And I Thought I Loved You Then

Brilliant sunshine greeted Autumn as her eyes slowly flickered open. Golden rays tumbled into the room and cascaded onto the bed; bathing her body, covered only by the thin top sheet, in delicious warmth. Yawning noisily, she stretched languorously, relishing the sensation of cool cotton against her skin. She couldn’t remember a time in her entire life where she’d ever felt so relaxed and content. Her body, from head to toe, completely sated and her nerve endings still tingling. A five year self imposed period of abstinence had ended in a night that had been beyond her wildest dreams. The wait for the ‘right guy’ to give herself to in every sense of the word, had been entirely worth it. And she gave a devilish grin and a giggle as she replayed every moment in her mind. Vividly recalling the intensity of their kisses, the way the muscles in his broad, strong shoulders and his back moved underneath her wandering, greedy hands. The feel of his bare skin against hers and the taste of his sweat as her lips feasted on his neck. The way he was able to quickly and effortlessly turn into her a quivering, helpless mess. And bring out such intense emotions and mind blowing sensations that no man had ever made her feel before.

Any man. While she had desperately loved her husband -a small part of her always would- and had been immensely attracted to him, things had never been that…intense. The things she had felt the night before and that morning had both thrilled and terrified her. And she wondered now, as she stared up at the ceiling, watching as the sunshine danced across the plaster, if she’d been that on edge and that needy because it had been so long since she’d been with a man, of it was because despite her protestations, that was she was experiencing for Sidney went far deeper then she was ready to admit.

She hesitated to even think of the L word. She just wasn’t prepared for the emotional ties that came along with those four little letters. Of course, she didn’t exactly take sex lightly. She didn’t view it as a means to an end. A way to scratch an itch. If it was simply about self gratification, there were ways to do that for herself. To her, being intimate with another human being was about trust. Forming a bond. She wasn’t the type to just hop into bed with the first guy that came along and showed interest. And now that the connection had been made…

She was falling in love with him. Quickly and easily despite her vow to protect herself at all costs. And for now…for now she was going to keep those feelings tight to her heart and guard them with her life.

A gust of breeze caused her to shiver, and drawing the sheet tightly around her body, Autumn rolled over onto her left hand side and reached out for the pillow beside her. Wrapping her arm around it, she pulled it tight to her chest and nestled her face into it. It had been a long time since she’d shared her bed with someone. Since she’d felt someone moving alongside of her, their body brushing against hers. Since she’d heard their steady breathing and their soft murmurs and sighs and breathed in their scent. It had been awkward at first, knowing that there was someone there with her and she just couldn’t take up the entire bed and hog all the covers and pillows. But she’d quickly grown to enjoy his presence next to her. To feeling his heavy arm draped across her body and later on, after he’d rolled over onto his side, to snuggling in tight to him and resting her face against his back.

And she loved the way he smelled. It was masculine and sexy and intoxicating. And as she closed her eyes tightly and breathed in the scent that lingered on the pillow case, she listened to the sounds of life trickling upstairs from the kitchen. Ryan chatting incessantly as his grandmother prepared him breakfast. The radio tuned into the local Top 40 station. The rattling of dishes and cutlery. She knew that she should be down there. Spending those moments with her son before he headed off to school. Walking the short three blocks with a class mate of his that lived directly across the street and the kid’s older brother. And she knew that she’d face certain hell from her mother in law for not getting her ass down there and spending the breakfast hour with the family. Zara was big into family quality time and expected you, regardless of how exhausted you were -or how old you were for that matter- to have your butt parked at the kitchen table no later than eight o’clock.

At that moment in time, totally relaxed in warmth that the smell on those sheets encased her in, Autumn honestly didn’t care. The only thing she wanted to do was lie there and catch some extra sleep. Lose herself in a dream or two. Preferably the dirty and kinky kind.

That thought made her laugh out loud. And blush at the same time when she realized she had enough memories from one night alone to keep her happy on any of the long and lonely nights she suspected were in her near future.

xxxxx

Sleep was just threatening to consume her once again when she heard the distinct rattling of the handle on the bedroom door. Her eyes snapped open and she bolted into a sitting position, gathering the sheet around her naked body.

“Excuse me?!” she yelled to whoever was standing out in the hallway, preparing to let themselves into her bedroom unannounced. “Do you mind?”

“I need to come in mom!” Ryan called out. “I need to…”

“You need to knock first, young man!” Autumn retorted, and tossing the cover off of her, scrambled off the bed and hurried over to her dresser.

Tossing open drawers until she finally managed to locate a Flyers t-shirt -David’s favourite team, he’d given her the autographed shirt, autographed by Riley Cote on their second date after he’d found out two nights before that she was a hockey fan- and a pair of black yoga shorts. Pulling on the bottoms, she yanked the shirt over her head as she padded towards the door.

“Yes?” she asked, as she pulled the door open and looked down at her son.

“Hi, mommy!” Ryan chirped, and circling her waist with his arms, laid his head against her.

Smiling, she bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Good morning…” she greeted, and combed her fingers through his head. “Now what do you exactly want?”

“I need some money,” he informed her. “It’s pizza day at school today. Remember? Every Friday we get something different. Last week it was hot dogs. Today it’s pizza. You signed the permission slip, remember?” he cocked his head to his side and his eyes narrowed. “You forgot, didn’t you.”

“Of course I didn’t forget,” she lied, as she held the door open and motioned for him to step into the room. “It just…slipped my mind.”

“You forgot,” Ryan stated, then gave an exasperated sigh.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately,” Autumn said apologetically. “Lots of things with work on my plate and…”

“And a new boyfriend,” her son finished for her, as he rushed across the room and tossed himself face first onto his mother’s bed. “It’s all good mom…” he said, giving her two thumbs up as he rolled over onto his back. “Sid’s cool…he’s a really nice guy…he’s not a total ass-wipe like what’s his face.”

“Ryan…language…please….”

“Well that’s what he is,” the seven year old declared, and placed his hands behind his head. “I told him where to go and how to get there the other day. When he called her lookin’ for ya. I gave him detailed directions on how to get to…”

“How much money do you need?” Autumn interrupted her son before he could go on another tangent.

“Ten bucks!” he called to her, as she disappeared into the closet to fetch her purse.

“For pizza? What is that about?” she asked, as she stepped out of the closet, wallet in hand. “Is it laced with gold or something?”

“Things aren’t cheap these days mommy,” Ryan replied, and sat up on the rumbled bed. “Inflation and all. And Obama’s stimulus package never did a damn lick of good for our economy.”

“You listen to your grandmother too much,” Autumn declared, as she snapped open her wallet.

“Anderson Cooper actually,” Ryan corrected. “He was talking to John McCain last night and he said that…”

“Why can’t you watch Teletoon like normal seven year olds?” she asked, as she pulled two fives from the change portion of her wallet and held them out to her son.

“Who wants to be normal?” Ryan retorted, and reached out to take the money offered to him. “I just want to be…WHOA!” he suddenly exclaimed, and bolting across the bed, snatched up the Blackberry sitting abandoned on the night stand. “This is a 8820!” he gushed, his wide in amazement as he turned the device over carefully in his hands. “It’s kick ass! Better than your Pearl, mom! You know what kind of specs this thing has!”

“No…” she said, and attempted to snatch it from him. “And it’s not yours so you need to…”

“This thing is the shizz-nit!” Ryan exclaimed, scooting backwards across the bed, preventing his mother from grabbing the phone. “It has GPS and Wi-fi!” he gushed. “Comes with satellite radio, online subscription to Emusic, Bluetooth, blu-ray…”

“And you need to give it to me before you mess it up,” Autumn ordered him, as she walked around to the opposite side of the bed. “It’s not a toy. And if you screw it up…well if you screw it up I won’t be able to afford to replace it…”

“Like Sid would make you buy him another one,” Ryan laughed at the sheer absurdity of the thought. “Do you even know how much money he makes a year, mom?”

“I can read, child. Of course I know how much money he makes. But it doesn’t mean you can go around breaking things because he can easily buy himself another one. It’s about respecting someone. Regardless of how rich they are. So just…” she snagged the BlackBerry from her son’s hands. “…give me the damn thing. I’ll have to take it to the arena when I meet him after practice.”

“You’re going to go and meet him?” Ryan asked excitedly. “Can I come?”

“You have school,” Autumn replied, and placed the phone on her dresser.

“So? Who cares? I want to go with you! I want to get some autographs! I wanna meet that Max Talbot guy. You know, the one that everyone calls Womanizer who had that big ass beard last year. The guy that told Hossa in the handshake line that he picked the wrong team. That guy is cool! I wanna meet him!”

“You’ll meet him some other time I’m sure. Preferably on a non school day.”

“Think maybe when we go to the game on Saturday I can go to the locker room?” Ryan asked hopefully. “You think maybe Sid would take me down there and I could get some autographs and stuff?”

“That’s something you’re going to have to ask him,” Autumn told him. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t…”

“This is so freaking awesome!” Ryan shrieked and bounded off the bed. “Wait until I tell all the guys at school that my mom is dating Sidney Crosby!”

“Ryan…I don’t think you should…”

“They’re all gonna be so jealous!” he continued as he raced for the doors. “Especially the older guys who think they’re the shit and pick on me all the time! Wait until they find out! They’re gonna be begging me to be their friend!”

“I really don’t think you should be going around telling people that…” Autumn tried again.

“Only thing that would be cooler is if you were hooking up with Ben Roethlisberger!” the seven year old cried, as he tossed open the bedroom door. “Now that would be fab-freaking-tabulous!”

“Ryan! I don’t want you…” her words were cut off as her son hurried out of the room and shut the door behind him.

“By the way!” he tossed the door open once more, startling her. “Thanks for the green mom! Just so you know, I told Sid last night that if he messed ya around, I was going to totally F him up!”

Her eyes widened. “You did what?”

“Don’t worry. He was cool about it. He told me that I had nothing to worry about. That he wasn’t just being nice to me so he kick it with my mom. He’s not like that ass-wipe at all. He’s really into you, you know. I can tell. But I gotta protect my peeps and all that. My heart,” Ryan banged his fist against his chest. “That’s you mom, in case you didn’t know.”

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

“You’re my boo,” her son informed her. “Gotta make sure no one messes with ya. I don’t care who he is.”

“I’m sure Sidney is just terrified,” Autumn said with a grin.

“He should be…” Ryan backed out of the doorway. “Oh!” he added. “What’s a toque mom? Sid talks funny. We were talking about clothes and stuff and he was going on and on about a toque. What is that?”

“It’s a hat,” Autumn explained. “A winter hat. You know, like the black wool one you have. Canadian people like Sidney and me call those toques.”

“Cool that,” Ryan said. “Peace out, mom!”

“Bye!” she called, as the door clicked closed behind her son, followed by his footsteps pounding across the wood floor of the hallway and down the stairs.

xxxxx

That kid is going to be the death of me, she thought, and raking her hands through her messy hair, gave a loud yawn before heading for the en suite bathroom. Halting her steps when she heard her own BlackBerry Pearl, sitting on the nightstand on her side of the bed, beeped noisily. Indicating an incoming call. She turned on her heel and headed over to retrieve her phone, hoping and praying that it wasn’t someone from work calling. She wasn’t too concerned about being asked to come in. It was easy to beg off the extra hours without feeling as if you were disappointing something. What did worry her was the families that were on her rotation. Some of the kids weren’t responding to treatment and their parents were fretting that the doctors were close to declaring that there was simply nothing more that could be done. In the past two and a half months, she’d lost five of her kids in total. And each loss was incredibly painful and she mourned for them as if they were her own flesh and blood.

She couldn’t ever imagine what she would do if something ever happened to Ryan. If he ever became terminally ill or he was in an accident and…

Autumn pushed the horrific thoughts out of her mind. One of the side effects of being mother was stressing over horrific things and events that were totally beyond your control. When Ryan was born, she’d been the quintessential paranoid first time mother. She freaked out over every tiny cough and sneeze. She worried herself sick that she’d go into his nursery one morning and find him dead. It had happened to two of her cousins and she’d remember how they’d been nearly destroyed when they’d lost their babies. She was so consumed with the thought of SIDS taking her child’s life that she’d made Quinton buy a bassinet and forced him to keep it on his side of the bed. Then she’d gotten herself a flash light that she kept under her pillow. So she could check on their baby in the middle of the night. She had nearly drove Quinton insane with her constant fretting, and he’d declared that if she was going to behave like that with every kid they had, he was putting a halt after the first.

She scooped up her BlackBerry and checked the call display, frowning when she saw that the message was coming from a number belonging to a T.Kennedy.

Who the hell is that? Autumn wondered out loud, pressed the talk button.

“Hello?” she asked hesitantly.

“Hey…” Sid’s voice greeted her.

She couldn’t stop the smile that spread from ear to ear.

“You threw me off,” she laughed. “I was wondering who the hell this T. Kennedy person was.”

“Tyler Kennedy,” he told her. “A team mate of mine. We’re just on our way out to the ice but I wanted to give you a shout and had to lend me his ‘cause…”

“Your BlackBerry is sitting on my dresser,” she finished, and took a seat on the end of the bed. “Ryan found it when he came in here to beg money off of me for something going on at school today. He says that it’s the shizz-nit. And then proceeded to tell me all the kick ass things it can do.”

“Yeah? Is he a tech whiz?”

“Are you kidding? Who do you think solves my lap top problems and programmed all the DVD players and stuff like that?”

“Good…’cause I can make calls and answer them on that thing. That’s about it. I can’t even program things into the phone book. Maybe he can show me how to do it.”

“I’m sure he would. But knowing Ryan? He’d charged you going tech rate for something like that,” she giggled. “He’s a total pill that kid.”

“He’s an awesome kid,” Sid said. “He’s a lot like you, you know. He’s got your brains. And your eyes. And your smile.”

She felt herself blush. “Are you seriously trying to sweet talk me right before you head out to practice?” she teased, as she laid back on the bed. “In front of all your buddies?”

“They’re out in the hallway. And I’m not sweet talking you.”

“No? So this is where we continue our phone sex conversation?”

There was a small pause on the other end. Then he lowered his voice and asked, “What are you wearing?”

“I don’t think so!” she laughed. “You are not getting me to talk dirty to you right before you go out and practice! What is wrong with you?”

“Hey, if Ovechkin says that having sex before a game helps him play better…”

“I can’t believe anyone would willingly have sex with him in the first place,” Autumn grumbled.

“…imagine what having phone sex before practice will do for me,” Sid finished.

“As much as I’d love to indulge you…”

“I’m just kidding,” he laughed. “Or am I…”

“Well judging by your off ice skills, something tells me there’s nothing you won’t try once.”

He coughed noisily and cleared his throat. “You’re making me blush here, Autumn.”

“Just stating the obvious,” she said.

“I was actually calling to tell you that I left a security pass tucked into the corner of your windshield,” he told her, and she heard a door slam open and a deep voice bellow his name. “I’ll be right out!” he called, then returned to the call. “Just show that to the parking guy and then go to the back of the arena. If you knock on the employee only door a guard will come out and get you. Big guy. Six three, about two fifty. Bald head. We call him Moose.”

“Moose?” she laughed.

“Long story,” Sid said. “He knows you’re coming so just tell him who you are and he’ll bring you down to the locker room. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” she concurred. “One o’clock?”

“Yeah…listen, I gotta go…time to go and earn my keep. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay…” she said. “Wait!” she called. “Are you there?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m wearing a pair of yoga shorts with no underwear underneath and an autographed Riley Cote t-shirt.”

“Riley Cote? From the Flyers? Why…?”

“Guess I need to add a Sidney Crosby jersey to my wardrobe!” she chirped, and disconnected the call.

Sighing happily, she placed her phone on her chest and her hands behind her head.

Life was good.