Harry Cotter and the Philosopher’s Brothel.
Haggis: Keeper Of The Tea
The midget, still grinning at the scar elaborated.
“It’s a fecking penis!”
“I noticed” Harry replied, his tone was flat. “Anything else?”
“Name’s Haggis by the way, 'Game Keeper' and 'Keeper Of The Tea' at Wartface School”
“What?” The small man shuffled about, glancing over his shoulder.
“May I come in?”
“No. He may not” Uncle Vermin, appeared behind Harry “He’s filth”
“What did ya fucking say to me?”
“You’re filth” he repeated, in a slow mocking tone
“PUNCHUS IN THE FACUS!” Haggis shouted, pointing his large pink telephone at the rather plump man, who shot back against the kitchen door, blood tricking out of his nose, setting off the yappy barking of Doodles.
“Now, may I come in?” Haggis stepped over the threshold, into the house of the Cursleys.
He squirmed his way through the house, passing Vermin who lay on the floor in agony, opening the door into the kitchen, kicking Doodles off one of the stools, to the horror of Pansy, who screamed.
“Let me tell you about Wartface then” Haggis smiled, “Sit down Harry”
“I’m not allowed in the kitchen”
“What? Any home in the Wizarding world’ld let you anywhere”
“Wizard?”
“We have a lot to talk about” he sighed, growling at Pansy “Didn’t they tell ya? Harry; you’re a Wizard!”
Thud. Harry hit the ground; fainting was the only way he dealt with shock, like, for instance, being told he was a Wizard, that turned out to be rather shocking.
“I’ll tell him the rest when he wakes up” Haggis frowned, gazing over the kitchen “til then…” he pulled Pansy’s plate over, almost full with toast, sausages, bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes. “I’ll just be eating this then”. Pansy was close to protesting, but was silenced by Vermin, who had regained his posture.
“Leave the…erm…dwarf be, darling”
“Dwarf!” Haggis spun round “I’m no dwarf, I’m a giant, with a genetic default, you got it buster?!” he snapped
“Yes” Vermin quickly replied.
“Yes…what?” Haggis picked up his telephone
“Yes Sir”
“Much Better” he smiled “Now, woman, get me a bloody drink”
If Harry was conscious he would never have dreamt that he’d be a wizard, nor that he’d had a fowl mouthed giant dwarf man in his house.
“Now, you two sit down” he motioned to the two empty seats then to Pansy and Vermin “And let me tell you about the time I went to Greece”
“It’s a fecking penis!”
“I noticed” Harry replied, his tone was flat. “Anything else?”
“Name’s Haggis by the way, 'Game Keeper' and 'Keeper Of The Tea' at Wartface School”
“What?” The small man shuffled about, glancing over his shoulder.
“May I come in?”
“No. He may not” Uncle Vermin, appeared behind Harry “He’s filth”
“What did ya fucking say to me?”
“You’re filth” he repeated, in a slow mocking tone
“PUNCHUS IN THE FACUS!” Haggis shouted, pointing his large pink telephone at the rather plump man, who shot back against the kitchen door, blood tricking out of his nose, setting off the yappy barking of Doodles.
“Now, may I come in?” Haggis stepped over the threshold, into the house of the Cursleys.
He squirmed his way through the house, passing Vermin who lay on the floor in agony, opening the door into the kitchen, kicking Doodles off one of the stools, to the horror of Pansy, who screamed.
“Let me tell you about Wartface then” Haggis smiled, “Sit down Harry”
“I’m not allowed in the kitchen”
“What? Any home in the Wizarding world’ld let you anywhere”
“Wizard?”
“We have a lot to talk about” he sighed, growling at Pansy “Didn’t they tell ya? Harry; you’re a Wizard!”
Thud. Harry hit the ground; fainting was the only way he dealt with shock, like, for instance, being told he was a Wizard, that turned out to be rather shocking.
“I’ll tell him the rest when he wakes up” Haggis frowned, gazing over the kitchen “til then…” he pulled Pansy’s plate over, almost full with toast, sausages, bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes. “I’ll just be eating this then”. Pansy was close to protesting, but was silenced by Vermin, who had regained his posture.
“Leave the…erm…dwarf be, darling”
“Dwarf!” Haggis spun round “I’m no dwarf, I’m a giant, with a genetic default, you got it buster?!” he snapped
“Yes” Vermin quickly replied.
“Yes…what?” Haggis picked up his telephone
“Yes Sir”
“Much Better” he smiled “Now, woman, get me a bloody drink”
If Harry was conscious he would never have dreamt that he’d be a wizard, nor that he’d had a fowl mouthed giant dwarf man in his house.
“Now, you two sit down” he motioned to the two empty seats then to Pansy and Vermin “And let me tell you about the time I went to Greece”