thought about that for a moment, I mean it, I won't be here. Don't bother trying to tell me you love me now, that won't stop me, you'll be too late when you finally realize where I'm at. I saw you open this letter, but I didn't watch you finish it, I had to end this. I'm sorry, for everything. You'll live your life, find your one—your only, and I'll be happy for you--watching over. <3 Frankie'
I watch as my last breath leaves my body, it's so surreal watching me die. I can hear, smell and see everything still, I'm not sure if I can touch, I doubt it. I hear a distant calling of my name, 'Frank!' 'Frankie!' Whoever this is, they sure are frantic, like they're searching for me. I hear hurried footsteps, as whoever's approaching is running with all their might--it's him. "OH GOD NO!! FRANKIE!!!??" I watched as he rushed to my lifeless body and pulls it towards him and sobs. "You idiot! I called you fifty times this morning, no lie, I had to talk to you--I had to tell you something." I watched as he leant down and kissed my body's forehead. "Frankie, I, I know you're gone, you always stick to your mind, no matter what, I always loved that about you, it was one of the many things I loved about you. I'm not sure if you can hear me, but, I, I had to tell you, the past three months have been hell for me. I pushed away the only person to truly care for me; the only person who truly wanted me to be happy, no matter the cost--even your own life. I hope, I pray that you didn't do this because you thought it'd make me happy to see you gone. It does just the opposite; it makes me want to follow. I want to be with you, I want to see your face, your eyes, touch your hair, your lips and to hold your hand in mine." I watched intently, hanging onto his every word, he grabbed my hand and was rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand, "Frank, I, I fell in love with you the moment I met you. The day you told me you loved me scared me. I thought this was some joke, that you somehow found out I liked you and wanted to break me apart. I shouldn't have pushed you away, look at what you've done! I'm so sorry; I should've told you sooner." I heard sobs escape and watched as they wracked his body as he held my departed one.
Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there’s just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
I start calling his name, over and over, but I realize all too soon that he can't hear me. He can't hear me telling him I'm right here, I'll always be with him, I'll wait for him! I hear a scream from behind me; I turn to see my mother and some cops behind her. She crumpled to the ground where she stood. I hadn't realized how much I'd hurt everyone else, I was so worried about how free I would be from the pain I was feeling. I didn't realize I'd hurt them so much. I watched as Gerard struggled to keep me in his grasps as the cops tried to pull me away from him. They still haven't realized how I've died, and I don't think they will. I watched again as they finally pried me from his grasp and then as my mother flung herself onto my lifeless body and held me to her. She was whispering, "Oh my Frankie, my baby, why, why, why?" I looked away to find Gerard sitting where my body left his arms and he was staring intently at where I was standing now. I screamed as loud as I could, 'I'm so sorry! I love you so much! I didn't mean to hurt you like this!' Only to realize he still couldn't hear me. He slowly made his way to my mom and gently pulled her arms off of my body. I heard her scream in agony--I didn't mean to cause this. I wished whole heartedly right now that I could jump up, or at least wiggle my arms to let the cops know I'm still alive, that I'm sorry for doing this to the only two people I ever loved--but I knew I couldn't, even if it was possible, I couldn't.
And I can’t, I can’t pick up the pieces
I’ve thrown my words all around
But I can’t, I can’t give you a reason
I’ve never thought that I’d be the one to do what I’m about to do. I’ve always been the friend that’s been there when someone’s needed me to be, sometimes their last resort, kind of. I don’t have one of those, I thought I did, but, I, I ruined that. I told the one friend that they became someone I loved, someone I loved romantically, no longer platonically. That didn’t sit to well with him; he kind of stared at me, like I just told him I wanted him to die in the most horrible way possible. He stared at me for a few minutes before he even uttered a response, I wish he just kept staring at me; “I, you, that’s wrong.” He just turned and walked away, didn’t even glance back at me. I felt my heart burst into a million tiny pieces. I even yelled ‘sorry’ at his back as he walked away from me. I shouldn’t have, it didn’t mean anything, not after that.
I feel so broken up
And I give up
Just want to tell you so you know
I tried for so long after that day, pretending I never said anything, but he’d ignore me. I didn’t exist to him anymore. That hurt so much. He was the only person that would truly see me for me, know and get me when no one else could or would. He was there for me at my worst moments and some of my bests. We did everything together. We were inseparable, but no one seemed to notice the absence of the other after that day. Three agonizingly slow months brought me to where I am today. I’m not sure how or why I decided that this was what I wanted to do, but I was going to do it no matter what happened in the next hour—I tried to be happy; I failed at it a lot. I couldn’t handle the fact that I was now truly alone in this world that hated me. I do know that what I’m about to do, I should tell him—he has to know why. He may not approve, he never did like the idea. He’d probably hate me even more than he does now.
Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there’s just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
My room was left just how I left it this morning, clothes put away, bed made, my guitars placed neatly in their places, my room was organized--even if the rest of me wasn't. I'm not home, I couldn't do what I'm about to at home; my parents wouldn't know what to do. They'd probably try to stop me if they could. I can see his face, and I'm screaming at the top my lungs, as loud as I can make myself go, that I love him, I always have and I always will, even if he acts like I don't exist now. He's the only one for me, the only one I'll ever love like this, and I've ruined it. I always ruin good things for me. We’d been friends for about ten years now; it was bound to blow up at one point. I tried to talk to my mom about it once, I never tried again—she didn’t believe me. She told me it was a phase I was going through and that I’d wake up one day and it’d be over—it is, just not the way she imagined.
Made my mistakes let you down
And I can’t, I can’t hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can’t, I can’t get up when you’re gone
I tried so hard to apologize, to have him take me back as a friend--he wouldn't. He said he couldn't befriend someone like me, he didn't know me anymore. He did, I know he did, he was afraid that he'd fall for me too. He'd always known how I felt about dating, always knew. With so simple a statement, it cost everything we had. I can't live knowing I made myself alone, it's my fault my only friend and my only love hate me. I've been beating myself up about this for a while now, there's nothing left to beat anymore, my dignity died the moment I yelled 'sorry' after him; my hope died the day he told me we'd never be friends again--that was a month ago. I've avoided him, never going to our old haunts, knowing that by chance I'd see him there, I couldn't and wouldn't do that to myself. I can't handle it much anymore. I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried to get up every day and act like I’m alright, people never noticed how sad I was, I guess they never cared enough in the first place.
Something’s breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won’t walk out until you know
I forgot about the one thing I loved about this place, the view. My spot is secluded from the eyes of the bustling small city we lived in. Nice town in Jersey, no one ever knew where to find me--well one did. I can see his work from here, I can see him leaning on the counter, listening intently to a new record--you'll find out soon what I'm about to do. He'll know, and when he does, it'll be too late. I'll be gone, but he'll know, he'll know I quit. I made my choice and I’m going to stick with it, I’ve never backed down from a choice I’ve made and I won’t start now. No one will care if I do what I’m doing, no one will find out how I did it either, never. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve been dead the moment he walked away from me.
Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there’s just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
I can hear myself screaming inside my head again, how stupid I'm being, how much I want this, how this will make things better--I aimed for better. I continue yelling at myself in my head, arguing at which is better, to give up or keep going. I take in deep breaths, the smell of nature, I can’t hear any birds or anything but the cars down the bottom of the hill. It’s like they know something’s about to happen here. I look down to the road again; I see the delivery man carrying a large brown envelope into the store. I can see his reaction when he realizes it's for him—I’m sure he was expecting it to be for his boss. It’s a letter, a letter for him that explains everything. I don't watch after I see he's opened it and started reading--I start what I came here to finish.
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note
For you my only one
And I know
You can see right through me
So let me go
And you will find someone
'G: You already know you mean the world to me, there's nothing more I could say to you. I apologized endlessly for making things how they are, but know I'm truly sorry for what's happened. I lost you, my best friend, my one—my only. After you read this next statement, you're going to think about it for a moment to figure out what it means; I won't be here when you've finished reading my name at the bottom of this letter. I hope you thought about that for a moment, I mean it, I won't be here. Don't bother trying to tell me you love me now, that won't stop me, you'll be too late when you finally realize where I'm at. I saw you open this letter, but I didn't watch you finish it, I had to end this. I'm sorry, for everything. You'll live your life, find your one—your only, and I'll be happy for you--watching over. <3 Frankie'
I watch as my last breath leaves my body, it's so surreal watching me die. I can hear, smell and see everything still, I'm not sure if I can touch, I doubt it. I hear a distant calling of my name, 'Frank!' 'Frankie!' Whoever this is, they sure are frantic, like they're searching for me. I hear hurried footsteps, as whoever's approaching is running with all their might--it's him. "OH GOD NO!! FRANKIE!!!??" I watched as he rushed to my lifeless body and pulls it towards him and sobs. "You idiot! I called you fifty times this morning, no lie, I had to talk to you--I had to tell you something." I watched as he leant down and kissed my body's forehead. "Frankie, I, I know you're gone, you always stick to your mind, no matter what, I always loved that about you, it was one of the many things I loved about you. I'm not sure if you can hear me, but, I, I had to tell you, the past three months have been hell for me. I pushed away the only person to truly care for me; the only person who truly wanted me to be happy, no matter the cost--even your own life. I hope, I pray that you didn't do this because you thought it'd make me happy to see you gone. It does just the opposite; it makes me want to follow. I want to be with you, I want to see your face, your eyes, touch your hair, your lips and to hold your hand in mine." I watched intently, hanging onto his every word, he grabbed my hand and was rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand, "Frank, I, I fell in love with you the moment I met you. The day you told me you loved me scared me. I thought this was some joke, that you somehow found out I liked you and wanted to break me apart. I shouldn't have pushed you away, look at what you've done! I'm so sorry; I should've told you sooner." I heard sobs escape and watched as they wracked his body as he held my departed one.
Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there’s just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
I start calling his name, over and over, but I realize all too soon that he can't hear me. He can't hear me telling him I'm right here, I'll always be with him, I'll wait for him! I hear a scream from behind me; I turn to see my mother and some cops behind her. She crumpled to the ground where she stood. I hadn't realized how much I'd hurt everyone else, I was so worried about how free I would be from the pain I was feeling. I didn't realize I'd hurt them so much. I watched as Gerard struggled to keep me in his grasps as the cops tried to pull me away from him. They still haven't realized how I've died, and I don't think they will. I watched again as they finally pried me from his grasp and then as my mother flung herself onto my lifeless body and held me to her. She was whispering, "Oh my Frankie, my baby, why, why, why?" I looked away to find Gerard sitting where my body left his arms and he was staring intently at where I was standing now. I screamed as loud as I could, 'I'm so sorry! I love you so much! I didn't mean to hurt you like this!' Only to realize he still couldn't hear me. He slowly made his way to my mom and gently pulled her arms off of my body. I heard her scream in agony--I didn't mean to cause this. I wished whole heartedly right now that I could jump up, or at least wiggle my arms to let the cops know I'm still alive, that I'm sorry for doing this to the only two people I ever loved--but I knew I couldn't, even if it was possible, I couldn't.