I'll Wait Here for You in My Time of Dying

Matt’s P.O.V

I climbed out of my car and stared up at my house, blindly pressing the lock button on my keys. I didn’t want to go inside. If I went inside then I’d have to see Lesia...I’d have to tell her about Tyler and I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I’d never given bad news before. I think the worse news I’d ever had to tell someone was when I had to tell Sarah and Lyndsey that our dad had run over the dog.

That was hard enough.

But this...this was so much worse.

I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath before walking up to my house. I couldn’t just stand outside forever. I’d have to see her at some point. I’d have to tell her at some point. I didn’t want to, but I had to.

I opened the front door and looked up when I realised that I could hear quiet music. I didn’t immediately recognise the song and after a moment I didn’t care, because the song was overshadowed by the quiet sob I heard. I looked to the stairs and saw Lesia sitting half way up them, her feet resting on the step directly below her so her knees were high enough for her to have buried her face in them.

“Lesia?”

She slowly looked up, moving her head just enough for me to see her eyes and for her nose to squish slightly against her knee. It was only in this movement that I noticed that one of her arms was wrapped around her legs, whilst the other rested loosely against the side of her knees, a picture frame hanging gently from her fingers.

I walked over to her, glancing into the living room and noticing that the picture frame was missing, which meant the one in her fingers was probably the one of her and Tyler. Lesia shuffled across the step she was sitting on, leaving enough room for me to sit beside her.

I wanted nothing more than to put an arm around her, to hold Lesia to me as she cried but I couldn’t and it was killing me. Seeing her cry was like seeing Lyndsey or Sarah cry. I couldn’t take it. I had to do something to stop the tears. I’d always felt that way when I saw my sisters cry and now I felt it with Lesia. I needed to make the tears stop. But I knew that what I needed to tell her would only increase the tears.

“I’m sorry for scaring Sarah earlier,” Lesia muttered, turning her head on its side so her cheek was resting against her knee and she was looking at me. “And I’m sorry for turning all psycho on your house last night. I’m so sorry Matt.”

I shook my head softly and smiled as best I could. “Don’t worry about it. Nothing a little cleaning can’t fix.”

Lesia turned her head and looked pointedly down at my wrecked coffee table that was still laying in my living room doorway.

“Okay, so nothing a little shopping can’t fix,” I corrected. “But I honestly don’t care.”

Lesia sniffed and wedged her face in her knees again, her shoulders shaking a little though she was no longer making any noise. I could still see the tears falling down her cheeks and it was doing nothing for my need to comfort her.

“Did you have a nice day with Sarah?”

I shrugged. “It was okay.”

Lesia turned her head and looked at me again, her brow furrowing a little.

“Just okay? You usually come home all energised and bouncy when you’ve been with your sisters,” she pointed out. “It’s like their overexcitement rubs off on you. You’ve said it yourself. What happened today? Is Sarah okay? Nothing happened to any of your friends right?”

I shook my head, smiling a little at her concern. “Sarah’s fine...everyone’s fine. It was just...one of those...”

I trailed off and rubbed my hands over my face.

“Fuck,” I grunted, my voice a little muffled by my hands. “I need to tell you something.”

Lesia’s P.O.V

So many thoughts whirled through my mind due to that one sentence, none of them particularly good ones. The main one circled around the thought that maybe Matt was about to tell me that he was moving out. That he was leaving the house...leaving me. As selfish as it sounded, whilst I was still here I wanted Matt here. No one else could see me. No one else could hear me, talk to me. I liked having that.

“What?” I asked slowly and sat up more, turning my body a little so I could look directly at Matt. “Matt, what is it?”

Matt cleared his throat and took his hands from his face and it was only then that I saw the look of distress on his face.

“Matt, you’re scaring me,” I stuttered a little. “Matt tell me whatever it is, please.”

He took a deep breath and looked at me. “Sarah and I went to the town hall today.”

“Okay,” I drew out, not sure what that had to do with me.

“We went to try and find out about Tyler.”

I sucked in a breath, or would have, and looked down quickly at the picture in my hands.

“Why? Why did you...”

“Because I want you to be happy,” Matt admitted. “And you’re not happy in this world. You’re not happy in any shape. Even when we used to talk like every day, you were never happy. Lesia, you’re existing. That’s all you’re doing and it’s killing me to see it. I want you to be happy and I think the only way you’ll be happy is if you’ve moved on.”

I stared at Matt. He was right of course. I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t been happy since I died. The moment I realised what had happened had shaken me to the core, it took away everything I’d ever believed in before and it turned my whole entire world upside down. Not completely surprising since I’d died, but it was still a shock. Most people just die...they don’t realise that it’s happened. They might know it’s coming but they don’t suddenly go “oh, I guess I’m dead then”.

I had to do that. I had to go through that. I had to do it all alone.

“Sarah agreed with me that after telling Tyler that you’d wait for him...that, that’s why you’re still here. You’re still waiting for him to come home,” Matt explained. “And so we went to try and find him.”

Sorrow was full in Matt’s eyes and I had to look away. I looked back down at the photo of Tyler and I as Matt began to talk again.

“Lesia, I don’t want to tell you this but I know I have to. It’s not fair on you otherwise...”

I had a feeling I knew where this was going but I needed to hear him say the words. He was going to tell me that Tyler had moved on...I could feel it coming. You know when you know you’re about to get bad news and you feel that heavy feeling in your stomach. Matt was about to tell me that Tyler had found someone else.

“Tyler died after injuries he’d sustained in an ambush on his regiment,” Matt finally said and my world stopped.

If I was still alive, it would have been a moment where my heart had stopped, where my breath stopped, where everything in my body just shut down for a second. Shock is a funny thing. Even in death it affects you somewhat similar, just without the physical signs. But you still feel the pain that can rip through you. You can still feel the way your body should react.

I could feel my heart breaking. I could feel my jaw tensing with tears. I could feel how cold my skin suddenly felt. I could feel my bones tremble. I could feel all my nerves spark painfully as my body tried to comprehend what I had just been told.

“When?” I managed to choke out after a moment or two of complete silence, my eyes clenched shut and my fingers holding on tighter to the photo frame.

Matt cleared his throat. “15th May 2006.”

Ten days after I had died. Five days after my funeral. My fiancé had died.

“Lesia?” Matt called out, but his voice seemed to fade away from me.

I opened my eyes as I heard his panicked tone just fade away completely and found myself surrounded by darkness. It was like a big empty room but everything was black. The floor, the walls, the ceiling...I couldn’t tell how big the space I was in was. There was no telling where the floor began and the walls ended. But I didn’t care.

I looked down at the photo in my hands, at how happy we had looked. It had been taken the day he had proposed to me. We were out with both of our families that day and my mum had snapped up the picture. It had been the happiest day of my life.

I laughed as my sister playfully fought with her fiancé, who was holding something over his head. My sister kept jumping, trying her hardest to grasp it in her fingers, but Kyle just kept extending his arm up and up.

“They’re like little kids,” Tyler mused as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

I chuckled and nodded as I leant back into him, soaking in the warmth I felt from his body.

“I do think that Kyle has an unfair advantage though,” I pointed out, watching as my sister stomped her foot to the ground. “He’s already about a foot taller than Tracey. Extending his arm up like that...that’s just cruel.”

Tyler laughed and I smiled, turning around in his arms to look up at him. He smiled down at me and pressed his lips to mine softly, creating butterflies that swirled about in my stomach. I was amazed that he could still evoke this kind of reaction from me. We’d been together for a good few years yet he still made me feel like a teenager with a crush.

“Food’s ready!” My dad called out and I heard Tyler’s dad shout out in excitement.

I laughed and pulled away from Tyler, resting my head against his chest as I watched the way our families interacted. I wrapped my arms around Tyler’s waist and sighed as I felt his chin fall to the top of my head. I wanted my life to be like this forever. I was so content in this moment and I felt so happy, I couldn’t think of anyway this day could get better.

“What you thinking about?” Tyler muttered.

“About how happy I am,” I replied in complete honesty, tilting my head back to look at him. “About how I want this forever and I don’t see how today could get better.”

Tyler smiled warmly his arms leaving me for a second before he took my hands in his. He brought my hands upwards and brushed his thumbs over my knuckles, his fingers playing with the rings I was already wearing.

“Marry me,” he suddenly said, taking me aback for a moment.

I stared up at him, shock obvious in my face as he chuckled a little. Tyler squeezed my hands gently and took a deep breath.

“I’m being serious Lesia. Make me the happiest man alive and marry me.”

I carried on staring at him, knowing that he was being serious but I couldn’t believe it was happening. I wanted to pinch myself. It wasn’t until he dropped down on one knee and I noticed that the noise of our families had died down that I realised that this wasn’t a dream. The love of my life was in fact proposing to me.

I quickly glanced at our families, each member crowded around the picnic table and watching us. I looked back down at Tyler as he squeezed my hands again and I finally had a reaction. I smiled and nodded, a few stray tears falling down my cheeks as Tyler beamed up at me. I watched as he shouted at his dad before holding his hands up. A moment later and a small box fell into his hands; I could only presume his dad had thrown it to him.

My breath caught in my throat and my hands flew up to cover my mouth as Tyler opened the box, showing me one of the most gorgeous rings I’d ever seen.

“Oh my God,” I breathed out, taking my hands away from my mouth as Tyler held a hand up.

His fingers curled around my left hand and I watched in silence as he brought the ring up to my finger, pushing it to the base. Once that was done, I yanked him to his feet making him stumble and for everyone to laugh slightly.

“I love you,” I voiced.

“I love you too baby,” he replied, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me off my feet.

I giggled and placed my hands on his cheeks, pressing my lips to his and feeling a flash go off.

The picture showed that exact moment, my feet kicked up and my hands placed gently on the sides of Tyler’s face but without obscuring our kiss. The flash had caught the diamond on my ring, drawing your attention to it slightly.

My grip on it loosened and the frame fell from my hands, hitting the floor with a thump and a quiet tinkle as the glass shattered. I looked down at it, tears finally falling from my eyes as I stared down at the fractured looking picture of us. I collapsed down to my knees and hugged my body as my heart tore in two.

I had never felt so much pain in my entire life.