What We Used To Know

When Addie had told Deandra what happened with Oli Sykes, the vocalist of Dee’s favorite band, Addie expected Deandra to freak out on her. She was expecting Dee to get upset that she didn’t get dragged out of the pit to go meet him, too. But she didn’t. Dee was happy for her, and it was almost impossible for Deandra not to notice the small twinkle in Addie’s eyes when she relayed what had happened between Oli and Addie in less than an hour. Nothing intimate or sexy, or anything worthy of anything, really, but it was all something. Deandra was proud that her best friend went completely out of her element for the night, and actually met someone. Someone famous.

It was like some sort of fluke event happened that triggered a chain of events leading up to how they met, and now how they were continuously talking or texting.

Addie was working when she received the first text message from Oliver.

She worked at the CD shop that was only a few blocks from her apartment, walking there when she had to work since it was actually faster than taking the car; of course not on the days when it was raining or snowing, though. Addie worked as the CD organizer, taking in all of the new CDs the store accumulated through shipments, or from people selling or trading them. Addie placed them under the correct label on the shelves that held thousands of discs throughout the store. It could have been painstaking to any normal person, but Addie loved it.

The store always had music playing, obviously, but it was just serene. Organizing things made Addie feel calm and in control of herself. Plus, when she would get new CDs from bands she’d never heard about while placing them under their correct band label on the shelf, she’d add the band to a list she kept. It was a list of hundreds of bands she hadn’t heard of, but kept meaning to look up. If the band was from a genre she enjoyed, such as soft rock or acoustic, she’d add it to the list. Bands that didn’t look so Addie-friendly, stayed off of the list while she organized them.

Addie had just finished up with an entire box of new CDs, going through over one hundred of them and running around the store to find the correct label to place them under on the correct shelf that corresponded with the genre. It was time for her break, since she’d been working since nine in the morning, and it was past noon by now. She was due to be off work in just a few more hours, but even after her shift, Addie ended up sticking around for a while, just looking at the albums of bands she still had never heard of.

The back room where all of the employees kept their belongings was small, just enough for the few people who were on call at a time. Not more than ten employees occupied the store at one time, meaning the break room was small, yet big enough for all of them. Addie found her purse, hanging on her own designated hook, underneath her jacket. The first thing she did was pull out a tube of chapstick and apply it greedily to her dry lips.

She dug around for her phone, ready to call her mother and tell her that she’d be there for dinner tonight, like Caroline had requested the previous night. Surprisingly, the mother and daughter had grown close over the years. After Addie realized her mom was the only person she really had left, she clung to her, making up for the years past in which the mother and daughter had hardly acknowledged each other.

But before she could dial her mother’s work number, the screen alerted her that she had a new text message from Oli Sykes. She pressed the OK button, opening the message. Initially, Addie’s heart stopped when she first saw the screen that said she had actually received a message from the vocalist she had just talked to only a matter of hours ago before leaving Chicago and heading home.

“Hey. What are you up to?” the message read. Addie actually had to go through it a few times to get over the fact that Oli Sykes had actually sent her a text message, and that he was trying to talk to her. A feeling of ecstasy washed over her as she replied to the message with fast fingers.

“Just on my break at work. How about you?” It felt amazing to actually talk to someone now who actually seemed to have some sort of interest in her, although she couldn’t say what type of interest it was just yet. But Addie frankly didn’t care. A gorgeous vocalist - from a band she hated - was actually interested in her. Every other single time Addie had talked to guys before, no matter who they were, she never was able to hold any substantial interest in them. There was nothing appealing about opening herself up for someone to see how fragile she truly was, and then risk having her heart broken.

And Addie was still scared, even this time around, even though things felt so different after only knowing Oli for less than an hour. She thought that she would only be talking to him for just minutes and that it didn’t matter how much of her real self she was, because he would never know the difference. But something in Oliver wanted to know the difference. He wanted to know this Addie girl, even though his chances to know her were nothing but limited.

Addie thought that if they did nothing but text, then she would be fine. She wasn’t going to see him again, and everything would be fine. She could lie as much as she wanted through the text messages. But she didn’t want to. Addie was done being someone else, she wanted to let her old self out of her cage, and she was going to. There was a safety in knowing that she wouldn’t be seeing Oli again, and she was going to take advantage of it. Maybe being her real self for once would have its perks.

He replied faster than she would have expected. “Oh, where do you work? Were on the bus, heading to the next venue. Missouri, i think.”

If Addie had not watched Oli put his number in her phone, and she the same, she wouldn’t have believed that she was actually talking to him right now. This just didn’t feel real, and it certainly didn’t feel like some rock star would actually try to get in contact with some random girl he talked to for less than an hour.

“I work at johnsons records, its a cd shop. Wow, missouri? How far away are you from it?”

It was less than a minute before Addie’s phone buzzed, alerting her of a new message. Her ears and eyes perked up, reading the screen of the phone. She sighed though, slightly disappointed that it wasn’t Oli who had texted her this time.

“Sooo… has oliver texted you yet?” Of course, it was from Deandra.

“Oliver?” Addie was confused for a moment, wondering who Dee was talking about.

“The fucking vocalist whose music you hate, but went on his bus last night. Duh.”

Well, that made sense. Addie wasn’t really thinking that Oli could have possibly been short for anything. Of course, Addie wasn’t really thinking at all lately, especially not last night. Things had just been a haze these past twelve hours as she tried to straighten herself out, without getting slightly fazed that this Oliver vocalist was actually text messaging her.

Addie simply replied with an “Oh.” She didn’t feel like talking to Dee right now, since her break was about to end soon anyways. But Addie didn’t want to go back out to work. She wanted to go somewhere and stay cooped up and alone while she held on to her now beloved phone while she talked to someone she didn’t even know, but had some sort of urge to. Addie needed to know this man, simply because it felt like she just had to. Something was drawing her towards him, and she wanted with everything in her to give in to the urge. What was it about him that made Addie want to talk to him so bad? Why did it seem like a good idea for her to stop caring about the secrets she kept, and finally just talk to someone?

***

Addie and Oliver would text each other for hours at a time while he was on the road. Most of the times, Addie was at work, and she had learned to just keep her phone in her pocket and sneakily text him back when he messaged her. This made Addie feel like she was in school again, texting boys under her desk when the teacher wasn’t looking. It was like they had some sort of budding romance with the way Addie’s heart fluttered, or her stomach would lurch a bit when she opened her phone and found she had an unread text from him.

Everything felt new again, like she was going through a crush for the first time. But maybe it was because Addie had never had a crush. She only had guys she messed around with, boys she knew she would never like, and that’s exactly why she chose them. Addie had been so good at avoiding any type of contact for so many years before, but now she was giving in.

She didn’t care. Addie knew that there would be nothing substantial with Oli, and that’s why she was enjoying herself. She was carefree for once, not caring what would happen next, because she knew nothing would. All that was between them now was just some text messages when Oliver was on the road waiting to get to his next venue; or even better, the few phone calls that were sprinkled around every few days. Addie could be as real as she wanted, show as much of herself as she wanted, and she didn’t care. All she knew was that Oli didn’t seem to be getting scared yet, and she liked the way things were going. This time, Addie wasn’t going to fuck it up by getting scared and then doing something irrational to get out of a situation that could have worked out for her.

Addie, for once, was just going to take it as it came. She was going to have fun and not care. What would a vocalist in a band actually want with her? It’s not like Oliver was going to fall in love with her.

It was nothing but a little crush between them. They were both so different from each other that it made it all the more interesting for them to talk and learn about the other. Perhaps they were infatuated with someone so different from themselves, that they just had to get closer. It was the law of opposites attracting that kept them speaking to each other, slowly opening up about themselves, but not giving away too much information. One could say they were taking it slow, but they were only taking precautions.

Addie wasn’t the only one scared of falling in love. Oli had a past of his own, which he was more than willing to keep trapped in the closet. He wasn’t planning on ever sharing his past skeletons that still haunted him, memories from years back that still made him question whether it was really worth it to ever actually fall in love. Yes, he was scared. More scared than anything to fall in love, and it all had to do with one certain concept.

But of course, Oli would never actually admit that he was scared of such things. And if someone managed to figure him out, he certainly wouldn’t admit why he was scared, either. Simply because Oli fuckin’ Sykes isn’t scared of anything. No, nothing can even faze Oliver, let alone scare the living daylights out of him.

(Except for love, of course.)

***

Addie and Oliver had had a good month of texting and talking on the phone, feeling quite comfortable with the other by now. They could be considered friends, with the way that they listened to each other, and helped each other, and understood each other. They didn’t have to be physically acquainted - although they already had been, once - for them to feel a certain closeness, one that just didn’t feel ordinary.

Most of the time it was Oli who called or sent the first text to Addie. He had a nearly perfected schedule of calling her at all the right times. By now, he knew what hours and days she worked, even going around time differences to get to her at the right moment. But this wasn’t like him at all, though. Oli wasn’t careful like he was with Addie. He didn’t plan things out and make sure that what he was doing was convenient for someone else. Oliver did what he wanted, when he wanted, no matter who it affected.

Not this time, though. He made sure that his calls never interrupted Addie when she worked, because she told him that her boss got pissed off at her once for texting him on the job. So he made a mental note, and started calling only on her breaks, or after work. And after just a week, Addie didn’t even have to look at the caller ID when she got a call during a certain time of day. Things just felt like they were working out, unlike the way things hadn’t in the past.

Things just didn’t work out for Addie in the past. But once she moved to the States, things just did. Even more so now, everything just flowed in to place. It was all just a chain of events that was happening without her even doing anything. And she loved it. Addie loved that for once, things were happening for the better, even if she didn’t have to have complete control, like she would have used to.

And maybe, Oliver wasn’t so scared anymore. Sure, he was scared of things actually getting serious between him and this bird who was able to hold his attention for far longer than anyone else ever had, but the way he smiled for no reason when he thought of something funny or witty she had said in a text or on the phone made it clear that this wasn’t just nothing. Their strange and unusual relationship was not completely platonic, as the feelings were definitely mutual, even if the two didn’t lead on to actually feeling something for the other. They continued talking like only friends would, keeping those secret smiles to themselves when they talked.

It was a good thing they couldn’t see each other, because the permanent blushes that seemed to be etched onto both of their faces would have given everything away. Distance was a blessing in this relationship, because the both of them knew that if they were actually around each other - instead of having hundreds of miles’ distance between them - things would be moving a lot faster than they were going right now. And that way, Addie wouldn’t be comfortable. She would be scared that things were happening so fast if Oli was around. And Oliver would be scared because he knew that if he was able to see the way Addie smiled when he said the simplest of things, he’d surely be in love with her.

And he was scared to think that he might actually push past all of his fears just to let someone in he barely knew, simply because it felt right. Oli knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist spilling his guts to someone who was always there to listen. Something told him that Addie wouldn’t care how damaged he was in the love department, that he was too scared of getting too intimate to let anything past a one night stand develop.

Was it because he was able to tell Addie had some secrets of her own? But that didn’t mean she’d share hers just because Oliver admitted his darkest secrets. No, Addie wasn’t sure herself if she’d let people see the real her, the one who was too scared to love because of how scarred she was from loving the half of her family that was now dead. She let Oliver see the real her, the one who was the old Addie who didn’t have any problems. But she wouldn’t be letting him see the parts of her that were so scared of anyone else finding her out, that she would do anything to keep them far enough away so they wouldn’t find out. And maybe this was what the distance was. The distance was her way of keeping him just far away enough so that he didn’t get too close to her too fast.

At least this way they could monitor everything that went on between them, and then not have to worry about anything becoming horribly awkward, or painful, or revealing. It was the distance between them that kept them talking to each other. If things went south - and they’re both so good at running away - all they had to do was stop talking. Essentially, they wouldn’t have to even see the other again.

But they were happy where they were, exchanging phone calls every few days and texting more than what would have been considered healthy. They loved every single second though. And somehow, it was enough. It was enough for them to know that they could have a friendship without having to be physically present in the other’s life. They liked the feeling of having a friend who could always be there, no matter that they were so far apart. And they didn’t mind that they would probably never see each other again.

Well, only one of them was aware that they would never see the other again.