Harry Cotter and the Philosopher’s Brothel.
Piealong Alley
“That’s…that’s…Harry Cotter”
“Aye that he is” Haggis nodded towards the opened mouth barman, smiling slightly, but only for a brief pause before he continued his march away from Harry who broke into a steady run; for short legs he could walk fast!
At the other end of the pub lied a small door, only visible because of the deep cracks in the frame work, which lit up the smallest corner of the pub. When pulled open, there was nothing, save a brick wall, which Haggis tapped 87 times in various places, and on the 88th it pulled apart to reveal what appeared to be the inside of ASDA.
“Welcome to Piealong Alley!”
“Alley? It’s a super market”
“Well…it used to be an alley before it got torn down” Haggis huffed a bit, but then smiled “Dirt cheap though, Tea used to cost me a fortune, and as Keeper of the Tea, I need a lot!”
“First step; wand”
“Aisle 93839” a mini fairy type creature appeared along side Haggis, before flying off; probably to assist some other customer.
“93893?” Harry repeated. Haggis shook his head, heading off towards the correct aisle, mumbling something about a “fucking retarded memory”.
On reaching the aisle, he called out:
“Trolley?” Haggis pushed Harry forwarded, then disappeared off somewhere, as a small man appeared.
“Ah, Harry Cotter?” he scanned him up and down, thinking hard “well, let’s see...”
Trolley began to wander through boxes, occasionally passing Harry a wand, then taking it back, suddenly he came across a box, and when Harry touched the wand it felt right.
“Oh…” Trolley sighed “that’s odd. Harry raised an eyebrow “You see, there were two of those wands made…Unicorn penis crossed with Phoenix testicles mixed with the semen of Gary Numan…and the other did that, well, to your forehead”
“Holy F…” Harry was about to swear, a habit he was sure to have picked up from his obscene dwarf/giant friend, when a large owl flew into his mouth, then out again, to land on his head.
“Happy Birthday ‘arry” Haggis had appeared “Meet Bushwig! Your present! Just what you’ll need for school!”
“Bushwig?”
“Means ‘She who is horny’ in Watin, either that of ‘Stump Fucker’, I always sucked at that language. Mind you I can speak Wance and Wain”
“Watin? Wance? Wain?”
“What did I say about questions?”
“Sorry”
It was going to be a long day…
“Aye that he is” Haggis nodded towards the opened mouth barman, smiling slightly, but only for a brief pause before he continued his march away from Harry who broke into a steady run; for short legs he could walk fast!
At the other end of the pub lied a small door, only visible because of the deep cracks in the frame work, which lit up the smallest corner of the pub. When pulled open, there was nothing, save a brick wall, which Haggis tapped 87 times in various places, and on the 88th it pulled apart to reveal what appeared to be the inside of ASDA.
“Welcome to Piealong Alley!”
“Alley? It’s a super market”
“Well…it used to be an alley before it got torn down” Haggis huffed a bit, but then smiled “Dirt cheap though, Tea used to cost me a fortune, and as Keeper of the Tea, I need a lot!”
“First step; wand”
“Aisle 93839” a mini fairy type creature appeared along side Haggis, before flying off; probably to assist some other customer.
“93893?” Harry repeated. Haggis shook his head, heading off towards the correct aisle, mumbling something about a “fucking retarded memory”.
On reaching the aisle, he called out:
“Trolley?” Haggis pushed Harry forwarded, then disappeared off somewhere, as a small man appeared.
“Ah, Harry Cotter?” he scanned him up and down, thinking hard “well, let’s see...”
Trolley began to wander through boxes, occasionally passing Harry a wand, then taking it back, suddenly he came across a box, and when Harry touched the wand it felt right.
“Oh…” Trolley sighed “that’s odd. Harry raised an eyebrow “You see, there were two of those wands made…Unicorn penis crossed with Phoenix testicles mixed with the semen of Gary Numan…and the other did that, well, to your forehead”
“Holy F…” Harry was about to swear, a habit he was sure to have picked up from his obscene dwarf/giant friend, when a large owl flew into his mouth, then out again, to land on his head.
“Happy Birthday ‘arry” Haggis had appeared “Meet Bushwig! Your present! Just what you’ll need for school!”
“Bushwig?”
“Means ‘She who is horny’ in Watin, either that of ‘Stump Fucker’, I always sucked at that language. Mind you I can speak Wance and Wain”
“Watin? Wance? Wain?”
“What did I say about questions?”
“Sorry”
It was going to be a long day…