And I Thought I Loved You Then

“Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound, I know they're watching, they're watching.
All the commotion, the kiddie like play, has people talking, talking. You, your sex is on fire. The dark of the alley, the breaking of day, the head while I'm driving, I'm driving.
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale, feels like you're dying, you're dying. You, your sex is on fire, consumed with what's to transpire…”

With the Kings of Leon blasting from the stereo of her midnight blue Dodge Avenger, Autumn drummed the fingers of her right hand against the steering wheel while her left elbow rested on the window ledge. It was a beautiful early fall day in Pittsburgh. A stiff, cool breeze wafted through the streets, stripping away all remnants of summer. Fall had always been her favourite season. Something she’d always been ribbed about as a kid considering her first name. But there was no denying the beauty of the season. She loved the sound of leaves crunching under her feet and the crisp, refreshing smell to the air. And taking long drives through the outskirts of the city to look at the radiant orange, red and yellow hues that painted the trees. She was looking forward to making a trip to some of the smaller Pennsylvania towns and seeing if their fall scenery was as beautiful as people at work had bragged about.

For now, as she drove towards the sprawling grounds of UPMC, she was concentrating not only on the road in front of her, but on the lyrics of her favourite song. She’d never actually sat back and thought about the lyrics and the connotations behind them, but now, with the memories of the night before still tumbling through her mind, she read straight into that song for all it was worth. And it was doing extremely naughty things for her libido.

She had literally ‘made her bed and slept in it’. And while for the most part she had no regrets about anything that was said or done the evening before or that morning, there was a small part of her that questioned her common sense. That nagged at her and had her wondering if sex that soon into a relationship -could it even be called a relationship at that point in time?- had ultimately destroyed the chances of anything long term and meaningful happening.

Two days ago you were against even going out to dinner with him, Autumn reminded herself. You were so paranoid and anxious about how much your life would be affected that you weren’t even allowing yourself to be attracted to him. And now all of a sudden you’re worried about ruining the chances of something long term? What is wrong with you?

She felt slightly…whore-ish that she’d jumped into bed with Sid that early. And that she’d been so aggressive, demanding and needy. With Quinton, she’d been the passive one. Never quite comfortable -despite how much she loved him and he loved her- being assertive and outspoken when it came to what she wanted and needed. She’d simply accepted things in their sex life as is. Routine, and relatively mundane. And she’d long ago figured that either sex in general was just like that, or she just didn’t enjoy physical intimacy that much. Or even both.

Last night, she’d been proven wrong on both counts. Sex would be wild and crazy. SHE could be wild and crazy and not feel embarrassed about it afterwards. She could express what she wanted and needed and not be made to feel selfish for it. And that those quite, breathless moments afterwards could be just as fantastic. Wrapped up in someone’s arms, your sweat slicked bodies pressed up against each other and your hearts beating in unison. And the connection that was made through every soothing caress and every long, lazy kiss. She had felt all of that and more in the past twelve hours.

And she wanted to fell it again. As much as possible.

You need to get a grip, she thought, and fanned herself with her hand. How is it you can go five years without sex and be okay with it and now all of a sudden you can’t go….

Autumn consulted the clock on the dashboard.

…eight hours?

The truth of the matter was that she not only wanted him desperately. She needed him just as bad. If not more.

Autumn groaned loudly as Sid’s BlackBerry, tucked into her back and pink Baby Phat purse sitting on the passenger’s seat next to her rang noisily. The damn thing had been ringing off the hook from nine in the morning on and she’d done her best to ignore it. It wasn’t any of her business how many people called him or what they exactly wanted her for. What went on in his personal life outside of her was just that. Personal. He’d had a life long before she’d stumbled into it, and she knew that the best thing to do, if she wanted to stay in his life in any way, shape or form, was to mind her own business.

It was easier said then done.

The constant ringing was irritating to say the least. And she tried to rationalize her nosiness by telling her that the second he’d decided to share a bed with her, Sid’s business had become her own. He thrived on trust and honesty in a relationship. He craved it in fact. And as far as Autumn was concerned, that went both ways. So she was only slightly mortified by her behaviour when she found herself, at the first red light she encountered, leaning sideways to unzip her purse and remove the BlackBerry from its resting place.

Twenty seven calls in the last four hours, she observed, as she checked the call display. And save for two of them, they’d all come from the same number. And only some kind of obsessed, stalker girl would call a guy that much, she thought, and laying Sid’s BlackBerry on her thigh, leaned forward to snatch her hands free device off of the dashboard. Placing it securely behind her ear, she typed the phone number displayed on the BlackBerry into her own cell that was mounted in a holder by the controls for the stereo. She paused before hitting SEND, her guilty conscience threatening to get the best of her.

“Screw it,” she said aloud. If I’m tossing myself into the deep end of this relationship, I damn well protecting myself at all costs. No matter who answers the goddamn phone.

“Hello?” a cheerful voice greeted her.

Christ, Autumn thought. Of all people I’m forced to talk to, it’s a damn Valley Girl. “Who is this?” she asked.

“Uh…this is Meghan…who is this?”

“This is Sidney’s…” Autumn hesitated. “This is a friend of Sidney’s and you keep calling his phone and honestly? It’s driving me goddamn mental.”

“Well…that’s just too bad for you, isn’t it…”

Autumn frowned. More turned off by the apparent snapping of bubble gum in her ear than she was about the ignorant little bitch she was talking to.

“And why do you have his phone anyway?” Meghan asked. “And if he’s with you than why isn’t he answering his phone?”

“He’s not with me,” Autumn replied. “And he left his phone at my house. In my bedroom. Next to my bed.”

Silence emanated from the other end.

“Next to your bed?” the girl hissed.

“Where he spent the entire night and the wee hours of this morning,” Autumn felt a victorious grin spread from ear to ear. “He was in a rush this morning and left his phone behind. I’m actually just taking it to him now. And I’d really, really appreciate it if you stopped calling. If you actually just stayed away from him period. Because you know what? I don’t share bitch,” Autumn leaned forward, her finger hovering over the end button on her cell phone. “Oh…” she said quickly. “Have a nice day!”

With that, she disconnected the call and removing the hands free device from her ear, tossed it onto the dashboard.

One fan girl down, she thought. Another million and so to go.

xxxxx

“I’m Moose…”

Autumn looked down at the beefy hand -complete with a spider web tattooed on the top of it- that was being thrust in her direction. It’s owner stood well over six foot five and built like a Sherman Tank; the white uniform shirt emblazoned with the security company logo was tight across his chest and arms and close to a point of strangulation around the neck. She’d been self conscious enough showing her pass to the parking attendant and the guard that had answered the door. Now she had a man that looked big enough to tow the line for the Steelers standing in front of her.

“I’m Autumn,” she said in return, and shook the hand offered to her. He had surprisingly soft hands and the most tender smile she’d ever seen on a man before. Not to mention he was in possession of a voice that rivalled that of Mike Tyson’s tiny, almost girly way of speaking.

“I know…” he confirmed. “Sid told me all about you.”

Her eyes widened. “He did?” she asked, wondering just what had actually been said.

“Yeah…he told me a friend of his was stopping by to see him and to show her to the locker room. So unless there’s two Autumns that he knows…”

“Just me,” she chirped. Relieved to know that she hadn’t been locker room gossip. At least not with the security guard. While she didn’t honestly think that Sid would be the type to spread news of their new found sex life around the place, she knew that when boys got together, they had a tendency to run off at the mouth without thinking about what they were saying. “At least I think I’m the only Autumn he knows,” she added.

“First girl that’s ever come around here to see him,” Moose told her, then motioned for her to follow him. “Well…unless you count the fan girls that sneak into here and at the Mellon looking for him.”

“Is there a lot of them?” Autumn asked curiously.

“Fair share. I bet it’s exactly what the handlers for the Beatles and Elvis had to deal with it. And you know, I hate to be mean or anything, but he’s not into that type of girl, you know? The ones that come around here in their little mini skirts and their tiny tops, showin’ off their wears. Throwing themselves at his feet. He never gives them the time of day. I hate to break it to them, but they don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hooking up with him.”

“So he’s never had a girlfriend in the entire time he’s been here?” Autumn calmly fished for information.

“Never. At least not one that I’ve known about. And me and Sid are pretty tight. He doesn’t treat me like the hired help. We’ve hung out together before. Grabbed a few beers together. He’s been to my place for Superbowl parties and everything.”

“And no girls? At all?” she asked.

Moose shook his head. “Not one. Not that he’s gay or anything,” he added quickly. “I know a lot of people think and spread it around and what not. But he’s into girls. As much as the next guy. He’s just really…selective…about who he gets mixed up with.”

Autumn nodded.

“He’s not gay,” Moose insisted.

She just smiled. Fighting back the urge to tell the mammoth man next to her that she’d put the ‘Sidney Crosby is gay’ rumours to rest the night before. That there was no possible way, with what he knew and how he could do it, that he was into guys in even the smallest, remote way. Instead, she bit her tongue and kept herself happy with her own little memories of the last twelve hours.

“So how do you know him?” Moose asked, his voice snapping Autumn out of a rather wonderful day dream.

“How do I know who?” she inquired in response.

“Sid,” the security guard replied. “How do you know him?”

“We met at the children’s hospital,” she explained, pushing her purse further up onto her shoulder. “I’m a social worker there with the palliative care program. And part of what I do is organizing these meet and greets with different athletes. The Steelers, Pirates, Flyers, Phillies, the Penguins.”

“So you must meet a lot of famous people then, huh?”

“I’ve met a few here,” Autumn said. “But more in New Jersey. I worked at a hospital there before coming here and the Devils and the New York Giants did a lot for the kids.”

“You’re from there?”

“Not exactly. I’m actually from Nova Scotia but…you know what? It’s an incredibly long and boring story. And I…”

Her words were cut off as the walkie talkie attached to Moose’s belt crackled to life. He held up one of his hands, pleading for a moment’s time while he attended to his call of duty and giving a nod, Autumn retreated to the far wall. Leaning against it, she pulled her own BlackBerry from her purse and checked the messages that had been left for her during the twenty minute drive to the practice arena from her house. Two were emails from Gwen. Dirty yet hilarious ones at that. Another was from employee health reminding her that she still needed to complete her mandatory blood work and inoculations. The fourth was from David. An invitation to join him for dinner on Saturday night to talk about how to ‘fix things’.

As if, she thought, and rolled her eyes before erasing the message. She had no desire or plans on ever calling that sonofabitch back.

“I’m going to have to answer this call,” Moose informed her, as he held the walkie talkie aloft.

“That’s okay,” she gave an understanding smile. “I’m sure I can…”

“Tanger!” Moose called out to Kris as he sauntered down the hall towards them. Carrying a bottle of water in one hand, his cell phone in the other and clad in a pair of athletic shorts, baggy No Fear t-shirt drenched in sweat, sandals and backwards ball cap. “I need a favour!”

“No Moosie. For the last time I will not go out with your sister,” Kris teased.

“Very funny smart ass,” the security guard grumbled. “I need you to show this pretty young lady to the dressing room.”

“What’s the matter?” Kris chided. “Can’t take five minutes out of your busy schedule?”

“Quit riding my ass, alright? I’ve got a call I’ve got to take care of and this young lady needs to get to the dressing room. I’m not asking you to part the Red Sea or anything. And if you’re going that way…”

Kris looked over at the petite brunette and quickly sized her up. Her chestnut hair tumbled down to her waist; chunks on either side of her face were drawn away from her face and held in place with a barrette at the back of her head. With no make up gracing her features save for a hint of shimmering lip gloss, the freckles that were sprinkled across her nose were in full prominence. She was clad in dark denim skirt that skimmed the tops of her knees and a white peasant style shirt.

She was damn cute. No doubt about it.

“Dressing room?” he asked curiously, and took a swig of his water.

“She’s here to see Sid,” Moose informed the younger man.

Kris’ eyes widened in realization and he gave a swift nod. “I’ll take her down,” he said. “No problem.”

The security guard slapped the defenseman on the shoulder in appreciation, then shook Autumn’s hand in farewell. “Nice meeting you!” he called as he hurried out. “Go easy on our boy okay? We’re playing Philly tomorrow night! Don’t go wearing him out or anything!”

Autumn felt her cheeks flush.

“It’s the bite mark on his neck that gave it away,” Kris told her. “Kinda hard to miss yet easy to figure out what he was up to last night.”

“What bite mark?” she asked innocently. “There’s no proof it’s from me.”

Kris just grinned and led the way down the hall. “So it’s Autumn, right?”

She nodded in confirmation. She felt slightly unnerved by the young man walking beside her. While she was sure that he was a hell of a good guy -Sidney spoke highly of both Kris and his girlfriend Michelle- her main concern was what Kris and the other players might know about her. And she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d been fodder for locker room talk.

“Pretty name,” Kris commented. “I’m Kris Letang. I’m…”

“The one that calls me Summer all the time,” she finished, and gave him a bright smile.

“That would be me,” he sheepishly admitted. “Sorry. I…”

“It’s okay,” Autumn assured him. “It’s actually kind of cute. I don’t mind you calling me that. And God knows I’ve been called a lot worse in my time. And there’s probably a lot of crappy names on the horizon.”

“Yeah…” he agreed. “The fan girls are going to go ape shit when they find out Sid has a girlfriend. I warn you now, things are probably going to get really nasty. It’s inevitable. Being with him. Things are bad enough for some of the other guys’ girls and they’re only half as popular as Sid is. So if you’re really sensitive and get hurt easily…”

“I am really sensitive and I do get hurt easily,” Autumn said. “But I’m also not afraid of anyone. I’ve always been able to handle myself. And that’s not about to stop soon. Amazing things are worth fighting for, right?”

“Right,” he agreed with a smile. “I just know that Sid was saying that you were a little worried about all the attention you were going to get once news got out and people started finding stuff out about you. And if you wanna talk to someone that’s gone through it or who is going through it, all the guys’ girls are pretty cool about welcoming a new member into the fold They’ve all had shit said about them at one point in time. Mind you, none of them are with Sid and he is the big shit around here so…”

“I’m going to get a bigger crap storm than anyone else,” Autumn concluded. “Yeah…I’ve pretty much relegated myself to the fact I’ll be public enemy number one.”

“The general public will love you,” Kris assured her. “You know, the fans who aren’t insane girls who honestly think they’re going to be Mrs. Sidney Crosby one day. He’s a got a lot of nutters in his fan base.”

“You really know how to boost someone’s confidence,” Autumn remarked. “Trust me, I know what people like that are capable of. And as long as one of them doesn’t start leaving me threatening letters or finding their way to my work or my house or getting in my kid’s face? I think I can handle it. But thanks. For giving me the heads up.”

“Good to go into things prepared I figure,” Kris said, as he stopped in front of the dressing room doors. Rock music was blaring on the other side of them, and was accompanied by boisterous laughing and yelling as the guys hung out and showered and changed. “I’ll go and tell Sid you’re here,” he offered. “Practice ran a little long. Usually we’re off the ice and cleaned up by now. So if you…”

“I’ll wait here,” Autumn said, and leaned against the wall across from the dressing room. “Don’t worry. I won’t try to sneak in to check out all the fine, naked male forms on parade. I’ll leave you guys to your male bonding rituals. Besides,” she removed her BlackBerry from her purse once again. “As far as dicks go? Seen one, seen them all.”

Kris’ eyes widened at her comment. She was feisty. That was for sure.

Sid’s definitely got his hands full with that one, he thought, and yanking the dressing room doors open, disappeared inside.