Harry Cotter and the Philosopher’s Brothel.
Why You Should Never Take A Cricket Bat To Greece
“And that’s why you shouldn’t take a cricket bat to Greece”.
Harry had come around to hear the last part of Haggis’ story, but he was too scared to move, you’d be too if you were told you were a wizard.
“’arry, stand up” Haggis focused his gaze on Vermin “you, move it, let Harry sit there”. He did as he was told, although still a little scared
“Let me tell ya ‘bout Wartface”
Haggis began to tell Harry about the magical school, and what dwelled inside the walls.
“So my parents went there?” the boy asked, flicking through a pamphlet which had been conjured out of no where
“Yeah, wizard and witch, they were, almost the greatest”
“But they couldn't survive a duck attack” Harry sighed
“What?”
“Pansy and Vermin told me a savage duck ate them!”
“TRILLY AND JIMMY COTTER COULDN’T BE KILLED BY A FECKING DUCK”
“Then what killed them?”
“Who, you mean”
“Who then?”
“I daren’t say his name”
“Please”
“Ah, right” Haggis looked over his shoulder as if to check no one was there “Lord…” he gulped “ Dangermouse”
“Lord Dangermouse?”
“Ssssssssh, call him ‘he who shouldn’t be named because it strikes far into the heart of every living soul, even his supporters, the twisted buggers, they are”. Harry raised an eyebrow. “We just call him Dem”
“Dem?”
“You gonna quit criticising?”
“Fine!”
“Anyway, we aint got any time to chat, we gotta get you supplies, school starts tomorrow”
“TOMORROW?”
“Yes, tomorrow”
“August 1st?”
“Yes, a month early than your fuggle school” Haggis sighed
“Fuggle?”
“None magic folk, now what did I bloody say about talking? And you two fuggles, pack his bags, he’ll be needing them”
“I have none” Harry weakly smiled
“FUCKING HELL! BUY HIM SOME DAMN CLOTHES OR I’LL GIVE YOU TAILS!” he paused “now Harry, you come with me and we’ll get what you need”
Harry didn’t really want to go, he was just too scared not to.
Harry had come around to hear the last part of Haggis’ story, but he was too scared to move, you’d be too if you were told you were a wizard.
“’arry, stand up” Haggis focused his gaze on Vermin “you, move it, let Harry sit there”. He did as he was told, although still a little scared
“Let me tell ya ‘bout Wartface”
Haggis began to tell Harry about the magical school, and what dwelled inside the walls.
“So my parents went there?” the boy asked, flicking through a pamphlet which had been conjured out of no where
“Yeah, wizard and witch, they were, almost the greatest”
“But they couldn't survive a duck attack” Harry sighed
“What?”
“Pansy and Vermin told me a savage duck ate them!”
“TRILLY AND JIMMY COTTER COULDN’T BE KILLED BY A FECKING DUCK”
“Then what killed them?”
“Who, you mean”
“Who then?”
“I daren’t say his name”
“Please”
“Ah, right” Haggis looked over his shoulder as if to check no one was there “Lord…” he gulped “ Dangermouse”
“Lord Dangermouse?”
“Ssssssssh, call him ‘he who shouldn’t be named because it strikes far into the heart of every living soul, even his supporters, the twisted buggers, they are”. Harry raised an eyebrow. “We just call him Dem”
“Dem?”
“You gonna quit criticising?”
“Fine!”
“Anyway, we aint got any time to chat, we gotta get you supplies, school starts tomorrow”
“TOMORROW?”
“Yes, tomorrow”
“August 1st?”
“Yes, a month early than your fuggle school” Haggis sighed
“Fuggle?”
“None magic folk, now what did I bloody say about talking? And you two fuggles, pack his bags, he’ll be needing them”
“I have none” Harry weakly smiled
“FUCKING HELL! BUY HIM SOME DAMN CLOTHES OR I’LL GIVE YOU TAILS!” he paused “now Harry, you come with me and we’ll get what you need”
Harry didn’t really want to go, he was just too scared not to.