What We Used To Know

They fell asleep together, Addie pressed into Oliver’s chest while his arms constricted around her. Neither of them even bothered to get up from the bed and change into pajamas. It was what they both had wanted now for so long - just to hold each other. They got their wish, holding the other as if they were a lifeline.

When they woke up, the two of them were both slightly confused, not entirely remembering what happened last night until they fully woke up. Once it all came back, small smiles adorned their faces, the pair both elated now that they had finally been able to admit their feelings for one another - yet again, without having to say anything at all.

Their methods of communicating were definitely different, as it was becoming clear that the majority of things they shared weren’t verbal. But it was nice for the two, who were both so secretive, now being able to share something with someone else, without even having to say anything.

Addie suggested breakfast, and they decided on French toast. She and Oliver rolled out of bed - rather unwillingly - and stumbled into the kitchen, still clad in last night’s attire. They chuckled at their appearances; hair a mess, clothes wrinkled, makeup smudged. Last night had been a night, one they could both decide on being one of the best they had had in a while.

They ate at Addie’s little table, talking about little things that didn’t really matter as they ate.

Oliver was laughing at a story he had just told, Addie smiling right along with him. Her face fell though, and she had to ask the inevitable question she tried to overlook for as long as she could since Oliver arrived.

“So when are you leaving?” she asked quietly, looking down at her plate now. That was the worst question she had come to know. It was a painful one, but one neither of them could avoid as long as Oliver still lived in Sheffield.

His face fell, too. He wasn’t expecting this question, at least not now. Oliver had spent his time trying to avoid thinking about when his flight would take off, too. But as hard as they both tried to run away from those silly four words, they couldn’t. Oliver would always have to leave. He would always be the one leaving Addie.

“Soon,” he whispered back, suddenly not able to speak at a normal level. He was just watching Addie. Even though he couldn’t see her eyes, he knew she was hurt. It always hurt to be left.

“How soon is soon?” she asked, still not daring to look up from her plate. She didn’t want to see Oli’s face when he announced he would be leaving her again. Leaving her by her lonesome so she would feel deserted and alone, just like last time. Addie scolded herself, for it was her fault she had managed to fall for him now. But that was never in the plan. Addie did everything she always could not to get attached to anyone, trying to refrain from actually making an emotional connection. It only made things harder in the end, especially when the person she was attached to would disappear on her.

“Like two and a half days soon.”

The fork Addie was holding slipped from her grasp, cascading down onto the porcelain plate with a clang. Oliver stared at it, Addie jumped a little at the noise. She brought her eyes up to meet Oli’s, not liking how he just looked her with so many apologies in his eyes. Apologies he would never say, but it’s not like he needed to say them aloud anyways. Addie could hear them as loud as if Oliver had screamed them at her.

***

Addie had taken Monday and Tuesday off work, in order to spend more time with Oliver. She couldn’t just leave him hanging around at her apartment all day, and she wanted nothing more than to be around him for as long as she could while he was still there.

They spent the days watching movies or going out for walks to the local parks during the school day when they were deserted. It was like they didn’t even have to do anything to have fun, as long as they were with each other. They could have sat around on Addie’s couch for hours, not saying a word. And it was obvious to them that they were like this, and that they didn’t have to be constantly talking to doing something to get the same experiences as if they had spent the day on the town.

Both of them were sprawled on Addie’s small couch Tuesday evening, flipping through channels on the television, trying to decide on something to watch. Addie was in control of the remote, but whatever show she decided to watch was not up to par with Oliver’s tastes, and he’d demand that she continue on with the channel surfing.

“You know what, you take the damn remote,” Addie said, feigning annoyance as she shoved the remote towards Oliver who was chuckling at her distress.

Somehow they were both laying down on the couch, fitting together on it like pieces of a puzzle. Addie fit on it perfectly, while Oliver had to extend his feet over the arm of the couch, to the point where they were hanging off. It was true, the couch was small, and best suited to Addie’s small frame. But it was almost comical the way they were both able to even fit on the same couch together, let alone laying down on it.

Oli had finally come across something to watch after relentless searching, choosing some action movie on one of the HBO channels. Addie wasn’t paying much attention to the movie; the explosions and bright flashes were enough to give her a headache already. She just wanted to pick up a book and get lost in the fiction, like she had been doing since she was just a child. Addie hated to admit it, but it seemed like fiction was always better than her real life, save for the few days she had spent with Oliver. Those days certainly topped every other day she had had, and most certainly topped any work of fiction that was in her mental library.

“Addie, get up real quick. I have to go get something,” Oliver muttered, the words coming out quiet because he was practically speaking into her neck.

Addie groaned, not wanting to move. “I just got comfortable.”

“Please? I ‘ave something for you,” Oliver said quietly, his hand that was wrapped around her waist squeezing her a bit, making her giggle, and eventually sit up.

Oli slid off the couch, untangling his limbs from Addie’s and making his way into her bedroom, where his bag was sitting on the floor. Every night he had spent in bed with Addie during his stay came rushing into his head, the memories created just in these past few days making him smile. He hoisted his duffel onto her bed, watching it sink into the fluffy comforter. Oliver started digging around, looking for the tiny box he had gone through so much trouble to find, and then put together the contents just correctly for this surprise to work out.

Yes, another surprise. Addie was learning that Oliver Sykes was just full of them, much more than he had been when they were young, although he still had been something else when they were only twelve and thirteen.

Oliver gave a little noise of excitement as his hand closed around the small pink box, fragile and slightly smashed from the long ride to the States in his duffel bag. He scolded himself, thinking that if he would have been smart, he would have kept it with his backpack.

When he reentered the living room, Addie was still sitting on the couch, her head propped up on her hand while she looked at the television screen. Oliver noticed that she looked less than amused, and hoped his next little surprise would brighten her day, and if everything went according to plan, the outcome would brighten Oliver’s life.

Oli sat down, the couch cushions enveloping him as he leaned against Addie, their bodies molding to fit each other on contact. He rested his head on her shoulder, keeping his left hand that held the box hidden at his side for now. Addie looked down at him, getting a peck on the cheek as she turned the TV off, thankful Oliver didn’t object to the new found lack of noise.

He just stared at her, his eyes looking for some sign that maybe he shouldn’t do what he was about to do next, just in case. But he had been planning this since the last time he was out here, praying that something would happen to make the surprise actually fit into context. Then, the first night he was here this time, that only confirmed it. He was about to make a big jump, doing something he never would have planned on going through so much trouble to do so, nonetheless with someone he never thought would have stolen his heart. Then again, he was convinced he would never see her again.

Oliver plunked the little pink cardboard box down into Addie’s lap. She just looked at it, starting at the candy hearts box. Nothing made sense in that moment, because it was the middle of April. Valentine’s Day had been quite a while ago…

Addie looked up at Oliver with a questioning look on her face, gently picking up the box.

“Oliver, Valentine’s Day was a while ago,” Addie murmured, looking back down at the box.

“I know, I know,” he insisted, smiling, waiting for her to finally open it. “But it’s what’s on the inside that counts!”

Addie picked the box up and brought it up near her face, inspecting it. “What the fuck? Oliver, has this been opened?!”

She noticed that the corners of the box were slightly tarnished, the flap for the lid also looking rather worn. Addie furrowed her eyebrows, looking back at Oliver who was just smiling like an idiot. Addie couldn’t help but smile at how happy he looked right now, since his smile could have radiated about a thousand watts at that moment.

“Oh, shut up,” he joked, “Just empty the entire box out on the coffee table.”

Addie wasn’t sure what to do, but figured she should do what Oliver told her. This was probably just another surprise of his. So she hovered over the smooth wood coffee table, cautiously opened the already-been-opened box of Valentine candy hearts, curious to see what the hell would happen next.

She opened it, and the entire contents of the box filed out onto her coffee table, gently spreading out as more and more poured out of the box. All of the little chalky hearts were different colors, but it’s what each of them said that surprised Addie. She began flipping them all over quickly, her fingers racing over every heart that wasn’t facing up. They all said the exact same thing.

BE MINE.

Addie looked up at Oliver, who was still smiling that one thousand-watt smile, looking down at her now. She didn’t know what to do, or what to say. Oliver certainly wasn’t giving her any clues, either, by the way he was just sitting there and smiling at her.

“Does this mean you’re asking me t-to be your girlfriend?” Addie asked slowly, trying not to stumble over her words as she shoved them out of her mouth. Pure excitement ran through her veins. Oliver just looked at her, not saying a thing, and she knew that he was in fact, asking her to be his.

“Well of course I will,” she told him confidently, leaning back on the couch so she could melt into his side once more. Things just felt even more right with them now, now that they were officially ‘together’.

“You’ve no idea how many fuckin’ boxes of candy hearts I had to go through to fill up just one box that said ‘be mine’,” Oliver said, wrapping his arm around Addie’s shoulder and pulling her close, planting a kiss on her head. It had taken him days to even find a store that still sold candy hearts - a task that was nearly impossible - and then how many days it took after that for him to sort through them and put all of the BE MINE’s into one box.

“I certainly hope I’m worth the effort,” Addie replied, smiling and leaning her head against Oliver’s chest.

“You certainly are, love. You certainly are.”

***

Oliver’s new tour that was coming up in early May was what sent him home sooner than him and Addie certainly would have liked. Neither of them liked the fact that they would have to be separated again for who knows how long, until Oliver could manage a trip back to Springfield. But there never seemed to be any break times that he could chance a flight out, and hope that nothing would come up in the mean time to prevent him from going out there again.

Oli would joke about how he would blow all of his money just to fly out to Springfield every chance he got. Part of him was serious.

Addie felt guilty when she heard him say that. She knew that she couldn’t just keep him coming back time after time, only to leave days later. It wasn’t fair to him to make him come all the way out there. But she didn’t want him to stop surprising her like he did. Addie wanted him to come out here, and never leave. She couldn’t do that to him though. He had a life, and he wasn’t that in love with her. (But as far as Addie knew, he wasn’t in love with her at all.) But she didn’t know what to do, other than either tell him to stop coming to see her, or taking the biggest risk of her life and move back to where she started.

They both hated the feeling of just now taking their relationship further, then having to drop Oliver off at the airport the very next day. It was heartbreaking for Addie to let him go. She hated saying goodbye to him, having already left him in the airport twice in the last two months. The worst part about saying goodbye, was not knowing when they would see each other again.

The only thing still keeping them connected was their cell phones, which they abused to no end. Addie was still frightened as hell about her new found feelings for Oliver. She couldn’t believe she had let herself get attached, and actually fall for him. Addie never planned for that to happen, she never planned to meet up with Oliver Sykes again, and she certainly wasn’t planning on falling in love with him, but knew that if things kept going the way they were, she would be in love with him sooner than she would like. Then again, she never planned on feeling the best she had ever felt in her life the night she met Oliver (for the second time), yet that was exactly how she felt now.

Addie was too scared to fall in love; scared that she would do something irrational to escape from her feelings, and end up ruining everything. She didn’t want to feel so strongly for someone who wasn’t around ninety percent of the time, yet she did anyways. Addie questioned how she could fall in love with someone who isn’t always there for her. But the answer was simple. Oliver was always there. He answered all her calls, every text, doing everything he could to still feel as close to her as possible, when he was physically so far away.

Oliver could have felt the same nerve-wracking feelings and fright towards what was happening. With any other girl, he would have. This time around though, he was almost blinded by how well things were going. It was true, he was scared of actually having someone get to know him better than everyone else did (although at one point Addie certainly did know him better than anyone). He didn’t want her to see all of his faults. There were too many things wrong with him that could hurt her. All of his habits that he was scared would in turn scare her off; he didn’t her to know him well enough to live with all of those habits he fought against. But Addie would. Oliver knew she would find her way into his heart, and she would see just how equally scarred and damaged he was.

Once she found all those faults, then she could decide whether she wanted to be with him or not. Oli knew there was a chance Addie would see them, get scared, and run off. He knew that she couldn’t handle always dealing with someone like himself, but he prayed she could accept him. Oliver knew there were things Addie hid about herself, it was more than obvious. He just had to hope that she’d let him in, too. He’d open himself up, for her and only her. And he prayed she would do the same.