Butterflies

It's been two months, at least, since the last time I've seen or spoken to Michael, and that was the day I encouraged him to leave after admitting my feelings to him. I knew he was on tour now, there was no doubt about that. I also knew Billie Jean was with him. I couldn't bring myself to walk down the hall to my bedroom these days, for I'd be faced with the images he hung up of us all on the walls. So I mainly slept on the couch and when I had to use the bathroom or shower, I never glanced at the hall walls. It was too much.

Janet has been trying to contact me for quite a while, but I've been avoiding her, regardless of my cell phone working again. I bummed because Josh had to leave again a little over a month ago, and things just keep going wrong.

I sighed to myself as I sat down at the small table in the kitchen and rested my head on one arm atop the table. I absentmindedly played with the, nearly full, coffee cup in front of me, twirling it back and forth by the handle, when I heard a car pull into the drive. I didn't bother jumping up and running to the door, people pulled into my drive all the time just to back out and turn around. So this wasn't surprising. I stood up, grabbed the coffee cup, and dumped the remains of its contents down the sink setting the glass on the side of the counter before walking into the bathroom.

I stared at my reflection and the woman staring back wasn't her usual, lively self. She had stress lines, ratted hair pulled back sloppily into a messy bun, tattered clothes from the day before's wear, and the light in her eyes was missing. I sighed to myself as I turned on the cold water and splashed my face, gasping as I did so, but hoping maybe it would help wake me up. Pull me out of this state I was in. As I turned off the cold water tap and pressed a plush towel to my face, furnished by Michael, I heard a light knock at the door. My heart leaped, and I half hoped it would be Michael. I hung the towel back up before making my way out to the living room to answer the door.

I opened the door, but there was no one there. I bit my bottom lip lightly for a moment as my head lulled to the side, I never got pranksters around here. I shrugged to myself and closed the door walking back towards the kitchen when the knocking came again. This time I gritted my teeth and was prepared to tell off some teenies. But when I opened the door, I was greeted by Janet's face. Only she wasn't looking toward me, she was looking toward something else.

"Oh, hi." She smiled. I raised a brow at her. "Oh, sorry about that. We were up here the first time and then he had to run back to the car and shut off his head lights and he couldn't get the car door opened and-"

"Who's we? He?" I asked.

"Jermaine." She smiled. "May we come in?" She asked, sweetly as Jermaine walked up behind her.

"Yeah." I shook my thoughts away. "I thought you guys were some pranksters. I was about to go off." I stated, as I led them to my kitchen table. Janet smiled as she looked around.

"So this is the house." I grimaced, but nodded.

"It's really nice." Jermaine added, nodding as he looked around.

"Yeah." I cleared my throat quickly trying to change the subject. "So why are you guys here?" They looked at me oddly.

"Sweetie, in case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to get you on your cell for weeks, and you haven't answered or responded to any of my calls." She stated, looking at me concerned from across the small table. I shrugged. "You've gotta tell me what's up. You're family hasn't even heard much from you since Josh left, they said. And it's killing Annika." I huffed.

"She's probably the only one it phases." She shot me a sympathetic look.

"Don't say that, honey. Your family loves you." I just crossed my arms over my chest and looked away.

"What's got you so down girl? You don't look too good." Jermaine commented, walking over to stand by me as I had now placed myself against the counter.

"Oh, I know what it is." Janet stated in her realizing tone of voice. Jermaine and I both looked at her waiting to hear her theory. "It's because Michael's gone!" She stated simply, tossing her hands in the air and letting them fall back into her lap. I huffed again and turned my head the opposite direction.

"Is that it?" Jermaine asked, nudging me slightly. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know whether to tell them about telling Michael the truth, or just play along here. Janet already knew how I felt about him, she was one thing, but Jermaine didn't, and though I may love him more than most, I don't know if I want him finding out.

"Well?" Came Janet's voice again. I shrugged. "Well what gets me is that he doesn't ask about you when he calls, you're never brought up, so my other theory is that he's the only one you actually have been keeping in contact with." This statement from her felt like a knife had been driven right through my heart. They didn't know Michael and I hadn't been talking, but Michael sure did. He hasn't even bothered to ask how I'm doing, how I've been. As much as this hurt, I was going to control the tears that threatened me so easily these days.

"Yeah." I decided to answer her previous question. "It's because I miss Michael." A small, sympathetic smile broke out on her face, then.

"I figured." She got up from her seat then and came and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry, honey. I know you miss him now, but he'll be back."

"Yeah, after all, what is it, next month?" Jermaine said and my eyes flew open from where my head rested on Janet's shoulder.

"Next month?" I asked, trying to replace the shock in my voice with what sounded like excitement for them.

"Mhm." He replied and she nodded. I nodded as if in comprehension.

"Ya know what guys, I think I need to clean up and stuff." She pulled away from me and held me by the shoulders so she could get a good look at me. She nodded.

"Yeah, honey, you do." She smiled lightly. I nodded pulling my best fake smile.

"It was good seeing you guys again." I stated as I gave her one last hug before walking a short distance to Jermaine.

"Good to see you again, as well. It's been forever." He smiled as he wrapped me in a hug.

"Well I'll call you later, Jan."

"You better." She warned as they walked out the door.

"Later guys!" I called before shutting the door, leaning against it, closing my eyes and sighing. Next month. Michael comes home next month. What am I gonna do then? I can't face him after everything that's happened. I just can't. Maybe I should leave town for a while. No that's getting ridiculous, I'd only result to that for drastic measures. Who am I kidding? This is drastic in my situation. But I refused to leave town just yet. If worse comes to worse, I'll tell them I'm going on vacation to see my Auntie in Maine.

That night I decided to quit being so childish and to sleep in my bed. I was going face this and deal with it. I decided tomorrow I'd go and see Annika. I missed her and Freesia, whether Freesia missed me or not.

I had a dreamless sleep, but a peaceful night and I woke up somewhere around nine the next morning. I yawned as I looked out my bedroom window through the peak in the curtains. Sunlight was trying to pour in as much as it could through what little space it had, and I was glad it was going to be a bright day because regardless of how sunny it'd been, I hadn't noticed. The storm cloud over my head wouldn't give me enough space to notice. I got up and walked to my closet to try and find something decent to wear for the day. It didn't take me long to find something that I was satisfied with. By the time I was completely dressed, I looked myself over in the mirror and actually let a small smile grace my face. This was the best I'd looked in the past month or so.

The ride to my parents' house was nearly silent except the radio playing in the background. I was too distracted with my thoughts to give thought to the radio at the moment. I sighed as I pulled up in the drive, knowing, already, what this was going to be like.

I made my way up to the front door and deliberated on whether to knock or just go on in. Since it'd been so long, it would feel awkward if I just walked in. So I knocked a couple times. When no one came to the door, I rang the bell. I waited a few more moments in silence before chewing curiously on my bottom lip in confusion. I walked around to the back and didn't see either my mom or my dad's car parked there. Great. The day I decided to pop in for a visit, they decided to be gone, and extremely early for some reason. For them anyway.

I shook my head as I walked back out to my car and debated on getting something to eat at a local McDonald's. I hadn't been eating properly and my stomach issues were getting worse since that morning with Josh.

I stared down the menu as I pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru.

"Hello, how can I help you?" The lady's voice came through the speaker.

"I'll have a number three with a large Mountain Dew, please."

"Will that be all for you?"

"Yes, please."

"Thank you for your order, please pull up to the next window." I sighed as I sat at the window and waited.

"Here's your food ma'am, that'll be $4.69." I looked up at the sound of the voice and my eyes widened.

"Rebbie! What are you doing working here?" I couldn't help the small chuckled that actually escaped my throat.

"Shh! Keep it down, woman. I'm under cover here!" She smirked. I nodded.

"Right."

"I wanted something to do with my spare time, so," she shrugged. "here I am." I laughed. "Quit laughing at me." She whined. I shook my head and held up a hand in my defense.

"I'm not really, it's just, you're a rich woman and you're working at McDonald's for the fun of it. Most people kill to be in your position. Well," I paused and looked her over for a moment. "maybe not right this minute."

"Oh shut up." She laughed. I laughed along until I heard a car honking behind me. "Oops." She grinned. "Here's your food." I grinned.

"And here's your money." I grinned, rolling my eyes playfully.

"See ya, Melacia!" I honked in response as I sped out of McDonald's and back to my house. I had to admit, it tasted good. I hadn't had any actual food in a long time. Pop tarts and doughnuts didn't count.

Maybe I'd give my dad a call later on tonight and try to stop by again later. I shrugged at the thought as I shoved another fry into my mouth.

I laid down on the couch and watched movies most of the day. I fell asleep after the third Halloween. By the time I woke up, it was around nine thirty at night. I contemplated going back to parents. I decided I just show up again, without calling first. If I got there and they were gone, then I'd call them.

I was listening to one of my favorite stations in the car on the way there, actually enjoying the music, that is, until "PYT," by Michael Jackson just so happened to stumble upon the radio. I sighed, I wanted to reach over to the dial and turn it off so badly, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I hadn't heard his beautiful voice in so long that it nearly killed me, and though it was killing me to hear it, to shut it off would be worse.

I pulled up in my parents drive just as Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop The Music" was coming on, and cut the engine. I could see a light on through the window which indicated someone was home. The only strange thing was, there was a couple of other cars in the drive that looked fairly familiar, but weren't exactly registering. I'm guessing this is where they were all day, though.

I walked up to the door and knocked. I got no answer. I didn't bother ringing the doorbell, I knew they were hear, I opened up the door and walked inside. I could hear laughter and conversation coming from the fair sized dinging room and I decided that's where I'd go first. I sat my purse down on the couch just like I used to when I lived here, and headed for the dinging room. However, I was distracted by a small presence coming down the stairs. I looked up to see Annika making her way down. It was dark in the room, but I could tell it was her and I smiled.

"Annika!" I said quietly, but cheerfully, as not to catch my parents' attention just yet.

"Melacia?" I heard her soft voice. I nodded and walked over to her before she could run to me and cause a loud scene, not that I would mind any other time.

"Yeah, it's me." I said, as I walked up and wrapped her in my arms. I think she caught on to my quiet voice and kept her voice low as well.

"I've missed you so much! Why haven't you called or come around?" She asked as I released her from the tight hold and knelt down to her level.

"I've, um, I've been under a lot of pressure lately, sweetie. That's all." She nodded and hugged me tight one more time. I stood up preparing myself to go and face my parents.

"Guess what, Melacia?" She beamed.

"Actually, sweetie, can it wait? I've gotta go see Mom and Dad before they catch on." I bent down and kissed her cheek quickly before stepping off the bottom platform to the stairs and making my way to the dining room. I hadn't noticed I'd gotten my natural swaying step back since I'd walked into a familiar atmosphere, but I walked confidently into the dining room. However, it was not my parent's or Freesia's shocked faces that phased me. In fact, it wasn't even Mr. or Mrs. Jackson's. Janet, Rebbie, Jermaine, Tito, nor Marlon's expressions phased me either at the moment. For my eyes were fixated on none other than Michael, himself with Billie Jean right by his side. As we made I contact for a moment, he was the first to turn away and break our gaze.

"Melacia, sweetheart, what are you doing here?" My dad was the first to speak. I could see a slight smile on Janet's face out of the corner of my eye as she nudged Jermaine in the arm.

"I, uh, I just stopped by to see you guys. I-I tried to come by this morning, but nobody was here." He nodded.

"We were out with the Jacksons, planning this get together for Michael's return home and the celebration of his tour." I gave a firm single nod and tried to keep the wave of nausea from hitting me, again.

"Yes, well-"

"We didn't bother calling you because you haven't bothered to answer or return our calls anyway, sweetie." I didn't like my mother's bitter tone, or the way she exaggerated the pet name.

"I see, well, that's fine. Because I've been busy anyway, I probably wouldn't have agreed to come if you'd asked me." I remarked. I saw Michael shoot me a look at this and I just kept my stare fixated on my mother, this time.

"Busy? With what? It's not like you work, dear."

"No, dear, but I have still been trying to find a job around here. Also," I crossed my arms over my chest and felt confident in my next statement. "I've been planning a trip to Auntie's for a while." My mother's mouth dropped open. She always hated my dad's sister. Because my Auntie never thought my mom was right for my dad, but she was grateful for every one of her nieces.

"You mean, Auntie Reese?"

"That's right." I nodded.

"But she lives all the way up in Maine." She started making immediate excuses for why I shouldn't go. My dad's face on the other hand, had brightened when I'd mentioned staying with her.

"Airlines are a wonderful thing, these days." I smirked.

"You have no money."

"She's sending the money." I was getting myself in deeper and deeper by the second. First off, I haven't talked to Auntie in probably a year. Sure, she loved me to death, but I couldn't be sure she'd pay for my airline tickets out there if she'd even let me stay!

"Well, I think it preposterous you keep bumming money from people like this." I gritted my teeth and felt like slapping my own mother across the face right then, something I'd never had the urge to do before.

"You know what? I don't know why I came here. I'm taking Annika to spend the night with me so I can spend some time with my sister without all the bull."

"You're not going anywhere with-"

"Let it go." My dad cut my mom off. I nodded once in triumph.

"It was great seeing you all again." I stated to the Jackson family before throwing a sharp glance Michael's way and leaving the room. "Annika!" I shouted as I made my way up the stairs. "Anni-" I was cut off by someone grabbing my wrist and swinging me around. I came face to face with Michael. I stared at him. He was much closer than he should be, my breathing was becoming irregular, and half of me wanted to shove him down the stairs while the other half of me wanted to pull him as close as possible.

"What are you doing?" I managed to form coherent words somehow.

"I never stopped thinking about you, not once." His voice was soft, but firm. He had me pressed against the wall along side the staircase and he was hovering over me.

"And why should that matter to me?" I asked, trying to bury my feelings deep within my chest.

"Because I know you feel the same. When Janet told me earlier that you've been torn up because you missed me.." He shook his head slightly as he tailed off. I placed my hands on his stomach and trailed them up to the collar of his white suit, jerking him closer to me by just that.

"Lets get some thing straight here, Michael." I couldn't tell if he was more shocked or flustered. "I wasn't torn up for the past two months just because I missed you." I exaggerated his former statement. "I was torn up, because I knew you'd be with her." I couldn't bring myself to speak her acid name at the moment. "Holding her, singing about her, singing to her, kissing her..." I trailed off for a moment. "Loving her." I looked straight into his eyes as I said this. He shook his head slightly, his eyes never leaving mine. "I was torn up, Michael," I interrupted whatever he was about to say. "because the man that I'd just admitted my feelings to, actually left when I told him to. When you'd think, he'd be smart enough to see, I wanted him to stay." He swallowed at this point as I pulled him centimeters closer by his collar. "I was torn up, dearest Michael, because every night, I laid down, hoping, praying you would show up at my door unexpectedly, or at least call, but you didn't even so much as ask your sister how I was doing." He opened his mouth to speak, but I quickly removed one hand from the collar of his suit to press my finger to his lips so gently, silencing him. I trailed it across his lips for a moment, half in a trance, half just trying to get him back for taunting me that day. I let my hand rest on his chest and I sighed as I looked down. "I have to get Annika, and get home." I said simply before pushing him back slightly leaving me enough room to get by him and up the stairs.

I knocked lightly on Annika's door before walking in. She was sleeping. I frowned at this. I really wanted to take her home with me and spend some quality time with her, but apparently, I'd spent too much time on the staircase.

"Annika.." I whispered, lightly brushing the hair from the young girl's face. "Annie." I called her by Michael's rare nick name and she started to stir. "Hey baby girl. Dad said you could stay the night with me, you down?" She nodded sleepily and reach her arms out for me. I scooped her up in my grasp and made my way to the staircase where I saw Michael and Billie Jean in a deep discussion on the platform at the bottom. I sighed, either way, I'd have to pass them. I decided to walk down with dignity. I carried the small girl in my arms walking briskly right by them. I could feel Michael stare, but I ignored it.

"Michael? Michael, are you listening to me?" I heard Billie Jean's irritated voice.

"Wha-? Yes. Of course." I sighed and rolled my eyes as I quickly made my exit. As I walked to my car, I noticed Janet leaned up against it, smoking a cigarette. I gaped. I blew her off for a moment while I laid Annika in the passenger seat and leaned it all the way back so she could sleep, then marched over to Janet. I crossed my arms as I glared at her.

"What?" She chuckled.

"What? What? You told me he wasn't coming back until next month!" She grinned as she stared at me and took another hit off her cigarette.

"Sweetie, today's the first. Where have you been?" I stood there, jaw dropped, as I felt like a complete idiot. It was the first, which made this officially, the next month they were talking about when Michael was due to return. I slapped myself in the forehead.

"You still could've told me he was coming back today." She grinned.

"I wanted it to be a surprise for you, you were so depressed. But you didn't look like you were taking it too well. I figured you'd be all hugs and smiles. Why is that?" I sighed and crossed my arms, turning away.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time."

"But I don't, I have to get her to my house. And what are you doing smoking? You're going to kill your vocals that way, ya know?" She laughed as she tossed the butt of the cigarette away.

"So I've been told." I shook my head. "Tell ya what, since you have to get her home, how 'bout I stop by your place tomorrow and you can tell me all about what's up between you and Mikey since I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna be able to drag it out of him." I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"You might be able to. Better him than me."