Harry Cotter and the Philosopher’s Brothel.
Liftus Upus
“Welcome to Charms, I’m going to be your teacher ‘Professor Flopdick’, and here you shall learn many spells, starting with today’s, now let me just go get the items you shall be levitating“ Harry and Ron had only arrived at the lesson 5 minutes late, and still 3 minutes before the teacher arrived. Mi seemed to have felt the urge to ask incisively about what happened in the cupboard, but unsurprisingly, they were both reluctant to answer any questions.
“Okay, take one, pass ‘em on. You shall be levitating these”
“What are they?” one kid from the end called out
“Armadillo penises. They still work when detached; amazing. Oh, so if you get some white stuff on your hand, just ignore it”
“Ewwww, the emo’s got it on his back!” Draco had unfortunately grabbed the seat behind Harry and Ron
“GOTH!”
“Like it matters”
“Class! Control yourself!” Professor Flopdick moved himself to the side of his podium, revealing his true self; 12ft high giant. Apparently there was some form of groove in the floor, but it didn’t really matter.
“Anyway, the charm you must use is simple, first we start with that we wish to levitate, in this case Armadillo Penis, then we follow it with the word Liftus Upus. For example”, He pulled his wand out from a small pocket located above his heart, pointing it at the rather large greyish object with a pink tinge, “Armadillo penis liftus upus!” The small object flew high into the air, remaining parallel to the wand at all your times. He eventually lowered the object back to the table, indicating for people to give it a go.
To say that no one was successful was an understatement, until Mi gave it a go, rising the penis high above the class. Ron growled in jealousy, attempting
“Armadilo Penis Leeftus uptus!”
“No, no, you’re saying it all wrong, it’s Lift-tus.”
“Fine, I’ll do it your way. Armadillo penis leeft-usus.”
“NO! LIFT-TUS!”
“FINE! ARAMDILLO PENIS BLOODY LIFT-TUS UPUS!”
“Okay, now without the swearing.”
“Aramdillo Penis Liftus upus” to Ron’s dismay, it worked, but still annoyed at Mi he felt that she deserved to be covered in the semen of a small mammal, he shook the small pinkish object just above Mi’s head, while she was distracted, until of course it discharged all down her head, face and lap.
“RON! YOU…YOU…”, she slapped him, gathering her books and running outside
“What’s her problem?” The ginger goth scoffed, truly not understanding why she’d be so mad. Harry just shook his head, mumbling something, before attempting to levitate his own armadillo penis, which he managed to do eventually after a lot of coaching from Ron, who continued mocking Mi, blissfully unaware of what he had just started. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
“Okay, take one, pass ‘em on. You shall be levitating these”
“What are they?” one kid from the end called out
“Armadillo penises. They still work when detached; amazing. Oh, so if you get some white stuff on your hand, just ignore it”
“Ewwww, the emo’s got it on his back!” Draco had unfortunately grabbed the seat behind Harry and Ron
“GOTH!”
“Like it matters”
“Class! Control yourself!” Professor Flopdick moved himself to the side of his podium, revealing his true self; 12ft high giant. Apparently there was some form of groove in the floor, but it didn’t really matter.
“Anyway, the charm you must use is simple, first we start with that we wish to levitate, in this case Armadillo Penis, then we follow it with the word Liftus Upus. For example”, He pulled his wand out from a small pocket located above his heart, pointing it at the rather large greyish object with a pink tinge, “Armadillo penis liftus upus!” The small object flew high into the air, remaining parallel to the wand at all your times. He eventually lowered the object back to the table, indicating for people to give it a go.
To say that no one was successful was an understatement, until Mi gave it a go, rising the penis high above the class. Ron growled in jealousy, attempting
“Armadilo Penis Leeftus uptus!”
“No, no, you’re saying it all wrong, it’s Lift-tus.”
“Fine, I’ll do it your way. Armadillo penis leeft-usus.”
“NO! LIFT-TUS!”
“FINE! ARAMDILLO PENIS BLOODY LIFT-TUS UPUS!”
“Okay, now without the swearing.”
“Aramdillo Penis Liftus upus” to Ron’s dismay, it worked, but still annoyed at Mi he felt that she deserved to be covered in the semen of a small mammal, he shook the small pinkish object just above Mi’s head, while she was distracted, until of course it discharged all down her head, face and lap.
“RON! YOU…YOU…”, she slapped him, gathering her books and running outside
“What’s her problem?” The ginger goth scoffed, truly not understanding why she’d be so mad. Harry just shook his head, mumbling something, before attempting to levitate his own armadillo penis, which he managed to do eventually after a lot of coaching from Ron, who continued mocking Mi, blissfully unaware of what he had just started. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.