Curiousity Killed the Cat

“Hermione?” I said nervously one night as we sat together in the library, trying to finish up our homework. We had been getting loads of it lately and it had started to pile up on me. I was nearly done with my Charms homework but curiosity was bubbling inside of me. I needed to know.

“Yes?” she asked, not looking up from the Transfiguration essay she was trying to complete.

“Can I ask you something?” I said, looking at her confused face, I added. “About Harry.”

“Sure,” she said, somewhat unsure. She looked up from her essay, putting her quill down as if to tell me I had her full attention.

“Well, I would have normally asked Harry this but he’s been…different lately and I think you know why,” I admitted, a frown drawing itself on my face.

Hermione shifted uncomfortably in her seat; this question was one she wasn’t suppose to answer. “What do you mean he’s been different?”

I sighed. “He won’t talk to me. He doesn’t want to be near me. He’s not himself.”

“Well, um, he’s been really stressed lately…” Hermione started, trailing off when she couldn’t find a way to continue.

“Hermione, you can either tell me or not, I don‘t care. Just don’t lie to me,” I said, shaking my head at her.

She stayed silent, obviously not wanting to tell me. I sighed, grabbing my bag and shoving my books into it before standing up, looking down at Hermione, who wasn’t looking at me.

“Something is wrong with him,” I said, my heart dropping as I spoke, “and I hope you can help him fix it before it’s too late. I don’t want to lose Harry. I can‘t lose him.”

I sat by the window, watching as the rain trickled down the glass. Thunder boomed in the distance, so close yet still so far away. Rain drops, so many of them, hitting the ground at the same time. The same yet all different.

I was thinking about Harry. He was different, a new side of him I had yet to see. He was scared but he wouldn’t admit it. He would only talk to me when we were in groups, never saying a word to me when we were alone. He didn’t touch me anymore, leaving my body to turn cold without his warmth.

I knew why he was doing this. He didn’t want me to get hurt. He was, in his mind, protecting me from himself. He thought if he could stay way from me, then the Dark Lord wouldn’t be able to get me, he wouldn’t be able to use me against Harry.

But without Harry, I wasn’t myself either. I was quiet, alone, depressed. No longer did I tell people off or laugh at other people’s falls or trips, like I used to do. I sat in class, not paying attention yet still maintaining my grades. I didn’t talk to anyone unless they asked me a direct question. I had lost what I cared about most, what makes me a normal person. Without Harry, I was the same girl I was in Azkaban. Little Elyse, all alone.

I sighed, leaning my head against the window, embracing the cold that it brought. My whole life has been like I was on the other side of a window. Harry was the rain drops, hitting the glass but never hitting me. Everyone was out there while I just had to look out at them.

Harry didn’t know what he was doing had such an affect on me. He thought he was doing what he thought was best for me. How can we know what’s best for everyone? Telling them they can’t see someone because they know it’s best for us. Or telling them they can’t have friends like that because they know what’s best for us. No one knows what’s best for the other person; I don’t know what’s best for Harry and he doesn’t know what’s best for me.

I wished that he could understand that. He’s the best thing that has happened in my life; he’s changed me. I can truly say that I can love and have friends, something I couldn’t have before I met all these people at Hogwarts. Could I ever find someone as good as Harry? No. I couldn’t lose Harry. I couldn’t lose him to the Dark lord.

And I really couldn’t lose Harry to himself.