Curiousity Killed the Cat

Camille Saint-Saëns - The Swan
This is such a wonderful melody...

The mind is a very complex place, almost like a whole other universe. Is everything we feel or see or think a lie? Simply a cruel trick by our minds? Are we truly depressed or are we just so convinced that we are that we actually begin to believe total lies. Perhaps, like in some cases, people actually are depressed. They lose someone close to them.

I pondered over these twisting thoughts as she stared out of the window, watching as life began to continue without me. Harry, unable to prevent himself from sleeping, was passed on in the chair besides my bed. I didn’t mind, Harry needed the sleep more than I ever would need. After this whole year, I just wanted to run far, far away. As I always said when entering the teenage world: Azkaban was looking better and better every day.

The sight of a crow, or perhaps a raven, flying past the window, gliding gently though the air. I felt as if she was trapped. Everywhere I looked, I was caught between her emotions. I lost my child but everyone, at least most of them, were okay. The thought of losing Fred and Remus and Tonks made me want to lock myself in my room and just let everything go. I was done being the strong, bold girl that my reputation showed my as. Sometimes, especially days like today, I just wanted to cry.

Watching as the faint sunlight reflected over the tranquility of the grounds of Hogwarts, I sighed. Where does this leave her? Would I end up like one of those people who just stay depressed for the rest of their lives? Or will I go on with her life? Was there a point?

Glancing down at Harry’s sleeping form, I found herself unable to resist a small smile. He was alive, despite everything. He was alive. After six months, I was amazed how much he had changed yet stayed the same. His hair was longer and was in desperate need of a haircut. He looked so tired, I was surprised he stayed awake as long as he did. He got taller making me seem like a small doll compared to him.

Rather than trying to do the thing that I’ve been doing for the last three hours, I thought of my would-be daughter. I wanted to name her, or at least name her in my mind. I don’t want something common like Katie, everyone is Katie nowadays. After much thought, I finally settled on a name for my baby girl. Moments later, Harry stirred in his slumber, eventually waking up.

“What are you doing up?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I replied, turning back to the window. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me off of the bed. Despite my efforts to get loose, it was no use. Harry, even deprived of sleep, was stronger than me.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered into my hair, placing me on his lap.

I snuggled close to his chest, inhaling his scent. “For what?”

“For leaving,” he said, his voice once again muffled by my hair. I felt my heart drop a bit, my mind racing so fast I couldn’t find any words to say how I felt. “I regretted it every single day.”

“Normally I’d kill you, but you’re lucky that I’m more happy you are alive,” I responded, feeling Harry smile against my skin.

“I love you,” he said, sighing. “Even if you are a smart-ass. I still love you.”

“Harry?” I said, biting my lower lip.

“What?”

“I know what I want to name the baby,” I blurted out, trying to make my voice even, wincing at the slight cracking on the word “baby”.

Harry was paying attention now. “What do you want to name her?”

“Lily.”

“…Why?”

I looked at the window once again, letting silence fall upon us for a couple of seconds before answering. “Because the baby, like your mom, gave up her life to save someone. I want to name her Lily.”

Harry didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, making me a bit uncomfortable. When he finally spoke again, I was relieved.

“I missed you so much,” he said, with such sincerity and emotions that it made me get a tingly sensation in my body.

“I missed you more,” I said, leaning into his chest.

“I doubt it.”