Harry Cotter and the Philosopher’s Brothel.
The Sorting Sack
“Gryffinwank, Ravenspawn, Huffnstrop and Slitherape. One of four houses, which one will you dearies be in? Of course I, Prof McG in the Warthouse, will not be doing the sorting” The woman stood tall above the first years, her voice booming round the hall. “First up…Hermione Granger”. The small girl in the short skirt stepped forward, smiling as wolf whistles arose from the hall.
“Okay, me deary, just place this bag over your head”.
“But my hair”
“Shut it deary” Harry sniggered, not only at how many times Prof McG felt the urge to say ‘deary’ but also at how the bag was thrust over Mi’s head.
As if by magic, although it probably was, within the ruffled bag’s creases a face appeared, well it did if you screwed your eyes up a bit, cocked your head to one side and had a vivid imagination.
“GRYFFINWANK” The mouth of the bag moved drastically, breaking into a smile, before withering away as Mi ran from the stool, to join the other wankers on the farthest table.
Many students took their turns, getting up to the small stool, before being plunged into darkness. Some students were sat there for 10 minutes, others for a few seconds, but no one really minded, they all wanted to see one boy’s sorting; Harry Cotters. When he was called the room was plunged into silence, the only voice being that of the sorting sacks.
“Har-hee cotter. Well, well, well. Very tricky…I see you as a rapist…but also as a stroppy one…and a wanker…yet also like you’ve just come out of the back end of the frog” the hat smiled at it’s own joke “
“Not Slitherape. Not Slitherape. Not Slitherape.” The young wizard chanted to him self,
“Not Slitherape? Ay? Well in that case…GRYFFINWANK!”
The table decorated with gold and red burst into tremendous applause, cheers echoing round the hall as Harry took his seat next to one of the boys he’d been in the boat with.
Many more wankers followed, but it was the ginger goth that Harry yearned to see the outcome of, which he had to wait a while for; Ron was last.
“Ronald Murphy Phillip Weavilly."
“BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” The unmistakeable laugh of Draco echoed up the hall, until he was silenced by a small spark sent from one of the teachers behind the long desk at the front
“Thank you Snarp deary” Prof McG smiled before placing the sack on the goth’s head. It took mere seconds for the bag to decide:
“GRYFFINWANK!”
Smiling, Ron took to his place, sitting next to Harry who smiled, before whispering in his ear:
“Thank God We’re Both Wankers”
“Okay, me deary, just place this bag over your head”.
“But my hair”
“Shut it deary” Harry sniggered, not only at how many times Prof McG felt the urge to say ‘deary’ but also at how the bag was thrust over Mi’s head.
As if by magic, although it probably was, within the ruffled bag’s creases a face appeared, well it did if you screwed your eyes up a bit, cocked your head to one side and had a vivid imagination.
“GRYFFINWANK” The mouth of the bag moved drastically, breaking into a smile, before withering away as Mi ran from the stool, to join the other wankers on the farthest table.
Many students took their turns, getting up to the small stool, before being plunged into darkness. Some students were sat there for 10 minutes, others for a few seconds, but no one really minded, they all wanted to see one boy’s sorting; Harry Cotters. When he was called the room was plunged into silence, the only voice being that of the sorting sacks.
“Har-hee cotter. Well, well, well. Very tricky…I see you as a rapist…but also as a stroppy one…and a wanker…yet also like you’ve just come out of the back end of the frog” the hat smiled at it’s own joke “
“Not Slitherape. Not Slitherape. Not Slitherape.” The young wizard chanted to him self,
“Not Slitherape? Ay? Well in that case…GRYFFINWANK!”
The table decorated with gold and red burst into tremendous applause, cheers echoing round the hall as Harry took his seat next to one of the boys he’d been in the boat with.
Many more wankers followed, but it was the ginger goth that Harry yearned to see the outcome of, which he had to wait a while for; Ron was last.
“Ronald Murphy Phillip Weavilly."
“BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” The unmistakeable laugh of Draco echoed up the hall, until he was silenced by a small spark sent from one of the teachers behind the long desk at the front
“Thank you Snarp deary” Prof McG smiled before placing the sack on the goth’s head. It took mere seconds for the bag to decide:
“GRYFFINWANK!”
Smiling, Ron took to his place, sitting next to Harry who smiled, before whispering in his ear:
“Thank God We’re Both Wankers”